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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26334487">Am I Worthy of Love?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackEagleFan/pseuds/BlackEagleFan'>BlackEagleFan</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Intersex, Past Abuse, Romance, Self-Esteem Issues, Sexual Content</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 02:35:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>63,162</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26334487</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackEagleFan/pseuds/BlackEagleFan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>But what if she wasn’t joking? Dorothea was smart, funny, and competent. She was in many ways representative of what Edelgard was preparing to fight for: a woman whose talents were held back by a society that valued crests and lineage more than an individual’s actual worth. And she was stunningly beautiful.</p>
</blockquote>Set during the events of the game. Both Dorothea and Edelgard struggle with feelings that they are unlovable. Through each other's love and support they work to overcome their respective difficult pasts and learn that yes, they do deserve happiness, and then set out to create a world where none will suffer as they have.
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dorothea Arnault/Edelgard von Hresvelg</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>144</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Sparks</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Chapter 1 includes dialog from an in-game support conversation featuring Edelgard and Dorothea to help frame the rest of the fic. Full credit for that dialog goes to Nintendo / Intelligent Systems / Koei Tecmo. (This is the only chapter I plan to make use of this.)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>~Wyvern Moon (month 10)~</p>
<p>Edelgard was tapping her pen as thoughts swam through her head.</p>
<p>Count Hevring’s letter sat neatly folded in her pocket. She briefly considered pulling it out to read it again, then dismissed that thought as foolishness. After all, she had already memorized its contents. Hevring seemed supportive of her proposal, but was too guarded to say so explicitly. Or was she just seeing what she wanted to see? An important consideration, but Hubert had agreed with her assessment and he was typically cautious. If she wasn’t willing to take a risk over this, she might as well abandon the plan now. And still… she tapped her pen.</p>
<p>She looked at the page in front of her. “Dear Count Hevring,” read the first line. That was all she had been able to write since sitting down nearly half an hour ago. She did not have time to waste staring at a piece of paper, but getting this letter just right could mean everything. Different possibilities for the next line drifted through her head, fighting each other just like the students at Garreg Mach fought each other in mock battles.</p>
<p>“You’re being ridiculous, Edelgard von Hresvelg.” Her clear voice rang through the room as she spoke to herself. She glanced at the clock. Yes, over half an hour now. Unacceptable. <em>You have exactly one minute</em>, she thought to herself as she noted the position of the seconds hand. Then she would write whatever she deemed best at that moment. It was time to move forward.</p>
<p>That deadline gave her the clarity she needed, and even before the minute past, she put her pen to the paper, proudly writing the next sentence. And another. And as she began to write the third, she noted that, despite having just dipped her pen into the inkwell, that the writing wasn’t as thick as it had been at the start of the letter. That wouldn’t do. She turned her focus to the inkwell again, and realized it was almost empty. With an exasperated sigh, she stood up from her desk. She turned away, paused a moment, turned back, and delicately moved the letter she was writing under her bed so as not to disturb the ink, but also so that if anybody entered her room they would not see it. <em>One could never be too cautious</em>, she reflected, as she slipped out of her door, locked it, and headed to the classroom where the extra inkwells were kept.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Edelgard heard Dorothea before she saw her. The songstress was humming a tune that Edelgard thought she recognized from an opera, but could not place. As Edelgard strode into the classroom, she caught sight of Dorothea stroking her own hair as she often did when she was in a good mood.</p>
<p>“You’re in high spirits today, Dorothea,” she said as Dorothea turned towards her.</p>
<p>“Yes… I have met someone quite charming recently,” said Dorothea with a smile. “I’m hoping we can spend some more time together soon.”</p>
<p>Dorothea was at the Officer’s Academy to pick up the same set of skills that the rest of them were after — combat training, tactics, philosophy, history, magical studies and so on — but she’d made it no secret she was also here to find a husband. She was a commoner, and though her time as an opera star had given her fame and money, Edelgard knew that Dorothea considered both of those to be fleeting, while a wealthy noble husband would grant her financial security for life. It was absolutely ridiculous that someone as talented as Dorothea would need to settle for being some man’s trophy because of her birth, but that was the twisted world they lived in. Still, Edelgard saw no reason to chill her friend’s happiness with her dark feelings on the subject. So instead, she offered, “Well, I wish you the best of luck. I wish I had some advice to offer. Alas… I do not.”</p>
<p>“Eh, don’t worry too much about it, Edie,” said Dorothea. Edelgard had never told her how happy it made her when Dorothea called her that; it reminded her of the times when her siblings had called her El. “I’d guess romance isn’t really something you’re interested in anyway.”</p>
<p><em>Does she think I’m that cold? </em>thought Edelgard. “I’m not completely disinterested.”</p>
<p>“Oh yeah? Is there someone you have your eye on?” teased Dorothea, a coy smile on her face.</p>
<p>“Hmm…” Edelgard paused, considering Dorothea’s question. “To be honest, there’s nothing resembling romance in my life at present. It’s not that I’m disinterested. I’m simply too busy with other endeavours,” she continued, thinking of Hevring’s letter in her pocket. “I have no time to spare for such things,” she said, unsure if Dorothea would catch the hint of sadness in her voice.</p>
<p>“That’s not surprising,” said Dorothea, the teasing gone from her voice. “You’re not just any old noble, after all. Anyone who has feelings for you… well, they’re in for a pretty complicated life.”</p>
<p>“True,” agreed Edelgard. “And I can’t ignore the possibility that I may have to marry for political purposes. I doubt I’ll ever have the opportunity for a passionate romance as long as I live…” <em>I don’t deserve one. Thousands of romances will be cut short because of me.</em> She silenced that voice.</p>
<p>“That’s no way to talk,” said Dorothea, disapproving. “You meet the right person and boom! You’ll have passion to spare. Could be someone you’ve just met, or someone you’ve known your whole life… there’s no telling how life will go.” Her face broke into a big smile. “Something could even spark between the two of us!”</p>
<p>For the briefest instant, Edelgard’s breath caught in her throat. Had Dorothea really just said that? But quickly she regained her footing, not wanting to let any hint of weakness show. “You and I? Now that is an entertaining thought.” she mused. She almost used “tempting” rather than “entertaining” but something stopped her. Instead she managed, “If such an exciting future is in store, I look forward to it!”</p>
<p>“Oh yeah?” said Dorothea wistfully. “That’s awfully sweet of you, Edie.” Her words hung in the air for a few moments, and Edelgard tried to carefully pick her next words as she regarded Dorothea with a smile. But then, Dorothea turned away with a sigh. “I should go and get ready. Can’t show up for a date looking anything but my best.” Dorothea’s voice maintained its cheer, but it sounded a bit forced.</p>
<p>“Of course,” said Edelgard. She clenched her fist at her side as she watched her friend sweep out of the room. <em>Truly, it is not right that she feels forced to do this.</em></p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Back in her room with a new inkwell, Edelgard’s head spun once more, but this time, thoughts of Count Hevring were far from her mind. Dorothea had to have been joking. Dorothea joked about such things all the time; she’d made a joke about accepting a ring from Ingrid just last week. Edelgard didn’t even know if Dorothea actually preferred women, or just found them amusing to flirt with.</p>
<p>But what if she wasn’t joking? Dorothea was smart, funny, and competent. She was in many ways representative of what Edelgard was preparing to fight for: a woman whose talents were held back by a society that valued crests and lineage more than an individual’s actual worth. And she was stunningly beautiful.</p>
<p><em>Another woman, stunningly beautiful? </em>a voice inside her said mockingly. <em>So do you prefer men or women, then? Not that it matters; neither would have you, the monster that you are. </em>Edelgard silenced the voice, but she knew it was right. She would never be able to be with someone like Dorothea. Love and companionship were luxuries afforded to others. All she could do was make the world a better place for people like Dorothea. That was her only reason to still be alive.</p>
<p>Nodding to herself, she took the letter to Count Hevring out from underneath her bed, and resumed writing, considering her words carefully.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Searching for a Future</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>“What should I do, Professor?” she asked, wiping away her tears with her sleeve, no longer caring what damage this did to her makeup. Who was she still trying to impress, after all? “This can’t continue, but what other options do I have?”</p>
</blockquote>After another disappointing date, Dorothea unloads her worries upon an old friend, as she increasingly fears she will never find happiness.
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>~Wyvern Moon (month 10)~</p>
<p>Dorothea’s hands shook slightly as she reached to open the door to <em>The Goddess’s Blessing</em>, one of the inns in the town of Garreg Mach. Music and laughter awaited her inside, both of which were very much at odds with her current mood. She lifted her skirts slightly as she stepped over the threshold, and remembered the optimism she had felt as she looked in the mirror while preparing for her date. That made her expression darken, and she strode deliberately up to the bar to place an order for… something. She hadn’t decided what.</p>
<p>“Dorothea?” a familiar voice called out. “Dorothea, is that you?” Turning, Dorothea recognized Professor Manuela, getting up from a table where she was sitting alone and moving towards her. “Oh, darling, what happened?”</p>
<p>Dorothea cast her eyes downward, feeling a moment of shame. “Nothing, Professor Manuela. I’m fine. Just… stopped here to grab a drink before turning in for the night.”</p>
<p>“Oh Dorothea. You say that, but I can see the mess your tears have made of your makeup.” Manuela offered a half smile. “I’ve seen that in the mirror more times than I can count. Please… will you sit down with me and talk about it?” She turned to the innkeeper. “The young beauty will have a sweet-apple tea. Put it on my tab.” Dorothea lowered her eyes even further; that tea was known as a favourite of children, even if Dorothea herself admittedly did like it.</p>
<p>“I’m not a child any more, Professor Manuela,” said Dorothea sullenly as Manuela led her back to their table. “I can order my own drinks, you know.”</p>
<p>“Yes, well,” said Manuela as she sat Dorothea down in a chair before taking one across from her. “You’re not ordering anything harder while I’m around. Seteth would never let me hear the end of it.” Her face twisted into a grimace. “Besides, dear, you really don’t want to follow my model for dealing with heartbreak. Or do I mistake my guess?”</p>
<p>Dorothea looked up. “No, you see through me as always.” She drummed her fingers on the table. “He seemed so nice, but then he started sharing his thoughts about ‘the proper role and place for a wife’ and I just…” She gripped her head in her hands and laid her elbows on the table. “Professor Manuela, why are men such trash?” Quietly, refusing to make a scene, she let the tears come, and shifted her hands over her eyes as she sobbed quietly.</p>
<p>She had figured it would be easy. Every young nobleman in Fodlan went to Garreg Mach, and many younger sons stayed on for a few years to work for the Knights of Seiros, one of the most prestigious and lucrative employers on the continent. Wealthy, single men were supposed to be easy to come by. But here she was, over half a year into her quest, and not once had she found one with whom she could even begin to imagine herself falling in love. In fact, there were few she could stand even being in the same room as once they began talking about anything but the emptiest of platitudes.</p>
<p>Manuela hadn’t responded. As Dorothea uncovered her eyes, Manuela just offered her a smile, the same familiar smile she had offered a younger Dorothea when she was terrified about performing on the stage. “It’s all right, dear,” she said. “Life is difficult, and love moreso. To put yourself out there and be disappointed isn’t easy, as I know well. But love will come.”</p>
<p><em>But of course, it hasn’t come for you, Manuela.</em> Manuela, who was like Dorothea, only far more talented, prettier, and hadn’t wasted her formative years on the streets. What chance did Dorothea have? She could see her future; she would either settle for a man who saw her as a trophy to show off to his fellow nobles and an object upon which to satisfy himself in bed… or she would die alone. And unlike Manuela, she would not have the skills to fall back on to be a professor or physician, so as soon as she was too old to be the pretty little rose for the Enbarr nobility, she would be destitute as well. The latter seemed more likely with each passing week.</p>
<p>“What should I do, Professor?” she asked, wiping away her tears with her sleeve, no longer caring what damage this did to her makeup. Who was she still trying to impress, after all? “This can’t continue, but what other options do I have?”</p>
<p>Manuela thought for a moment. “You should give yourself a break, dear,” said Manuela. “Take a break from men. Focus on your studies, and on finding things that make you happy. Because what you’re doing now clearly isn’t working.”</p>
<p>“I… I can’t,” stammered Dorothea. “I only have a few months left here. It’s the best opportunity in my life to… to find someone.”</p>
<p>“Well,” replied the older woman. “If that’s how you feel, I won’t try to stop you. Just don’t wear yourself ragged trying, dear. There’s more to life than trying to find a man. And know that if you ever need to unload your heart, you can always come talk to me.” She looked down at her own drink. “It helps more than alcohol in the long run. And you know that if there’s anyone in the world you can trust on that subject, it’s me.”</p>
<p>Dorothea giggled a bit, then stopped, terrified that she had offended her mentor. But instead, Manuela’s face warmed visibly, and she patted Dorothea’s hand.</p>
<p>By the time her tea arrived, Dorothea was starting to feel much better.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Daydreams</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Edelgard stretched her arms above her head in annoyance. “I can’t live up to your high expectations of me all the time, Hubert,” she said. “I daydream just like anyone else, sometimes.”</p>
</blockquote>Having grown more infatuated with Dorothea, Edelgard allows herself to fantasize about the other woman, only to conclude that such fantasies could never become real.
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: sexual fantasies</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>~Wyvern Moon (month 10)~</p>
<p>The lesson was on the War of the Eagle of Lion, which was fitting since their own mock recreation of it was just over a week away.</p>
<p>Professor Byleth was giving the lecture, no doubt having just studied it herself. Edelgard once again wondered why the Church had given this clearly uneducated mercenary a professorial position, and if it was related to the fact that she could wield the Sword of the Creator. It certainly wasn’t for the educational benefit of Edelgard and her classmates, but then again, the Church of Seiros rarely did things for anyone’s benefit but its own. Still, Edelgard had to admit that Byleth was doing a decent job of covering the basics of conflict. The lesson cast the church in a much more positive light than Edelgard’s understanding suggested it deserved, but that was to be expected.</p>
<p>Growing bored as it became clear she wasn’t going to learn anything new from this lesson, her eyes drifted sideways to Dorothea, who was dutifully taking notes.</p>
<p><em>She really is so beautiful</em>. Edelgard had always recognized that beauty objectively. Even among opera stars, who were rarely plain, Dorothea had stood out. Edelgard remembered the first time she had seen Dorothea on the stage three years ago, and had been stunned to learn that the songstress was less than a year older than her; even then, she had been so much more eye-catching and <em>womanly</em> than Edelgard. But now…</p>
<p>She tried not to stare, but it was hard. Dorothea was so perfect. Her lush brown hair fell to her shoulders and beyond in beautiful waves. Her hand was smooth and unblemished as she elegantly gracefully held her pen; Edelgard had no idea how she managed to keep her hands free of calluses despite all their sword training at the monastery. Her outfit offered just the barest hint of cleavage and held snugly to the ample curves of the songstress’s body. And her eyes, not that Edelgard dared meet them now, were such a beautiful shade of emerald green; Edelgard could lose herself in them as if she were wandering through a lush forest. Edelgard sighed ever so slightly at the thought of her. The princess let her eyes wander up towards the ceiling, thoughts of Dorothea’s beautiful body invading her mind.</p>
<p><em>What would it feel like, to be with her?</em> Edelgard imagined Dorothea’s lips meeting hers, the songstress’s tongue darting into Edelgard’s mouth to lovingly play, the taller woman’s lush breasts pressed heavily against her. Would Dorothea have had experience with another woman? Edelgard’s fantasy decided that either she did or she was a natural, it didn’t matter. Dorothea was now pulling open Edelgard’s shirt, smiling coyly as she descended, one hand cupping one of Edelgard’s breasts as she took it in her mouth. Edelgard moaned, her own hands tangled in Dorothea’s hair. Dorothea’s other hand descended further and further and then…</p>
<p>The hand snapped back like a kicked puppy, and Dorothea’s face twisted with the look of someone who had just gotten a noseful of spoiled eggs. “Edie, what in the goddess’s name <em>are</em> you?”</p>
<p>The vision fled, as Edelgard willed it out of her thoughts. Tears tried to fill her eyes as she gazed up at the ceiling, but she willed those away as well, blinking rhythmically until she defeated them. Tears were useless.</p>
<p>But this fantasy was also useless. Worse than useless, as it tantalized her with something that could not be. She brought her focus back to the lecture, and then catching something, raised her hand. “Teacher, I disagree with that assessment.” As an argument rapidly formed in her mind, she found solace in flexing her intellect. “While the economic conditions of what we now call Faerghus were certainly a contributing factor to Loog’s appeal, I feel you are significantly underselling his masterful stoking of nationalist sentiment. In my opinion…”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“You weren’t yourself today, Lady Edelgard,” intoned Hubert, simply and bluntly.</p>
<p>Edelgard said nothing. If he had noticed, then denial was pointless, but there was no need to betray more of her thoughts than necessary. They were alone now, in a spare Black Eagle study room which they often used to discuss their strategy.</p>
<p>“You were unusually unfocused on the lesson today,” he continued. “While I would hardly blame you for not wanting to waste your time with propaganda, it is still not like you to let your attention wander so openly. Why, I do believe even Linhardt might have paid more attention than you today.”</p>
<p>“Are you chiding me, Hubert?” replied Edelgard, trying not to sound too cold. “I thought you would approve, given that you so obviously disdain the education we receive here.”</p>
<p>“My opinion on that subject is not relevant,” said Hubert, crossing his arms. “You have made it clear you consider your education here to be valuable and useful. For you to suddenly allow yourself to be distracted from it is worrying, to say the least.”</p>
<p>Edelgard stretched her arms above her head in annoyance. “I can’t live up to your high expectations of me all the time, Hubert,” she said. “I daydream just like anyone else, sometimes.”</p>
<p>“Others do not have the responsibilities that you do, Lady Edelgard,” her retainer replied, his voice cold.</p>
<p>“So, am I not allowed to <em>think</em> about anything besides our goals?” she snapped impatiently. Honesty was best with Hubert. “If you must know, I was thinking of someone I fancy. Since I have no intention of acting on such thoughts given all that we are trying to accomplish, they are all I have. I would appreciate it if you would respect me enough to allow me to have them without chiding me.”</p>
<p>Hubert actually seemed surprised at that. Admitting that she had emotions beyond her devotion to their goal was not something she did often, she supposed. She felt childish, suddenly, and wanted to apologize for failing to live up to his image of her. But as she struggled to find the words, he dropped his own eyes apologetically.</p>
<p>“I did not mean to upset you, Lady Edelgard. As you say, your thoughts are your own. And I have always known you to have a peerless ability to sort out your priorities.” With one hand over his chest, he bowed. “At the same time, I hope you will not be offended if I offer you my advice.”</p>
<p>“Of course, you know I always value your counsel,” she said. She meant it, but also wanted to help him smooth things over. They could not afford to fight.</p>
<p>“My philosophy on the matter is that we must guard our feelings,” said Hubert. “Romantic inclinations are a weakness that can be exploited by our enemies, and the coming months are too important. Even if you never act on them, if your enemies figure them out, they can use the object of your affection as a tool to threaten you. You know what our enemies are capable of.”</p>
<p>Her expression hardened. “I do, Hubert. And you’re right, as you so often are.” She sighed. Then, putting this subject behind her, she walked up to the door. and took a sweeping glance outside to ensure the hall was empty before pulling the door quietly shut. “Now, I have some more thoughts on how we can make an appeal to Gloucester without tipping more of our hand than necessary, and I would appreciate your feedback.” Their disagreement was quickly forgotten as their plans began to take shape.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Noble and Common</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Still, despite her ragged breath, Dorothea found their clash exhilarating. As their swords met once more, she caught a good look at Edie’s lilac eyes, a window into the princess’s perfectly focused mind. It was a joy to watch Edie’s graceful movements. She was poised and confident, without a hint of self-doubt; everything Dorothea wished to be.</p>
</blockquote>Dorothea and Edelgard bond over their shared dislike of the institution of nobility, and Dorothea also begins to let herself be tempted by the possibility of a romantic relationship... but has her own demons to overcome.
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: strongly implied sexual content</p><p>Any negative opinions of any characters should be taken as the opinion of the character expressing them, not the author. I love all the characters who appear in this work. :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>~Wyvern Moon (month 10)~</p><p> </p><p>Dorothea brought her wooden training sword up to meet Edie’s with a loud <em>clack</em>. Her arms stung as she barely managed to parry the princess’s weapon. Edie hesitated just a moment before bringing her sword back for another swing, which Dorothea again blocked, panting.</p><p>Before coming to Garreg Mach, Dorothea had smugly thought herself good with a sword. Her teacher had thought so, though that might have been because Dorothea had exceeded his low expectations for a commoner girl. And when she had needed to use it against noblemen who had insufficient understanding of the word “no”, her skills had mercifully proven adequate. But facing the likes of Petra and Ferdie, let alone Professor Byleth and Professor Jeritza, had taught her otherwise. And Edie was the most difficult opponent of them all. Though she stood half a head shorter than the songstress, her blows came with unbelievable strength – as a result of her crest? – and she rarely, if ever, made mistakes. Edie was clearly going easy on her, otherwise their practice match would have been over in seconds.</p><p>Still, despite her ragged breath, Dorothea found their clash exhilarating. As their swords met once more, she caught a good look at Edie’s lilac eyes, a window into the princess’s perfectly focused mind. It was a joy to watch Edie’s graceful movements. She was poised and confident, without a hint of self-doubt; everything Dorothea wished to be.</p><p>Two short claps from Professor Byleth called an end to their match. Edie extended a free hand and clasped hers in a firm shake. “Let me return the swords,” she said. “You look like you could use a drink.”</p><p>Gratefully, Dorothea handed her sword to Edie and went to pour herself some water from one of the water jugs sitting on a side table. Then, she returned to the bench to await the next stage of the lesson. Edie joined her, and Dorothea patted her hand as she sat down. “Thanks,” she said, offering the most generous smile she could. Not every noble would offer to do that for her, even here. Edie blushed. She was so cute when she was embarrassed.</p><p>“Professor,” a sullen yet insistent voice was calling out. It was Felix, who was also at the training ground, even though he was not in their class. “Spar with me.”</p><p>“I am teaching a class, Felix,” said Professor Byleth with a hint of exasperation in her voice. “And you have a class of your own to be at. Come back later.”</p><p>“You promised to spar with me this morning, and you didn’t show up. I <em>will</em> have my match. We can show your class a thing or two about what a clash between real warriors looks like. Just one match, then I promise I’ll leave you alone and go back to class.”</p><p>The professor, obviously annoyed, looked like she was about to snap at him, then just shrugged. “Fine.” She turned to the Black Eagle class. “It looks like a lot of you could use a few minutes to recover anyway.” She grabbed two swords and threw one at Felix. He caught it by the hilt effortlessly as the professor regarded him. “But I <em>will</em> speak with Professor Hanneman tonight and there <em>will</em> be consequences if you don’t head there promptly after we’re done.”</p><p>As they adopted their battle stances, Dorothea murmured softly to Edie, “Poor professor. She may be nominally in charge, but against an entitled noble boy, she’s as powerless as any other commoner.”</p><p>“It is completely unjust,” Edie agreed, her voice quiet but firm. “When I am emperor, things will be different. One’s ability to command others should not be based on one’s parents or one’s crest.”</p><p>“I agree, of course,” said Dorothea approvingly. “But I don’t think this is something you’ll find easy to change.”</p><p>“The difficulty of a task does not make it less worth doing,” declared Edie. “I intend to change it, so change it I shall.” She turned to face Dorothea, and the intensity melted from her face. “But I am being thoughtless. I never did ask, how did your date go the other day?”</p><p>Dorothea’s nose wrinkled involuntarily. “There won’t be a second date. And, if it’s all right with you, that’s all I want to say on the subject.”</p><p>Edie exhaled at that. Perhaps she was mirroring the anger Dorothea herself felt? The princess was very hard to read. “Well. I am sorry that you had a bad experience.” She paused, a frown crossing her face. “Did he hurt you?” Her hand seemed to move subconsciously to the knife belted at her waist.</p><p>“The only thing he hurt was my faith in noblemen,” said Dorothea with a shrug. “And frankly, that faith is already more battered than Lin would be if he fought Felix.” She smiled as she nudged her head in Linhardt’s direction, where he was leaning his head on the shoulder of an awkward-looking Caspar, either asleep or close to it. At least he had actually shown up for this lesson; Hubie was nowhere to be seen.</p><p>Edie laughed, cautiously but genuinely. She regained control of herself quickly. “I suppose I can’t fault your feelings there,” she said. “Dorothea… I don’t want to tell you what to do, but have you ever considered giving up this quest of yours?”</p><p><em>Only every day. </em>“I have to do what’s best for my future,” she spoke, as if from a script. Saying it out loud, she could almost convince herself it was what she wanted.</p><p>“I mean…” Edie trailed off, looking down at the hands she had just clasped in her lap. “I’m your friend, Dorothea. And I will be the emperor. I could help with your future. Just… please don’t settle for someone who doesn’t make you happy.”</p><p>“That’s sweet of you, Edie,” she purred. “You make me happier than any man, you know.”</p><p>The princess’s face turned crimson. Dorothea’s heart raced a bit at that, before the more sensible part of her prevailed. “I’m just teasing, Edie, I’m sorry. But you do blush so sweetly.”</p><p>“Of course, Dorothea,” she managed, holding her hand to her head as she gave it a shake. “You just have such a unique way of teasing, I’m sometimes at a loss for words.”</p><p>Dorothea giggled, but had no time to say anything else. Professor Byleth was calling for their attention again. The moment passed, becoming just a joke that they had shared.</p><p>***</p><p>That night, Dorothea lay in bed, staring at the ceiling.</p><p>The Black Eagles had been the easiest place to look for a potential husband, of course, since she spent so much time with them. But it had taken only a few days to rule all of them out as possibilities. Hubert made it very clear that he was far too devoted to Edie – probably not in a romantic way although it was hard to tell – to have anything to offer her. Lin was intelligent and not overly self-absorbed or cruel, but seemed to care for nothing except sleep and his research, and was frequently insensitive without meaning to be. Caspar was a sweet boy, but too far in the other direction, barely capable of having an intellectual discussion about anything which was not connected to fighting, which Dorothea found abhorrent. And Ferdie… Dorothea shuddered slightly at a memory from her childhood. Never Ferdie.</p><p>Dare she consider a woman? Edie was quite a catch compared to them… or honestly, any man she had ever met. Dorothea could talk with her about almost anything, and Edie would always engage her with respect. They couldn’t get married, of course, but the emperor certainly had the ability to support a lover financially. Being the emperor’s concubine? That didn’t sound bad, actually. And Edie was a woman. That… certainly had advantages.</p><p>
  <em>Her name was Stella, and she was a stage hand. A few years older than Dorothea, with a wicked sense of humour. They’d joked together, cried together, and become good friends. And then one night, as a particularly tearful Dorothea was getting changed to go home after a disastrous performance, Stella had kissed her. And then, a little later, brought her mouth instead to what lay between Dorothea’s legs.</em>
</p><p><em>It had been heavenly. Stella hadn’t been the first to attempt to pleasure her that way, but she </em>was<em> the first who seemed to do it for Dorothea’s benefit, rather than to stroke his own ego. She had never before felt what she felt that night, never known that another’s touch could make her feel loved instead of soiled. And when she later returned the favour, it was with a lust she had never suspected she possessed.</em></p><p>
  <em>They had been together for three months. They never talked about the future – Dorothea had already committed to her journey to Garreg Mach in search of a husband – but they had been very happy. Dorothea hadn’t wanted to be too open about the relationship, but in private, she had no trouble expressing her love for her girlfriend. When they had parted ways just under a year ago, it had been with regret but also a feeling of inevitability.</em>
</p><p>Of course, Dorothea had left that life, and Stella, behind when she came to Garreg Mach, trading happiness for her future. What other choice did she have? The new location offered new temptations. In addition to a multitude of men, an occasional woman had expressed a clear interest in her, and she had found them substantially more appealing... but Dorothea had resisted them. It would simply never do. For her future, she must be a chaste and devoted wife. She dared not do anything that might devalue her in the eyes of her future husband. It was bad enough that a few people suspected what she had had to do to afford the tuition.</p><p><em>And when Edie finds out, she’ll cast you aside in an instant,</em> she thought to herself. <em>Assuming she actually feels anything for you, which she probably doesn’t</em>. <em>A properly sanctioned, irrevocable marriage to a man… that is your only hope. Your </em>only<em> hope</em>.</p><p>Dorothea curled up in her bed, and waited impatiently for sleep to claim her. She waited a while.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I felt it was important that I flesh out Dorothea's past romantic/sexual experience. IMHO, too often fiction ignores such things, even though they're an important part of the fabric of who the characters are and how it shapes their approach to future relationships. I appreciate that FE3H was willing to at least imply that one of its female characters might (gasp) actually have a sexual history, and with my read of Dorothea as mostly oriented towards women, decided to run with it.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Nightmares</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>“That’s... horrible...” said Dorothea, sniffling as tears glimmered in her eyes. “But... why? What could possibly justify all that senseless death?”</p>
</blockquote>The events in Remire village have worsened Edelgard's nightmares. At Dorothea's concerned prompting, she confides in her friend about her tramatic past, and how it has shaped what she plans to do.
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>~Ethereal Moon (month 12)~</p>
<p>Edelgard awoke with a start, her body drenched in sweat. Despite just waking up, she already felt very alert. The latest nightmare was fading quickly, its specifics already starting to slip from her memory. A small mercy, at least. Just over a month had passed since the Battle of the Eagle and Lion, and just days since the calamity had occurred in Remire. The former had created happy memories, but the latter gnawed at her daily and had only added to her terrors nightly.</p>
<p>For a moment she considered just lying there, but the sweat, slick upon her, told her that was a bad idea. She got up and gingerly removed her nightshirt, then used it to sponge herself dry. Satisfied, she went to find another nightshirt, but realized she was very thirsty. So instead, she picked out her previous day's clothes from the hamper and put them on, threw on a jacket, and headed to the mess hall to find some drinkable water.</p>
<p>A cold winter wind greeted her as she stepped outside. It was dark, of course, although candlelight did spill from various windows as she moved through the monastery grounds. A couple times, she passed guards, and nodded to them properly. She also caught sight of two other students, but avoided them. She did not want to talk to anyone right now, and, judging by the way the pair were sitting so close, they probably did not want to be interrupted either. Edelgard allowed herself a slight moment of jealousy as she pushed open the doors to the mess hall.</p>
<p>The hall was empty except for one person. Dorothea. She was seated at one of the tables, her hands clasped around a teacup which she held half-raised to her lips. She was wearing a pair of ruby earrings, and a sleek black dress with a high neckline. She was wearing more makeup than Edelgard was used to seeing, and she had obviously done her hair since Edelgard had last seen her, earlier that day in class. Catching sight of her, Dorothea raised one of her hands to wave, a big smile on her face. Edelgard felt her insides swim a little as she went to the counter to pour herself some water, then headed over to join her friend.</p>
<p>Of course, they had spent time together since Edelgard had resolved, more than a month ago now, not to pursue Dorothea romantically. Although Edelgard tried to maintain a distance from her classmates, Dorothea still remained the closest thing Edelgard had to a friend. And, still feeling shaken from her nightmares, Edelgard found herself yearning for a friend to talk to. She had no ulterior motives, she assured herself, as she sat down across from the woman who made her mouth feel dry.</p>
<p>“Hey Edie,” Dorothea said with a smile. “Trouble sleeping?”</p>
<p>“A bit,” Edelgard admitted. “And you? What are you doing up at this hour?”</p>
<p>“Edie, it’s not even midnight yet,” chuckled Dorothea. “Though it has been dark for a while, I suppose.”</p>
<p>Edelgard turned with surprise to glance at the clock behind them, which confirmed Dorothea’s words. She sighed, not looking forward to another six hours of sleep and what they might bring. “I keep underestimating just how long the winter nights are here. It’s even worse than in Enbarr.” She looked at Dorothea’s dress and makeup again. “Another date, I assume? How did this one go?”</p>
<p>Dorothea leaned her face against a single finger, her green eyes raised to the ceiling in contemplation. “It went... not badly, actually? He didn’t make me hate him... <em>or</em> myself. I can’t say it was the most entertaining evening, but he was probably my most tolerable companion yet.” She turned to Edelgard, the smile returning to her face. “This might be the first one to make it to a second date.”</p>
<p>Edelgard vaguely heard herself saying some blandly encouraging words as her heart lurched a bit. She gripped her glass tightly as she pictured Dorothea kissing some brainless man who would not appreciate her. <em>Stop this foolishness. She’s not for you. If she’s found happiness, be happy for her. </em>Good advice, Edelgard reasoned, as her heart completely refused to take it.</p>
<p>“Edie, are you okay?” said Dorothea, her face full of concern. “If something’s bothering you, you can tell me.”</p>
<p>Edelgard scrambled desperately to talk about something, anything that wasn’t related to her feelings for this woman. “I... I was having nightmares. I’ve had them for years, actually, but since what happened a few days ago in Remire, they’ve gotten worse.” Having started, she found herself unable to stop, even as a voice screamed at her not to go further, nobody must know this, nobody could be trusted– “The same people who hurt those villagers, they... hurt me as well, a few years ago.”</p>
<p>“Oh, Edie,” said Dorothea, reaching out to her. The songstress’s hands were warm as they encircled Edelgard’s own, cupped tightly around her glass.</p>
<p>“I used to have siblings, you know,” spoke Edelgard in a quiet voice, trying to remain calm.</p>
<p>“They died from a plague, right?” said Dorothea softly, her eyes full of sympathy. “I remember.”</p>
<p>“That’s the official story, but it’s a lie,” said Edelgard, her tone blunt and methodical. “In a secret dungeon beneath the palace, they were sacrificed. In experiments... carried out by those people. The same ones Tomas was with.”</p>
<p>“The Flame Emperor? Was he responsible?”</p>
<p>“No!” said Edelgard, too abruptly, to which Dorothea pulled back. “Professor Byleth told me that the Flame Emperor claimed he was not responsible for Remire. And I believe him, because I know who was responsible for the things that happened to my siblings and myself, and it was not the Flame Emperor.”</p>
<p>“To your siblings... and to you?” said Dorothea, her voice hesitant.</p>
<p>Well, there was no going back now, she supposed. “They wished to impart one of us with a second crest. I was deemed most suitable. And for this, my brothers and sisters were all sacrificed.” Tears were running down her face now, but her voice remained quiet and ice cold as she blinked through them steadily, fixing Dorothea’s horrified gaze with her own. “And not just them. Others... commoners who would not be missed.” She gave a brutal laugh. “Even you might have been one, if you hadn’t become an opera star. They all died, and what is left of them is a part of me now.” She placed her hands over her abdomen, as if trying to feel their souls inside her.</p>
<p>“That’s... horrible...” said Dorothea, sniffling as tears glimmered in her eyes. “But... why? What could possibly justify all that senseless death?”</p>
<p>“They wanted to create an emperor powerful enough to achieve their ambitions,” she said. She clenched her fist, her eyes focusing on that. “But I have my own ideas. With the power I have, once I ascend to the throne, I will use it to create a better world. A world in which the weak can never again be sacrificed at the whims of the strong, a world which dispenses with this grotesque obsession with crests. And I will cast <em>them</em> down. I swear to you, Dorothea.” She fixed Dorothea’s eyes with hers, and Dorothea met them unflinchingly. “It will be a world where all are free to rise and fall based on their own merits, where someone so obviously smart and talented and capable as yourself would never need to sell yourself to some idiot who has accomplished nothing in his life except being descended from some bloodline the goddess deemed special!” Her voice rose in a crescendo as she continued, and she had to hold herself back from shouting.</p>
<p>Dorothea did not speak as she stood up and slowly walked around the table. As she put her hands around Edelgard from behind, she whispered, “If anyone can do it, Edie, you can. You’re the strongest person I know. Stronger than anyone I can imagine, to be who you are today despite...” She dropped down so that her head was almost level with Edelgard’s, and Edelgard turned to meet her so that their noses were almost touching. Dorothea’s mouth hovered mere inches from Edelgard’s own. “I want to see the world you will build.” For what seemed like an eternity, they held there, saying nothing more.</p>
<p>The mess hall doors opened with a bang, and Raphael sauntered in. Dorothea stood up so quickly she almost knocked over the chair that Edelgard was seated in. “Hey, Edelgard, Dorothea!” he said, his loud voice almost deafening after the quiet exchange the women had just shared. “I don’t suppose there are any leftovers around, are there?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. The Ball</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>“Edie...” she said, letting her voice linger for a moment as she spun the smaller woman. Her attempt to coax Edie to spin was clumsy, but fortunately the princess knew exactly what to do. “Please don’t apologize. I’m... so honoured that you shared your heart with me.”</p>
</blockquote>Dorothea and Edelgard share a dance at the ball, as their feelings for each other blossom.
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>~Ethereal Moon (month 12)~</p>
<p>The chandeliers in the great hall were alive with hundreds of candles, dancing as if they were the background singers of a grand opera. The chairs and long rectangular tables had been removed and in their place there were a few small circular tables lining the walls. The great hall seemed far larger due to the newfound floor space, and Dorothea stood watching as dozens of students and visitors danced together. </p>
<p>Dorothea sipped her wine, making sure she was holding her glass in the most proper fashion. She had been to balls in Enbarr, but always as a performer, part of a musical group. No musical group was present today; instead, the music was being piped in through the walls by some magical technique that Dorothea did not fully understand, but Professor Hanneman had claimed was a recent import from Almyra. She was surprised he had been allowed to use it; the church normally frowned on anything from Fodlan’s eastern neighbour. But, Dorothea admitted, it did allow for a bit more extra space in the room, which was valuable given the sheer number of people that now occupied it.</p>
<p>Every student from Garreg Mach was in attendance, near as Dorothea could tell, as were most of the faculty members. Additionally, many other young nobles were present, having traveled from their homes in Adrestia, Faerghus, and Leicester, presumably not wanting to miss a chance to mingle with Fodlan’s future rulers. It was the only event of the year where such mingling was permitted, the only day where the students were allowed to focus on their social niceties instead of their studies.</p>
<p>The presence of the nobles made it an extra important evening for Dorothea of course, and she had dressed her best. Normally her courting dresses were modest, but she had decided for something a bit more eye-catching today. The low cut of the green silk was perhaps slightly risque for the event, but only slightly. But now that she actually stood in the hall, she found herself questioning her decision. Would these nobles see her as a potential wife, or merely a pretty jewel worth only a moment’s fancy? And so, she held herself off to the side a bit, hoping that her bashful smile and the demure way she held her glass would balance the invitation of the dress. Maybe it was all in vain, anyway. Maybe there was nothing she could do to make these bigshot nobles think she was anything more than a plaything.</p>
<p>Her dark thoughts were interrupted by a small wave from Petra as she strode up to Dorothea, moving awkwardly in her heels. It was, Dorothea reflected, the first time she had ever seen the warrior from Brigid move awkwardly. She wore an auburn dress which complemented her darker colouring quite well; Dorothea had helped her pick it out earlier this month. Petra took her place beside Dorothea, standing at the sidelines of the ball, and turned to watch the proceedings.</p>
<p>“I am having great difficulty with this, Dorothea. This ‘ball’ is a battlefield I am not having familiarity...” She paused, grappling with the words. “I am not familiar with it.”</p>
<p>“Well, you’re hardly alone,” Dorothea replied. “The nobles, they’re used to this. But commoners like me are another matter. I really don’t know if I’m behaving properly.”</p>
<p>“You are still trying to be having the eyes of men, Dorothea?” Petra gave her a sidelong glance. “I do not understand Fodlan mating customs. In Brigid, we do not present our interest by standing in a corner.”</p>
<p>Despite herself, Dorothea laughed. “<em>Courting</em> customs, not mating customs. Mating customs would mean... something which we shouldn’t talk about here.” She hoped her wink communicated what she meant, and decided to change the subject just to be safe. “But no, I meant that there’s a whole etiquette to how one is supposed to behave at these things, and I don’t fully understand it.”</p>
<p>“You talk and then you dance,” said Petra with a shrug. “Though the talk at this ball is very... I think you say boring. But this dancing, I have interest. Dorothea, do you know the ways of Fodlan dancing? I am liking to learn.”</p>
<p>“Oh yes,” Dorothea replied, quite truthfully. While she had not had much cause to dance socially, many operas included popular dances which the star was expected to perform convincingly. “Shall I show you?”</p>
<p>Petra nodded eagerly. Dorothea took Petra’s hand, leading her onto the dance floor.</p>
<p>While most dances were done between a man and a woman, there was no rule against two men or two women dancing. Dorothea had already spied Claude dancing with some young man she did not recognize (to Lorenz’s disapproving glare, which Dorothea suspected was half the reason Claude did it). And besides, Petra was right; Dorothea did need to do a better job of catching eyes tonight, and maybe a dance with the pretty foreign woman would do just that. But mostly, she did legitimately want to help her friend. She berated herself for not realizing that Petra might have wanted dance practice before the ball. <em>I’m not much of a friend</em>, she sighed as she led Petra through the steps of the dance.</p>
<p>Petra, fortunately, was a quick study, as she always was. The pair stumbled once or twice, but by the time the tune came to an end, she already seemed notably more confident than when the song had begun. As the music was replaced with the polite applause of those not dancing, Petra clapped her hands together. “Dorothea, your teaching is very good! I have gratitude!” Dorothea tried to find the words to say that she really hadn’t done much as Petra’s genuine smile warmed her heart.</p>
<p>And then, a second later, her heart began beating so hard she thought it was going to leap from her chest. <em>Edie</em>. The imperial princess was standing just a few steps away. She wore a dress that was a complex tapestry of red, gold, and black. Though it was cut in a style that was currently fashionable in Enbarr, Edie had clearly made some modifications; the stark colours and the bold eagle imagery on the dress made it look as much a military uniform as a ballroom gown. Her hair was done up even more elaborately than usual, swept up in a pair of buns on each side of her head, with a pair of spiralling silver ringlets framing her perfect face. She projected beauty and power in equal measure.</p>
<p>“You truly are a splendid dancer, Dorothea.” In her even tone, it sounded more a statement of fact than the flattery it actually was. Dorothea’s heart still lept to hear it. “But I am, I must admit, quite jealous of Petra now. Would you favour me with the next dance?” She extended a single hand towards Dorothea.</p>
<p>“Shall we continue our conversation later, then?” came a voice from the princess’s side. Lysithea.  Dorothea felt embarrassed that she hadn’t even noticed the smaller girl, who wore a plain white dress and whose hand cradled a glass of something that was definitely not wine. Some sort of fruit juice? As her gaze took in more than just Edie, she also noticed Hubert, dressed smartly in a suit and his hair looking like it had been properly styled for the first time in his life, glowering just behind the princess’s left shoulder. As he looked at her, his eyes seemed to peer into Dorothea’s soul for just a moment, before they moved on to sweep the rest of the room.</p>
<p>“Yes,” said Edie, only barely turning her head to acknowledge Lysithea. “That would be best. I will send you an invitation, if that is acceptable to you.”</p>
<p>“Uh... okay.” Lysithea turned to go, but Dorothea had already put her out of her mind as she took Edie’s hand and led her onto the dance floor. For some reason, Petra looked very happy. Hubie very much did not, but then again, he rarely did.</p>
<p>“I don’t know this song very well,” murmured Edelgard as the opening bars played. “Could you lead, Dorothea?”</p>
<p><em>A dance with Edelgard!</em> Well, Dorothea had been trying to attract attention, had she not? Was this not what she wanted? Butterflies swam in her stomach. Despite Edie’s praise, she felt a decidedly <em>dreadful</em> dancer as she tried to make her feet go where she wanted them to. The strong fingers of Edie’s right hand clasped those of Dorothea’s left as Dorothea directed their steps, basic muscle memory of the needed movements suddenly taking far more of her focus than she could ever recall. But if Edie was disappointed at her clumsy dance partner, she did not show it. Instead, behind their usual focused gaze, the princess’s pale violet eyes seemed almost sad.</p>
<p>“I am sorry I haven’t found time to talk privately with you recently,” said the princess, her voice pitched just loudly enough to carry over the music, but softly enough that nobody else would hear. “I must apologize for unburdening myself upon you like that.”</p>
<p>“Edie...” she said, letting her voice linger for a moment as she spun the smaller woman. Her attempt to coax Edie to spin was clumsy, but fortunately the princess knew exactly what to do. “Please don’t apologize. I’m... so honoured that you shared your heart with me.”</p>
<p>“Perhaps it would be best if you forgot about it.”</p>
<p>“Don’t.” Dorothea felt stung by Edie’s words. “Don’t ruin this perfect moment by trying to push me away.”</p>
<p>“Perfect?” Edie’s eyes searched Dorothea’s own. “You consider this... perfect?”</p>
<p><em>Oh, please, don’t let that be mockery</em>. “You and me, under the lights. Everyone watching us. Wishing they were us. Either you, the most beautiful princess in Adrestia’s history, or me, the lucky woman dancing with her. What could be more perfect?”</p>
<p>Edie danced on silently, and for a moment Dorothea felt terrified. <em>Did you really think flowery exaggerations were the way to her heart? </em>But as the song neared its end, Edie suddenly spoke. “You’re right. This <em>is</em> perfect. I disagree about one part, though. I don’t care what anyone else thinks.” And with that, as the last verse of the tune reached its climax, Edie awkwardly pushed her face up to Dorothea’s own, giving her a kiss. It was over so quickly Dorothea almost thought she’d imagined it. For her part, Edie’s eyes seemed to search around in panic, as if suddenly self-conscious that <em>everyone</em> must have seen what she had just done.</p>
<p>But her self-control returned rapidly. “Thank you for the dance, Dorothea” she said, as the clapping from the audience ended. The soft vulnerability was gone from her voice, replaced with her usual poised demeanour. “It was an honour I shall not soon forget.”</p>
<p>And with that, she was gone, dancing with some visiting nobleman from Enbarr. Dorothea chose a spot at the side of the room and watched. She couldn’t take her eyes off Edie, whose movements were suddenly far more graceful now that she was not held back by a lovesick fool.</p>
<p><em>Lovesick? Is that what I am?</em> she thought. <em>I guess so, huh?</em></p>
<p>A big, stupid smile broke out across her face. A voice inside her told her that she couldn’t afford to be in love with Edie, repeating all the arguments that she had made to herself in the past. A second voice told her that she should pay attention to the men who now approached her, wanting a conversation or more from the woman who had danced with the future emperor. She ignored both of those voices, and the men.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I took some minor liberties with the canon here: in the in-game video of the ball, all the students are still wearing their school outfits. I choose to take that as a limitation of the game's art budget; given that the characters do talk about dressing up, I find it hard to believe they wouldn't for such an occasion. And besides, it's more fun to imagine how everyone would dress. :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Trust</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Edelgard sighed. It would be easier if she hadn’t met Dorothea. Easier if she did not care for the idea of sharing her body with the person she loved, as Lysithea seemed not to. But she was being foolish. After all, like Lysithea, love was not for her, even if the reasons were different.</p>
</blockquote>In an attempt to come to terms with what was done to her, Edelgard asks Lysithea to share her own, similar experiences. She discovers that the two have processed their trauma very differently, and struggles with who she can afford to trust.
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW:<br/>-recollection of past torture/abuse<br/>-a character expresses self-loathing due to her external sexual characteristics</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>~Ethereal Moon (month 12)~</p>
<p>A pot of tea was brewing on her desk as Edelgard set the small table in her room to receive a guest. It was the morning after the ball. She was thankful Lysithea had agreed to come visit her, as it would let her keep her mind off of last night.</p>
<p>Not that she wanted to forget <em>all</em> of it! Dorothea had somehow been more beautiful than ever last night. With a sigh, Edelgard recalled how the songstress’s stunning green dress had laid bare all the voluptuous curves of her upper body as a feast for Edelgard’s eyes. She had worn a beautiful silver necklace, splayed out on the slope between her neck and her breasts, with a sparkling emerald in the centre that matched her eyes. It had been all Edelgard could do to keep herself from gawking; how could one woman be so stunning? Edelgard’s heart gave a little flutter as she recalled dancing with Dorothea, gazing into her captivating green eyes, one hand twined with Dorothea’s like a lover while her other hand rested upon her bare shoulder. She could hardly believe she had had the courage to ask for that dance. But why, oh why had she had the brainless idea to kiss her? Edelgard had long dreamed of her first kiss, had imagined what it might feel like. Did that little peck even count? It had been a sad thing. A desperate act from a cowardly woman who knew she would never share anything more intimate with the person she loved. She just hoped that Dorothea had not been made too uncomfortable. As Edelgard reflected, the songstress <em>must </em>have received similar unwanted physical advances many times. Had Edelgard just lumped herself in with all those thoughtless men Dorothea so hated? Maybe she should find Dorothea and apologize for her boorish behaviour.</p>
<p>A knock came at the door, and Edelgard opened it to admit Lysithea. “Please, have a seat,” said Edelgard, as warmly as she could manage. She closed the door and had a look at the smaller girl, now once again dressed in her immaculate Garreg Mach uniform. Her round face had a child-like quality to it, but her wide rose-coloured eyes had a steely, unflinching look. They were the eyes of a survivor. Lysithea had admitted the other day that she had been through a similar... procedure as Edelgard. Edelgard felt a kinship for Lysithea she had rarely felt for anyone since her siblings had passed six years ago.</p>
<p>Taking her own seat across from Lysithea and pouring the tea, she searched for some small talk. “How are you, Lysithea? Do help yourself to the cake.”</p>
<p>“Thank you, Edelgard.” She helped herself to a small slice of pound cake on the table. “And I am doing well.” She took a big bite. “My sh’u’ies are ‘oming along nishely. I...”</p>
<p>“It’s okay,” said Edelgard with a laugh. She stirred some milk and sugar into the tea, with extra sugar for Lysithea, of course. “No need to talk with your mouth full. Finish your cake first.”</p>
<p>Lysithea finished chewing quickly and swallowed. “You sound like my mother,” she said, slightly annoyed. “But I am sorry for being rude. Anyway, as I was saying, my studies are coming along nicely. I got the highest grade in my class on our history test two days ago. And the ball was... actually quite fun. The food was delicious and the conversation was more enjoyable than I expected. Not something I would ever want to do regularly, of course. It is simply so inefficient to spend all that time dressing up.” She took her first sip of tea, a contented smile spreading over her face. “Delicious. The perfect level of sweetness, in fact. You really are an exceptional host, Edelgard. So, what did you want to talk to me about?”</p>
<p>Edelgard took in a deep breath. “I know it’s a difficult subject, Lysithea, but would you be willing to talk to me about... how you got your second crest?”</p>
<p>“Again?” Lysithea wrinkled her nose. “I don’t mind, Edelgard, but why? Unless I completely mistake my guess, you already know what I would tell you.”</p>
<p>Edelgard sipped her tea. “Still, I would like to hear your story.” For some reason, it was important that she not admit to Lysithea outright what she had suffered through.</p>
<p>
  <em>A girl’s wailing, endless through the night. A boy’s sudden screams, ended abruptly with the sound of some sort of hard fabric against flesh, and a barked “Quiet!” Edelgard could not tell if the voice was from a stranger, or if it was her uncle. They all sounded the same now.</em>
</p>
<p>Edelgard felt her hand, below the table, grip her belt knife. She could find only one word. “Who?”</p>
<p>“I beg your pardon?” said Lysithea, a confused look on her face.</p>
<p>“Do you remember who did the experiments on you?”</p>
<p>Lysithea shook her head. “I was very young. All I remember is that they had pale skin, like death. A mix of men and women, I think. I can’t recall their faces.”</p>
<p>“Pale skin...” mused Edelgard. “Did you hear about Remire? The one who was pretending to be Tomas, and his followers... they had pale skin too.”</p>
<p>“Yes,” whispered Lysithea. “You think there is a connection between what happened to me, and what happened in Remire?”</p>
<p>“It’s possible.” Edelgard sipped her tea, gathering her thoughts.</p>
<p>“When I was young, I thought about making them pay.” Lysithea crossed her arms and tilted her head a bit to the side. “But eventually I decided that was a waste of my time. There is so much I want to accomplish, and I have so little time to do it. But, if they are still out there, hurting others... then I would like to stop them.”</p>
<p>“I know exactly how you feel.”</p>
<p>“I imagine you do, Edelgard. And I want you to know...” Lysithea paused, looking contemplative. Then she looked directly at Edelgard, her rose eyes shining with intensity. “... that if your plans involve putting an end to the misery they cause, you can count on me.”</p>
<p>Edelgard tried not to breathe a sigh of relief at that. She did not dare to fully trust Lysithea, of course, but hearing that still felt reassuring. With her confidence bolstered, she pushed on. “And, I have one other question for you, but...” She paused, then went on. “I fear that it is rather personal.”</p>
<p>“If you have a question, just ask.” Lysithea’s voice carried a hint of annoyance. She helped herself to another piece of cake, as if she was trying to make more efficient use of the time that Edelgard was wasting by stalling.</p>
<p>Edelgard inhaled a bit, then said, “The experiments changed your blood, of course. Did... anything else about you change, then?”</p>
<p>“My hair.”</p>
<p><em>Of course, that was a stupid question.</em> “And... anything else?” She glanced downwards, hoping that if her guess was right, that Lysithea would take her meaning.</p>
<p>“Oh.” Lysithea’s pink eyes narrowed slightly. “You really do know everything, don’t you, Edelgard? My parents always cautioned me not to talk about it, but since you clearly already know... yes. My genitals are not like those of other girls.”</p>
<p>Edelgard winced, visibly she was sure, hearing Lysithea talk about it so openly. It had been the answer she was expecting, of course. A flood of shame washed over her. <em>She knows how you know, she knows you’re the same, she knows that you’re...</em> She gave her head a small shake. Lysithea just watched her, with her too-adult eyes peering out from her childlike face.</p>
<p>“Don’t you hate it?” whispered Edelgard.</p>
<p>“Not nearly as much as I hate my shortened lifespan,” said Lysithea, crossing her arms. “I only have dim memories of what I was like, before. And besides, it doesn’t matter. It’s not like I ever plan to marry or have children.”</p>
<p>“And that doesn’t hurt?” <em>Because it certainly hurts me. </em>“Resigning yourself to a life alone? Because of how you were violated?”</p>
<p>“I mean, I’m not happy about it!” Lysithea snapped. “I don’t want to die young. Who does? But since I am, better to use my time to help my family, and the people under our protection, than pining over someone when all I have to offer him is the chance to be a young widower.” She drained her tea, then munched her cake sullenly.</p>
<p>“Well. Thank you for sharing that with me, Lysithea.” She tried to make her voice as warm as possible. “I’m sorry for bringing up painful memories.”</p>
<p>“It’s fine. I know you wouldn’t ask without a reason. Hopefully my knowledge is useful to you, at least.” She got up from the chair. “But if you’ll excuse me, I am <em>very</em> busy.”</p>
<p>From anyone else, Edelgard would have taken that as rude, but Lysithea almost surely meant it earnestly. “I appreciate your time. Feel free to take some cake for the walk.”</p>
<p>“You do really like bribing me with cake, don’t you?” said Lysithea, the hint of a smile returning to her face. “But I don’t mind. Thanks.” She grabbed what looked like three slices and headed for the door.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Alone in her room, Edelgard tried to process her conversation with Lysithea. How was it that they had been through the same thing, but they processed it so differently? Edelgard knew that having the Crest of Flames might cut her life short, but then again, many other things might, too. But Lysithea seemed obsessed with her lifespan. Meanwhile, Lysithea hardly seemed to care about how her very womanhood had been distorted. Edelgard couldn’t even begin to imagine that. Maybe it was because Lysithea was little more than a child? Or because she had learned to live with it for longer?</p>
<p>Edelgard sighed. It would be easier if she hadn’t met Dorothea. Easier if she did not care for the idea of sharing her body with the person she loved, as Lysithea seemed not to. But she was being foolish. After all, like Lysithea, love was not for her, even if the reasons were different. So her special curse could remain her personal secret until death found her, as it surely would sooner or later. <em>Definitely sooner, if you can’t keep your mind focused on cutting your path</em>. She drew out her belt knife and looked at it, and wished she could remember the face of the person who had given it to her. It had been a simpler time, back when she had believed love still might be in her future. Back when she was a girl with a single crest and a single sex.</p>
<p>She sighed, turning her mind elsewhere. <em>Could</em> she trust Lysithea? Lysithea’s pledge had been unexpected, but welcome. Dorothea, Lysithea, and her teacher... all people Edelgard dearly wanted to trust, all of whom she had shared secrets with. She looked at the knife again, remembering whose carriage she had been in when she had first inspected it. Trust had not always served her well, after all.</p>
<p>A rapid knock at the door announced Hubert, and Edelgard commanded him to enter, sheathing her knife.</p>
<p>“Lady Edelgard.” His bow was formal, but quicker than usual. “I have just returned from tracking <em>them. </em>They were headed to the unused chapel, and were leading some students in with them. I deeply fear they mean to proceed with their experiments, and the students will be the subject of them.”</p>
<p>“Oh no...” said Edelgard, her hand never leaving the knife on her belt. “Is it Solon? Has he returned?”</p>
<p>“No,” said Hubert. “Their leader... was Monica. She wasn’t even hiding her face.”</p>
<p>Of course. Monica. The girl had tried very hard to be seen with Edelgard. Edelgard hadn’t been able to figure out why, but now it became clear. If Monica deliberately let it be known that she was responsible for what Edelgard suspected was about to happen, suspicion would fall on her “friend” Edelgard as well. Was that their goal? To make it clear she could have no allies but them? Was that why they had chosen the hometown of her teacher, as well? To push them apart?</p>
<p>Her hand gripped her knife even more tightly, her voice rang out, cold and clear. “We must stop them.”</p>
<p>“With all due respect, Lady Edelgard, I am not sure that is prudent.” His pale green showed concern. “We have discussed this. It is too early to turn against them openly.”</p>
<p>“Then we shall do so without being open about it. I will <em>not</em> let them push me around, Hubert.” She raised a hand to her forehead as her brain raced. “Leak this to the knights. Use an anonymous letter if you can’t think of anything else. We <em>will</em> stop my uncle’s people from committing more gruesome deeds. Enough is enough.”</p>
<p>“As you wish, Lady Edelgard.” Hubert bowed. “If that is your will, then I shall ensure that it happens. Leave everything to me.” He swept from the room, wasting no more time on unnecessary words.</p>
<p>She could trust Hubert, if no one else. At least, she dearly hoped so. If not, all her plans were for nothing. If she believed in prayer, she would pray that she could at least trust him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Fading Light</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Dorothea smiled, turning to Edie as well. “Thank you for that, Edie. You’re so sweet. I <em>love</em> being your dear friend.” Her heart raced, and her stomach filled with butterflies, as she willed the next words out of her mouth. “And... I wouldn’t mind being more.”</p>
</blockquote>Dorothea, overwhelmed with her feelings of love, finds the perfect opportunity to confess her heart to Edelgard. Edelgard's answer is <em>almost</em> what she wants to hear, but also devastating.
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>~Guardian Moon (month 1)~</p>
<p>The monastery was a somber place. Jeralt, one of the most celebrated members of the Knights of Seiros, was dead. Those who had known him well were especially distraught. And of course, nobody had taken it worse than his child, Professor Byleth. The professor had rarely been seen outside her room since; Professors Hanneman and Manuela had covered some of her lectures during the past week. It felt like everyone at the monastery was sad, afraid, or both.</p>
<p>By contrast, Dorothea Arnault felt the furthest she had been from sad since she had first arrived in Garreg Mach. She felt guilty about it, but it was all she could do to avoid skipping through the halls between classes. It was as if the goddess herself had appeared before her and transformed her heart into a vessel of pure joy. She was in love with Edie. Somehow the feeling was more intense than what she’d felt for Stella, her lover from her last days at the Mittelfrank Opera, and of course infinitely beyond anything she’d felt for any man. Edie was just so <em>complete</em> as a person. Intelligent, hard-working, strong, and so confident. She always seemed to know what to say, whether it was managing the Black Eagle class or cheering up Dorothea when she was down. Dorothea didn’t think she had ever met anyone so talented, but the most admirable thing about her was that, unlike <em>some</em> people at the monastery, she had no interest in wasting her talents. She was going to be an emperor for the ages, Dorothea just knew it. She would change the world for the better, and Dorothea would be at her side to support her... in whatever role Edie would have her play. Perhaps she would be the emperor’s personal songstress. <em>And</em> her lover, of course. She blushed at the thought of that, but only a little. Maybe Edie would have a political husband, some useless fop of a nobleman like the ones who had always made leering eyes at Dorothea. Dorothea smirked at the thought of dismissing him from the emperor’s chambers so she could make love to “his” wife.</p>
<p>Edie’s kiss had changed everything. There was no way that had been done as a mockery. Edie would never risk making a fool of herself to play mind games with Dorothea. And in the days since, Edie’s behaviour had confirmed it. Dorothea caught Edie gazing wistfully at her during class. Caught Edie’s eyes drifting downwards when they were chatting, the day Dorothea had worn a low-cut blouse. Made Edie blush furiously when she’d teasingly hinted at her actual affections for the silver-haired woman. Dorothea recognized all the signs of infatuation; coming of age as a diva, it would have been dangerous if she could not. Edie was in love with her too, there could be no question.</p>
<p>But what were the next steps? Edie certainly seemed reluctant to make any sort of move. She was adorably shy, never wanting to confirm how she clearly felt. It was understandable, Dorothea supposed. She knew (or at least, she’d always hoped) that Edie valued her as a friend. It made sense that Edie did not want to risk their friendship by coming onto Dorothea. Edie was so considerate and socially conscious that she probably understood that her affections might be hard for others to turn down without consequence, and she did not want to put Dorothea in that position. Whatever the reason, Dorothea found it quite sweet. So she would have to make <em>her</em> intentions more clear. It was just a matter of waiting for the right time to confess her feelings.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>That time came a few days later. Dorothea was returning from a choir recital in the cathedral, walking along one of the smaller bridges that led back to the academy grounds. That was when she spied Edie. She was leaning forward, arms resting on the balustrade, and gazing off into the distance. Dorothea took a moment to follow her gaze, and saw the clouded southwestern sky lit up in gold as the winter evening approached. It was a beautiful image, though to Dorothea’s eyes, not as beautiful as the princess watching it.</p>
<p>She slowly walked up to Edie, who turned and regarded her with a shy smile as she approached. Dorothea didn’t say anything, but instead silently stood to Edie’s right, looking out toward the sunset as well. After taking a few moments to enjoy the view, she broke the silence. “It’s lovely, isn’t it?”</p>
<p>“It really is.” Edie kept her eyes fixed on the horizon. “I shouldn’t be here. Hubert is waiting for me. But I just needed a little time. So much has happened, and there is so much I have to do. Sometimes I find it a little overwhelming.” She turned to Dorothea, the golden sunset reflected on her beautiful face. “But I’m glad you’re here. I will always make time for you... my dear friend.”</p>
<p>Dorothea smiled, turning to Edie as well. “Thank you for that, Edie. You’re so sweet. I <em>love</em> being your dear friend.” Her heart raced, and her stomach filled with butterflies, as she willed the next words out of her mouth. “And... I wouldn’t mind being more.”</p>
<p>Edie blushed, crimson overpowering the gold. She turned and looked toward the horizon again. “That...” Her voice was only barely audible. “That would be... so nice.”</p>
<p>Dorothea held out her left hand for Edie to take. It took Edie a moment to notice, and when she did, she looked confused. “Would you like something, Dorothea?”</p>
<p>“Take my hand, silly!” Dorothea giggled.</p>
<p>“Oh! Oh... I’m so sorry!” Edie blushed again. Good goddess, was she adorable. “I’m not very good at this.” And then, carefully, she joined her hand with Dorothea’s, their fingers forming a tapestry. They both turned to look at the horizon again, their hands clasped between them at their sides. Edie’s hand was strong, but also gentle. The seconds seemed to stretch on forever. Dorothea tried to decide what to say next, but found herself unwilling to interrupt this perfect moment.</p>
<p>Finally, it was Edie who spoke. “I’m sorry, Dorothea.”</p>
<p>“What for?” The butterflies returned, with a vengeance. Dorothea turned towards her. In Edie’s violet eyes, still turned to the horizon, she saw tears.</p>
<p>“It’s just... not possible,” she sniffed. Tears escaped her eyes. “I <em>can’t</em> be with you.” The last words came out in an anguished sob. “I just <em>can’t</em>.”</p>
<p>Dorothea felt like she was floating inside her own body. It was a different woman who spoke with her voice. “It’s... okay, Edelgard. Can I give you a hug?”</p>
<p>Edie nodded, still sniffling, then turned and buried her face in Dorothea’s shoulder. Dorothea’s arms encircled the shorter woman. The embrace was what she had hoped for, but everything else was just wrong. The golden light bathing them now looked more like a sickly jaundice to Dorothea’s eyes. Dorothea waited until Edie’s sobbing ended. “Do you mind...” she tried. “Can I just know... why? If you don’t love women... if you don’t love <em>me</em>... just please tell me. Not knowing is the worst fate I can imagine.”</p>
<p>“No!” Passion returned to Edie’s voice, and she pulled away from Dorothea. “Dorothea, I swear to you, on the souls of my siblings. If I could be with <em>anyone</em>, I would be with you. I love you. I love you like I never thought I would ever love anyone again.”</p>
<p>They were words Dorothea had so longed to hear. They should have been the sweetest honey, but instead they were a bitter poison.</p>
<p>“Then <em>tell</em> me!” She felt the beginnings of her own sob as she spoke, but held it off. She had to know.</p>
<p>Edie’s eyes fell to the ground. “Dorothea. Right now, things are moving... things you can’t see. Things I should not tell you about. Things I <em>can’t</em> tell you about, for your own sake. I am the imperial princess of the Adrestian Empire. If you knew half of what I must do in order to achieve my goals, I do not think you would feel for me what you do now.”</p>
<p>“That’s not true, Edie,” Dorothea shook her head, then placed her hands on Edie’s shoulders. “Nothing can change what I feel for you.”</p>
<p>“Oh, really?” Edie spoke, a sickly hint of sarcasm entering her voice. It did not suit her. “What if I told you I was planning to kill innocent men and women? Children?”</p>
<p>Dorothea stared in horror, as if some serpent had taken Edie’s place. “Edie, don’t say things like that. I know you would never–”</p>
<p>“And that’s where you are wrong, Dorothea,” she cut in. Her words came ruthlessly, but they were more sad than angry. “I am sorry, my dearest friend. I am so very, very sorry.” She turned and looked out over the sky once more.</p>
<p>For a long time, Dorothea stared at Edie, the gold slowly fading from the sky. Her face looked carved from ice: no less beautiful than before, but at the same time, terrifying. <em>This is who she is. This is what I admire about her. Her strength, her resolve. She is willing to do what she believes is right, regardless of the cost to herself. Or, I suppose, to me. </em>She gave a deep, ragged breath, then looked down.</p>
<p>Surprisingly, there was Edie’s hand. This time, she was the one who had reached out to Dorothea. Silently, shaking a bit, Dorothea took it. She did not know what the gesture meant, but feeling the warmth from Edie’s hand was soothing.</p>
<p>“Dorothea,” said Edie, her eyes still avoiding those of the songstress. “When this is all over... and if I survive... I want to see you perform on the stage in Enbarr, once more. I always loved your performances.” She spoke with a strained voice, lacking any of her normal confidence.</p>
<p>That was not what Dorothea wanted, but she tried to smile. “I would like that, Edie. Though I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to perform anything but tragedies, from now on.”</p>
<p>Edie gave a weak laugh. “That’s a bit over-dramatic of you, don’t you think?”</p>
<p>“Edie, I perform <em>operas</em>.” Dorothea had to avoid laughing herself; she suspected it would come out as more of a cackle.</p>
<p>Slowly, Edie turned to face Dorothea again. Dorothea maintained her precarious attempt at a smile. <em>If she sees me smiling, maybe it will cheer her up, too. </em>This was love, Dorothea supposed. Her heart felt ripped to shreds, and yet, Edie’s happiness still meant the world to her.</p>
<p>“Dorothea, I...” the princess began, then trailed off. “I just want to say...” She seemed almost in pain, pressing the side of one arm into her abdomen. “Never mind.”</p>
<p>“What is it, Edie? I promise I can bear it. I’m stronger than I look, you know.”</p>
<p>“I have never doubted your strength.” Edie’s usual confidence returned. “Nor any of your other qualities. The fault here is entirely mine. You are an amazing woman, Dorothea. Don’t ever doubt it. I truly hope you find love, even if it isn’t with me.”</p>
<p>With a dreadful certainty, Dorothea knew she never would. The realization took root in her, and her pathetic smile finally cracked and faded. Edie saw it. With a sad nod, Edie turned her back on Dorothea. She placed her hand on her hip and stared out across the darkening sky one last time. “Good night, Dorothea.” And she strode away, down the bridge, into the twilight. Out of Dorothea’s life.</p>
<p>They would see each other in class tomorrow, of course, but Dorothea knew it wouldn’t be the same. The flirting, the teasing, the shared laughter... it would all be gone. Just as well, really. As wonderful as it had been, it had always been a lie.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. From the Past, the Future</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p></p><blockquote>
  <p>If the wrong person learned what she was planning, then all her suffering would be for nothing. She had thought every day about telling Dorothea or her teacher, or both, about her plans. To reach out her hand. And she had found she could not. Because she was a coward. Because she thought that if she suffered another betrayal, it would break her forever.</p>
</blockquote>The night before her war against the Church of Seiros begins, Edelgard recalls a series of memories which made her into the person she is today.
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Content warnings:<br/>-strongly implied torture and abuse<br/>-transphobic bullshit</p><p>Parts of this chapter may be difficult to read. They certainly were difficult for me to write. If you are reading this and struggling with thoughts parallel to what Edelgard feels at certain points in this chapter, remember that you are valid and deserving of love and respect, and to hell with anyone who would tell you otherwise.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>~Pegasus Moon (month 2)~</p><p>The emperor of the Adrestian Empire lay in bed at Garreg Mach, staring up at the ceiling. Had she expected she would feel different, with her new title? She did not. Her mind still raced with all the threads of things she must do, plans that were falling into place at this very moment... and her memories. Those were never far away. And even now, they caused sleep to elude her. She badly wanted to get up and go for a walk, but she knew she would need every second of rest she could get for tomorrow. So she lay there, hoping her mind would relent and let sleep take her.</p><p>
  <em>The chains were cold against Edelgard’s wrists as she regained consciousness. That was a new sensation. The darkness, the hunger, the distant crying, those were all familiar... but the chains were new. The burning on the side of her ribcage was also new. She tried to remember what had happened. Right. She had taken her younger brother and made a run for it. It hadn’t worked, of course. They’d been caught. And afterwards... she had been punished.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Don’t make me repeat myself, little darling.” The woman’s voice was sickly sweet, like a poisonous yew berry. “Use that knife of yours and cut open your own flesh. At least... this deep or so.” She held her thumb and forefinger a little under a finger’s width apart. “That way, you will remember that it was your own actions that hurt you.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Edelgard wanted to throw her dagger at the woman. She doubted that the black, hook-nosed mask the woman always wore would protect her. One clean hit in the eye and Edelgard would be rid of her forever. But... no. She had seen the woman’s magic, and she was extraordinarily powerful. She would be ready. Her eyes clouding with tears, Edelgard looked at her dagger.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I suggest you choose somewhere on your torso. That way, nobody will see the scar. Less nerve endings there, too.” She crossed her arms, the black mask looking down menacingly at her. “And do it quickly, or I’ll do it myself, and believe me, I know how to cut a little girl deeply and painfully in a way that won’t do permanent harm.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When it was done, Edelgard tried not to scream, but after a few agonizing moments, she failed at that too. For a time, the woman just watched her suffering in amusement, her red-blonde locks shaking as she laughed. The woman’s white magic was a cold touch on Edelgard’s skin as she staunched the wound from a distance.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Now. Pick up your knife again. You’re not the only one you hurt with your foolishness. Right, little darling? Let’s go pay your baby brother a visit.” As the woman led her from the room, the twelve-year old girl prayed fervently to the goddess for mercy. For deliverance or for forgiveness, she did not know.</em>
</p><p>And in her bed, an eighteen-year old woman tossed and turned, trying to find sleep. That had been the last time she had prayed to the goddess. The goddess had not saved her or her innocent siblings, nor had she even given her the strength to stand up to the woman who had forced her to hurt her own brother. He had died soon after, and Edelgard always felt that it was she who had killed him, even though she knew that was illogical.</p><p>No. Ever since that day, she had never found the desire to pray again. A goddess who allowed such things to happen was either powerless or malicious, and deserved neither entreaties nor worship. Those who invoked the name of the goddess as they inflicted pain and suffering on others... they were her enemies.</p><p>And now, it seemed as if a piece of the goddess had awakened in her teacher. Which meant, in all likelihood, that her teacher was her enemy too. Edelgard wanted to believe otherwise, which was why she had invited Byleth to her coronation. But in her heart, she knew it was not to be. Her teacher would side with those monsters who ruled Fodlan, and abandon her.</p><p>
  <em>“So, she is the one. What an amusing coincidence.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Edelgard’s uncle stood on the other side of the room, talking with the woman. Edelgard huddled in the corner. Her body felt like it was on fire, as if the very blood inside her was trying to eat her alive. Her lower tummy felt particularly bad. She turned and saw her reflection in the mirror beside the medical table, and gave a start. She truly had burned up, her hair was as white as ash.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I am not surprised,” the woman purred. “She was always the strongest. Are you satisfied... Volkhard?” She said the name with a hint of mockery. “Your niece shall be the flame that consumes our foes. If you consider her such.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I do,” said Edelgard’s uncle. “Edelgard, I know this has been an ordeal, but you must know, it has all been for a purpose. You will be stronger, now. Stronger than you can imagine. And you will be the next emperor of Adrestia.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No!” Edelgard’s scream surprised her. “The next emperor is my oldest brother! Father’s firstborn! Not me!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Regrettably, he is no longer available to play that role.” Her uncle’s smile was terrifying. “But I will have you know–” He was interrupted as a black-masked man with pale skin entered the room and whispered something to him. “Ah, of course. Show him in.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A fat, orange-haired man stepped into the room, dressed in an elaborate, gaudy outfit that Edelgard supposed someone might find fashionable. Ludwig von Aegir, the prime minister.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You’re just in time, Duke Aegir. Behold, the next emperor. Our work is a complete success.” Her uncle extended his arm towards Edelgard, as if showing off a fine painting.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Her? I was sure it would be one of the older boys.” Duke Aegir sniffed dismissively. His voice was odious, nasal but still conveying immense arrogance. “All this effort, and we end up with a woman on the throne? I can’t say I look forward to being placed below a woman in the imperial hierarchy... even if it is in name only.” He laughed, a shrill sound.</em>
</p><p><em>Edelgard clenched her fist and bared her teeth at him. “I </em>hate<em> you. All of you! You took everything from me!” Her voice rose into a scream. “My brothers... my sisters... where is Father? I want to see him!”</em></p><p>
  <em>“Now, Edelgard, please calm down,” came her uncle’s voice, firm yet attempting to affect concern for her. Edelgard had once believed that concern to be genuine. No more. “I understand your feelings, but–”</em>
</p><p><em>“Oh, don’t bother, Arundel,” the prime minister cut in. “You can’t be too soft; you’ll spoil her.” He turned to Edelgard. “Your father is still alive and well. And if you’d like him to still be that way tomorrow, then you will be a good little girl and you will do as I say.” He smiled. “I’m sure you have memories of your childhood where your father was emperor in truth, but for three years now, the Empire has answered to </em>me<em>.” His shrill voice rose almost to a scream to punctuate that last word. “Behave yourself and you will be emperor one day, little girl. But make no mistake, no matter what title you end up with, I will </em>own<em> you.” He pointed a fat finger at her. Edelgard was very proud that she did not shrink away</em>.</p><p>As ugly as that memory was, it now brought a grim smile to Edelgard’s face. Duke Aegir had been arrogant, and his arrogance had blinded him. He had acted as if he were the emperor and forgot that the men who had helped him gain power – Arundel, Hevring, Bergliez, and the rest – had done so because they had thought her own father too powerful. They saw themselves as Aegir’s equal, and did not appreciate being treated as his subordinates. It had been almost too easy to turn them against him. An important reminder, Edelgard reflected. The same fate could easily await her if she did not keep her key allies, and the army, happy.</p><p>Which was a problem when there was one amongst her key allies whom she still dearly wished to make pay. Edelgard would have to bide her time where her uncle was concerned. Securing her own power and crushing the church would have to come first.</p><p>
  <em>Something about her was growing. Changing. She did not want to think about it. She spent a few days hoping that it would go away, but it kept getting worse. Finally, she broke down and told Father. Father was both confused and concerned but called a doctor.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The doctor, an elderly man with glasses, had looked her over, not even trying to hide his disgust. Edelgard just sat there, her eyes staring listlessly, trying to look at anything but the doctor’s face. Hoping that he’d be able to fix her, but wishing that he didn’t have to look at her to do it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Well,” he said afterward, when she’d put her clothes back on and Father had entered the examination room. “Your Majesty, I will speak plainly. I’ve never seen anything like it.” He cleared his throat. “Near as I can tell, your daughter – if you still want to call her that – is healthy, but...”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Father looked at her, sadness in his grey eyes. She shied back on the medical bench and looked intently at her own toes. She dimly heard his haggard voice.“Go on.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’d say that she... it... is something between boy and girl now. The goddess only knows what caused this. I’ve heard accounts of children being born this way. Their parents usually get rid of them.”</em>
</p><p><em>“If you even </em>hint<em> at that as a solution in this case, doctor, you will know the emperor’s anger.”</em></p><p>
  <em>“No, no, I know that’s not an option.” The doctor sounded a bit frightened. Father was not a man to be crossed lightly. Few had dared before the prime minister’s coup. “But my point is that treating this is unprecedented. I’m not sure surgery would work, and the attempt would likely endanger the patient’s life. So as hard as this is to accept, I think your dau... no, your child, may be stuck this way permanently.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No!” Edelgard screamed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The doctor went on, ignoring her. “Your guess is as good as mine as to whether... this individual is able to have children.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Edelgard could not help it. She felt as if his words were erasing her. She gave another scream, this one wordless, then burst into tears.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> “That’s enough, doctor.” She heard her father’s voice, shaking, and saw his fists clenched in anger. “Leave us at once. And speak to no one about this. I may not have the power I once had, but believe me, if I find out you have loose lips, I will do everything in my power to silence them forever.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Of course,” came the doctor’s terse reply. “No need to remind me of my oath of privacy, Your Majesty. I’ll take my leave.” He turned back as he reached for the door. “I don’t know what you did to anger the goddess,” he said. “For her to curse your last surviving child this way.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When he had gone, Father pulled her into a strong hug. Tears continued to stream down her face. “I’m a freak! A monster! You can tell that he wanted to say so. If I weren’t a princess, he would have said it! He would have!” She sobbed. “Am I... am I still your daughter?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Father just hugged her more tightly. “You will always be my daughter, El.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His words seemed to heal her soul, just a little. Sniffling, she looked at his face. He had looked so strong and healthy when she’d left for the Kingdom; now his cheeks were sunken and his hair grey. It was like he’d aged thirty years, some of that while she was away, and the rest while she was held in the dungeon. But his arms were no less strong and his voice no less caring, and Edelgard – El – loved him for that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“El, my darling daughter. If you lost both your arms, would that change who you were?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It would be highly inconvenient.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“That it would, El. But you would still be you, would you not? And my love for you would not change. So it is with this. You still have your arms, El. You still have your legs. And you still have your beautiful, brilliant mind. I know that you will use all you have been given to cut your path through life. I believe that the prime minister and his gaggle have underestimated you, and that you will be the greatest emperor Adrestia has ever known.”</em>
</p><p>Edelgard smiled at that last memory. The doctor’s words had haunted her often, while she found it much more difficult to recall her father’s kind words after. But when she did, she drew strength from them. Her father had truly believed what he said, and she was now doing her best to live up to his expectations. Come to think of it, Dorothea had said something similar, too. They were alike, the way they accepted Edelgard for who she was, and pushed her to be better. The way they both loved her.</p><p>Edelgard sighed, thinking of Dorothea. She had tried to push the woman away, tried to scare her, as much as doing so had made her feel like a wretch. When that had failed, she had tried to tell her about her plans, but she had not been able to succeed at that, either. It was too great a risk. If the wrong person learned what she was planning, then all her suffering would be for nothing. She had thought every day about telling Dorothea or her teacher, or both, about her plans. To reach out her hand. And she had found she could not. Because she was a coward. Because she thought that if she suffered another betrayal, it would break her forever.</p><p>She fervently hoped both would stay out of her way tomorrow. If her uncle’s scholars were correct, the assault on the Holy Tomb would have the potential to put them in a commanding position before the war even began. It was an opportunity she could not miss. <em>Please, do not make me choose between my path and those I love.</em></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. The Holy Tomb</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>She had faced battles before. They were horrible things. The possibility of death terrified her... her own, that of her friends, and even that of her enemies. She had killed before. But she had always been able to believe that what she was doing was right.</p>
</blockquote>Having been unable to tell her friends in advance, Edelgard makes her intentions clear at the Holy Tomb. Dorothea struggles to process the revelations, certainly only that she does not want the people she cares for to die.
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Content warning: violence</p>
<p>A small number of lines of dialog in this scene are taken from the game; once again full credit for them goes to their original writer(s).</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>~Pegasus Moon (month 2)~</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So long... I have waited so very long for this day. Sit upon the throne. I have no doubt you will be gifted a revelation from the goddess.” The archbishop’s voice was soft yet commanding.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorothea shifted uncomfortably as she watched the Professor climb the stairs. At their end was a strange and presumably ancient stone chair. She did not understand what was going on, but she did not like it. The hair on her arms and legs was standing on end. The archbishop was clearly anticipating something, but Dorothea had no idea what. Should she know? Religion had never been one of her stronger subjects. She glanced sideways at Lin. For once, the green-haired nobleman didn’t look the slightest bit sleepy, but he did look perplexed by something. Dorothea did not find that comforting; religious history was one of the few things he found interesting, so if even he was confused... well, it was too late to do anything about it. The Professor was sitting on the throne now; all Dorothea could do was pray that everything would be okay.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She glanced back at Edie, who had hung back as they entered the room. Wait, where <em>was</em> Edie? The princess had looked distressed at breakfast this morning. Oh, she had put on the same brave face as always, but her eyes had darted around as if fearing an attack, and she had put her hand to her forehead more than once, which she often seemed to do when she was under stress. Dorothea had wanted to say something to her, but when she had approached, Edie’s cold eyes had pushed her away. Dorothea let out a small sigh. Maybe she should go look for Edie. What if she had become sick on the way here? It would be just like that woman to not tell anyone when she needed help.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As if Dorothea’s thoughts summoned her, Edie strode into the Holy Tomb. She was not alone. She was accompanied by a few dozen men and women wearing the armour of the Imperial army. Her voice rang out, echoing in the ancient stone tomb. “Stop right there!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>An officer at her side dropped into a battle stance. Some sort of swordsman, his mouth twisted in a sneer. Dorothea did not recognize him. “Don't move, any of you.” He laughed. “If you move, your lives will be forfeit. Thank you ever so much for guiding us this far. The Imperial army will now take possession of everything in the Holy Tomb.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorothea struggled to come to terms with what she was seeing. Why was the Imperial army here? Suddenly everyone was talking at once. The Knights of Seiros who had accompanied them drew their weapons as the archbishop barked commands, any hint of softness gone from her voice. Dorothea glanced around at her classmates, and saw her own confusion and horror mirrored on their faces. All except the Professor. Her own face, now framed by that strange, lime-green hair, bore no expression whatsoever. Somehow that was the most unsettling thing of all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The archbishop was commanding them to attack, and to Dorothea’s horror, she saw Professor Byleth draw the Sword of the Creator and begin slowly marching towards the Imperial army. She dimly heard Edie’s voice, imploring Dorothea and her friends to stay back, with a warning that any who did not would be killed. <em>Are you truly surprised? She told you what she was capable of</em>. The Knights of Seiros charged, screaming battle cries, while Professor Byleth advanced in complete silence. Her classmates looked around, reluctantly drawing their weapons and looking to the Professor. Edie was crying out orders about something. Crest stones? It didn’t matter. Dorothea suddenly felt very far away from everyone. As everything was swallowed in a vortex of shouts, armoured footsteps, and the sounds of weapons being drawn, Dorothea could only shiver and watch as her world collapsed around her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was only one logical thing she could do.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She turned and ran to a corner of the room, as far away from everyone as she could, as fast as she could. Finding a waist-high monument that looked like some sort of sarcophagus, she dropped to her hands and knees behind it. She retched, but no food came up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She had faced battles before. They were horrible things. The possibility of death terrified her... her own, that of her friends, and even that of her enemies. She had killed before. But she had always been able to believe that what she was doing was right. She had fought at Edie’s side, and the Professor’s, and believed in both of them. Believed they would never order her into battle if there was a better way. Now, to see the two of them fight, it was just too much. She screamed into the uncaring stone floor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Suddenly, someone loomed over her. She turned and saw a soldier, armed with an axe. She was going to die. She was in no position to defend herself, and no will to, either. If she died now, it would almost be a mercy. But the soldier didn’t seem interested in her, at least once he decided she was no threat. <em>Almost insulting</em>, a part of her brain told her. The soldier was rifling through the sarcophagus, and drew a large stone out of it. That done, he turned and ran.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A gleaming sword, its blade shaped like a writhing serpent, pierced the man clean through the neck. His body fell to the ground, lifeless, the stone rolling from his hands along the floor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorothea watched his killer, a woman, take on two more foes, dispatching both with two a pair of strikes, quick as lightning. She recognized that white dress and long flowing green hair. <em>The archbishop</em>. From her hiding spot, Dorothea’s eyes followed her, unable to look away. She had always known the archbishop could be a frightening woman, but she had not expected this. When had the archbishop found time to learn the sword? And not just learn, but master. Murder seemed to come as effortlessly to her as singing did to Dorothea. She turned her eyes away from the bloody display of skill.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But as much as she tried, she could not look away from the fight. Her eyes found Professor Byleth, who was over at the graves on the other side of the chamber. She had seen the Professor fight many times before, but watching her now, she felt a sense of dread overcome her. And in a flash, she knew why.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Professor had no expression on her face at all. She looked like a... a doll. A murderous doll. In recent months, she had seen Professor Byleth show concern as she fought to rescue Flayn, show pride as she had led them in the Battle of the Eagle and Lion, and show anger as she had hunted down the ones responsible for her father’s death. None of that was visible here. This was the famed Ashen Demon, who lacked emotions just as ash lacked colour. Dorothea pressed her face to the floor, not wanting to see anything more. <em>This is wrong!</em></span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She did not know how long she lay there, but eventually, it was over. When the din of battle fell, Dorothea finally looked up. It seemed the Imperial army was defeated. Professor Byleth was standing over a kneeling Edie, Sword of the Creator in hand. The archbishop stood just behind the Professor’s shoulder. They were over at the other side of the chamber, and Dorothea could not hear what they said. But she did not need to hear. She knew what the archbishop was ordering. The same thing she ordered of anyone who dared oppose her. Dorothea thought she saw Byleth’s grip on her sword tighten.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Did Dorothea scream then? She couldn’t tell. She felt as if her senses were overpowered; she could no longer see or hear anything. She knew that if she kept seeing or hearing, she would witness Edie’s death. If Edie died, a part of her would die too. <em>Please.</em> She implored from across the chamber. <em>Please, Professor. Edie is your student, you must protect her...</em></span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She opened her eyes, and saw a miracle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Professor Byleth was now at Edie’s side, standing with her. Her sword was instead turned toward the archbishop.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And from across the chamber, Dorothea heard Rhea’s rising voice. “I have passed judgement. And now, I shall rip your chest open... and <em>take back your heart myself</em>!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A flash of light. And then, a new horror.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was no question what Dorothea had just witnessed. Just like Miklan Gautier, the archbishop had transformed into some sort of beast. She was huge, like some sort of giant white lizard, only with horns and wings. And she was angry. Terrifying roars echoed through the chamber as the creature that had been the archbishop belched gouts of blue flame at her foes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dorothea!” A dark-skinned hand reached down to her, and a familiar face stood over her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Petra...” she managed to exhale. She was suddenly filled with shame. What must she look like, crawling helplessly on the ground while her friends stood and fought? “Forgive me, Petra. I couldn’t... I couldn’t do anything. The most important battle of my life, and I just lay here.” She should have fought. <em>But for which side?</em> “I am weak. I am a coward.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dorothea, you are not either of those things.” Petra hauled her to her feet. “What you are, Dorothea... is <em>running</em>!” She almost shouted the last word.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Looking around the room, Dorothea saw that Petra was right. The great white beast was lashing out at everyone around her, and the remnants of the Imperial army were helpless as they tried to stop her. Dorothea spied Edie, Hubie, and the Professor making for the exit. The beast’s back was turned to Dorothea and Petra, which gave them an opportunity as well.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded to Petra, then the two of them took off. She did not stop running until the Holy Tomb was long behind her, and the bestial screams of the leader of the Church of Seiros had faded in the distance.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They made camp that evening in the woods outside Garreg Mach. Edie gave the order, and everyone followed, Dorothea included. They were so used to following her leadership that doing so still felt natural, despite what had occurred earlier in the day. The Imperial soldiers and Black Eagle class members mostly kept apart from each other as a camp was set up, but they worked in harmony all the same, following Edie’s directions.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorothea was assigned the task of seeing to everyone’s wounds. Although Edie had a deep gash across her right cheek, the Imperial princess had insisted Dorothea see to everyone else first. Fortunately, few of the wounds were too bad. <em>Because anyone badly wounded would not have made it this far</em>. As she worked her white magic, she said a small prayer for those who had fallen back in the Holy Tomb.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Finally, Dorothea approached Edie. Hubie was there too, a few paces off, watching Dorothea like a large, black bird of prey. By contrast, the smaller woman’s eyes avoided Dorothea’s as she applied her healing. The wound was a nasty one, but it was a simple matter to close it and remove the infection. Dorothea did not ask whose blade had inflicted it. She hoped it wouldn’t leave much of a scar. It would be a shame to mar that beautiful face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Again, Dorothea’s thoughts drifted to the faces of those who had fallen at the Holy Tomb. Marred forever, along with the rest of their bodies. She clenched one fist as she finished checking over Edie’s skin with her other hand. It didn’t have to be this way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Edie...” She heard her own voice, pleading. As if involuntarily drawn by her plea, Edie slowly moved her eyes to lock with Dorothea’s. Those beautiful, violet eyes, so good at holding secrets. So good at keeping Dorothea out. And so, without warning, Dorothea slapped Edie’s healthy, left cheek as hard as she could.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hubie moved like a viper towards her, but Edie, who hadn’t even flinched at Dorothea’s blow, raised one hand to halt him. “It is no more than I deserve,” she said, her voice speaking coldly and methodically.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re damn right!” Dorothea realized she was crying. “You’re the smartest person I know, but you’re also a big idiot, you know that? Why didn’t you tell us?” She grabbed Edie’s shoulders, gently, her voice falling almost to a whisper. “Why didn’t you tell <em>me</em>?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edie began to open her mouth, then pursed her lips. Her eyes never left Dorothea’s, but she was obviously struggling with what to say. “I always wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you so badly.” She closed her eyes. “But I was afraid. Afraid that if you knew, you would choose not to share my path. And I could not bear that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorothea pulled Edie into a hug, and spoke with a quiet voice, for her ears alone. Hubie probably heard, but she didn’t care. “How could you think that? Edie, I laid my heart at your feet. I told you I wanted to see the world you’d create. How could you doubt me? How could you doubt my support?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I offer no excuses.” Edie slowly pulled from Dorothea’s embrace to look her in the eyes again. “But I offer to you instead an oath. I will not keep a secret from you again. If you can forgive me. If you still want to support me.” Her expression hardened. “The path I intend to follow is not an easy one. It will be one soaked in blood. But I swear to you, I will leave this world a better place than I found it. Inherited nobility, the obsession with crests, a corrupt church led by a power-hungry beast, a system which cares nothing for the lives it tramples. It must all be torn down and replaced. And I will take whatever steps are needed to do that. As the emperor of Adrestia... and as your friend, I swear it.” She extended a hand. “Knowing that, do you still wish to follow me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Emperor?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Dorothea wondered if she should go down on one knee to swear allegiance, like knights in stories. But no. Edie had always treated her as an equal, and would probably hate such a display. Instead, she took Edie’s hand between both of her own, as a friend. “I will follow you anywhere, Edie. Never doubt that.” Edie’s lips curled upwards at that, just a bit, and her violet eyes seemed to sparkle. It was the first time Dorothea had seen her smile in days, maybe weeks, and it looked radiant. “But let’s not do this alone, shall we? The Professor, our friends... you’ll need their support too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re right, of course,” said Edie. “No use putting this off. I will call everyone together. I owe them an explanation.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I've long felt that that the Holy Tomb must have been an utterly traumatic experience for all the Eagles on the Crimson Flower/Silver Snow routes, but that the game kinda glosses over it and doesn't do justice to what it must have been like. Hence, this chapter.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Choices</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Finally, Dorothea spoke. “Edie, I used to always hate it when people told me to smile. I learned to do as they said, but I hated it. I always felt it showed how little people cared about my actual feelings, and that my superficial looks were what mattered to them.” She gave a small start, as if she had realized she had said more than she intended to. “My point is, I’m not going to tell you to smile more. But seeing the way you’re smiling now... I have to say, it’s intoxicating.”</p>
</blockquote>As the newly-minted Black Eagle Strike Force makes preparations to attack the site of their former school, Edelgard reflects with a mix of gratitude and disbelief on the fact that her friends chose to side with her. Her friendship with Dorothea is renewed, but she still struggles with the exact nature of their relationship.
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>~Lone Moon (month 3)~</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>Edelgard was making her rounds through the army’s provisional camp, taking time to check in on her people and their preparations. She addressed the soldiers and camp workers confidently, praising their work. For their part, they seemed overjoyed at receiving their emperor’s praise, and if any were having doubts because their emperor was a teenage girl, they gave no indication of it. And as for Edelgard herself... for all of her adult life, Edelgard had been good at hiding her emotions. It was a gift she felt especially lucky for at the moment. After all, if her true feelings were open for all to see, then everyone at the army’s provisional camp would witness an emperor gallivanting around, giggling wildly, and that simply would never do.</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>Somehow, her friends had chosen to actually side with her. All of them. She did worry that a few of them might be doing so reluctantly, but now that she had declared her intentions for Fodlan, she could not afford to be picky about the reasons for their loyalty. And best of all, Dorothea was once again favouring her with smiles, for the first time since their fateful conversation on the bridge two months ago. Even if they would never be a couple, Edelgard was happy to have her best friend back.</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>Rounding the corner, Edelgard stepped into their makeshift mess hall. And there she was. Dorothea was sitting at a table with Ferdinand, Petra, Caspar, and her teacher. Dorothea caught sight of her immediately and hopped up from her seat, quickly moving to grab a chair from one of the other tables and lift it back to hers, waving Edelgard over to join them. Edelgard debated for a moment as to whether this would be considered proper, then decided she didn’t care. She strode purposefully to the table and took the seat beside Dorothea.</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>Dorothea had changed out of her Garreg Mach uniform; they all had. She had dispensed with the hat she had almost always worn, leaving more of her gorgeous brown hair visible. The songstress now wore a red skirt which cut off above the knee, and a black tunic. It wouldn’t offer much protection in a fight, but it looked easy to move in, which suited Dorothea’s fighting style well. And of course, it being a Dorothea outfit, it was certainly fashionable. Edelgard highly approved of both the choice of colours and how snugly the tunic hugged Dorothea’s chest. She suppressed a sigh. She wondered if she’d ever stop being excited when she looked at Dorothea’s body. Such thoughts could be so... inconvenient.</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>“There’s our emperor!” exclaimed Dorothea, her green eyes shining warmly as she laughed. “It’s good to see you, Edie. Oh... would you prefer if we called you Your Majesty, to keep up appearances?”</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>“When we’re with others, it would be proper.” Edelgard smiled. “Though I doubt I’ll get used to it, coming from any of you. And when it’s just us, please, address me however you like. You are... my friends.” She regarded each of them in turn. Petra met her gaze proudly, Ferdinand with a smile that seemed a bit sad. Caspar seemed more interested in wolfing down his food, but paused to give her a thumbs up. And her teacher just watched her with those mysterious, bright green eyes. Edelgard continued. “I am deeply honoured that each of you have chosen to be here. I admit, I had hoped that you would, but I did not expect it from all of you.”</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>“Do you need me to say it again?” said Ferdinand. “You are the emperor, and it is my place to guide you. I will prove to you that you need my counsel, Edelgard.”</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>“You say that,” said Edelgard, for once not feeling annoyed at his insistent rivalry. “But do you not hold malice against me, for what I did to your father?”</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>“Edelgard, I am not blind to my father’s faults.” The sadness on Ferdinand’s face seemed to intensify. “I do not blame you for what you did. It is no more than he deserved. If anything... I should thank you for settling things peacefully. Despite his faults, he is still my father. I would not rejoice at his death.”</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>Her teacher – Byleth – spoke up, her voice quiet but firm. “A contrast to how Rhea handled things.” The others at the table nodded. “Over and over, we saw her choose death for those she deemed her enemies. But you, Edelgard, even faced with someone who had deeply wronged you, chose mercy. When Rhea ordered your death, I thought of the contrast, and that’s when I knew I could believe in you. That you were not the one responsible for my father’s death.”</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>Edelgard shivered a bit. “My teacher, I...” The temptation to be vindictive to the man who had helped ruin her life had been so strong. To think how different things might have been, if she hadn’t resisted it... “Thank you. For everything. With you... with all of you at my side, I believe we will succeed.”</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>“Yeah!” said Caspar, full of his usual energy. “You know, I wasn’t sure if I was doing the right thing, when I ran after you and the Professor. Didn’t really stop and think.”</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>“Do you ever?” said Dorothea, with a laugh.</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span><span>“Hey, I’ll have you know that I have thought about it, since!” Caspar’s voice was indignant. “And now that I have, I’m really glad I’m here. I got a letter from my dad today. He says he supports you, for the good of the Empire. And my dad’s a good guy. As scary as fighting a giant monster and all the Knights of Seiros is, I’d still rather do that than fight you </span><em>and</em> my dad.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>“Your cause is a cause of justice, Edelgard,” Petra chimed in. “You are a friend of Brigid; the church of Seiros is no friend to peoples not of Fodlan. I will be showing you my strength, now that we fight a worthy foe.”</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>Edelgard stared at each of them in turn, feeling overwhelmed. For six years she had felt all but alone. Oh, she had been able to trust Hubert, and her father, but no others, not truly. And now, it suddenly felt like there were so many people she could trust with her life. “Thank you, my friends.” Her gaze finally settled on Dorothea, who just looked back at her, smiling. Edelgard felt the threat of tears in her eyes. Perhaps the worst was yet to come, a bloody conflict with an unknowable ending, but with their friendship and love, she felt empowered to face it.</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>As if her teacher could read her mind, Byleth’s calm voice offered, “Everyone is here for you, Edelgard.” Nodding, her teacher got up. “I should go check on the students from the Kingdom and Alliance who have joined us. They may need more emotional support, now that it appears both Dimitri and Claude intend to defend the Church.” She walked away.</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>Petra looked at Edelgard, then at Dorothea, a smile playing on her face. “Ferdinand, Caspar, it is time for us to be training.”</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>“Again?” said Caspar. “Not that I mind. This time, we can have a friendly fight!” He laughed.</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>“I will not back down from a challenge,” said Ferdinand.</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>“A test of our skills is agreeable to me. But I warn you both, I will not be losing.” Petra stood up, and the others followed.</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>Dorothea shot Petra a grateful look as the Brigid woman led the boys away, then turned to face Edelgard. For a few moments, Dorothea just gazed at her. Edelgard gazed back, trying not to lose herself in the songstress’s beautiful eyes. Finally, Dorothea spoke. “Edie, I used to always hate it when people told me to smile. I learned to do as they said, but I hated it. I always felt it showed how little people cared about my actual feelings, and that my superficial looks were what mattered to them.” She gave a small start, as if she had realized she had said more than she intended to. “My point is, I’m not going to tell you to smile more. But seeing the way you’re smiling now... I have to say, it’s intoxicating.” She reached her hand across the corner of the table. “I’m just so glad to see you happy.”</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>Edelgard succumbed to temptation and placed her own hand on top of Dorothea’s, feeling the smooth skin on the back of her friend’s hand. She resisted the urge to gently rub her; that would certainly not be appropriate for mere friends! “Are you really sure? That you want to support me, I mean?”</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>“No matter how many times you ask, the answer will not change.” Dorothea smiled. “I know as well as you do that the church needs to fall, Edie. I hate fighting, but if I don’t do it, someone else will have to, in my place. And besides, some things are worth fighting for.”</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>“You consider the destruction of the church one such thing?” Edelgard was suddenly curious. Dorothea had dropped plenty of hints over the months that she had little love for the church. There was a lot to dislike, it was true, but Edelgard had accepted that not everyone felt as she did.</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>“My goodness, I do.” Dorothea’s voice was suddenly intense. “The church can rot for all I care. The goddess and her noble regime almost destroyed me. And whatever faith I could have in the institution was dashed by an experience I had long ago.” She looked sad. “If it’s all right with you, I’d rather not talk about that, now. It’s not the happiest memory.”</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>“Of course.” Edelgard was curious, but she did not want to pry. She knew all about unhappy memories, after all.</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>“For now, let’s just say that I hate them because on top of everything else, they turned me into an unpaid killer to help them settle their petty disputes.” Dorothea lifted her free hand – her sword hand – and looked at it. “I doubt I will ever take pleasure from battle, but if I ever do, it will be in using the skills they taught me to bring them down.”</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>“Not that they ever did much teaching, or generally cared for our education,” said Edelgard, smiling.</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>“No, I suppose they didn’t. They did care about taking our money, though.” Dorothea’s face took an even more sad turn at that. Was that a piece of the puzzle? The smile returned a moment later, and her voice took a haughty tone, as if mocking a self-important noble. “You should get going, Emperor Edelgard. I’m sure there are many important tasks which require your attention, and it would be most improper of me to keep you from them.”</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>“You’re right, of course.” Edelgard rose, admiring Dorothea one last time before she turned away. “Dorothea... again, I thank you.”</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>Dorothea responded by giving her a playful shove in the back. Edelgard tried to control her smile as she headed on her way.</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>In the next part of the camp, she came across her teacher again. The green-haired woman was sitting with Lysithea, their heads bent together in a quiet conversation. Edelgard just gave her a warm nod as she moved past, not wanting to interrupt. Byleth returned it.</span>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <span>They were connected, now. If Byleth hadn’t made the choice she had at the Holy Tomb, everything would have been different. And unimaginably worse. Would any of her friends had joined her, if Byleth had not? She did not know. She was glad she did not have to find out. But Byleth’s guidance meant the world to her. Together, nothing could stop them, not even the children of the goddess.</span>
  </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Within the Darkness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Edie turned and opened her eyes, facing Dorothea. Her violet eyes glistened in the lantern light. “Dorothea, I want so badly to make this world better. To create a world where others do not have to suffer. But in order to make that a reality, my own actions will cause suffering. The loss of our teacher is a bitter reminder of that. Even respecting her choice, it is still my responsibility.”</p>
</blockquote>Byleth has fallen during the battle of Garreg Mach, and nobody has taken this harder than Edelgard. Dorothea seeks out Edelgard in an attempt to cheer her up. They find comfort in each other's arms, and Edelgard reveals a truth she had planned to keep hidden forever...
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>~Great Tree Moon (month 4)~</p>
<p>Dorothea sat at one of the tables in the mess hall of Garreg Mach. She and five other members of the Black Eagle Strike Force ate in silence. It was a late dinner, as all of them had been busy with the ongoing cleanup efforts in the monastery. The structure had suffered considerable damage in the battle three days ago, and many of the facilities were to be repurposed. The clergy had fled, naturally, as had a good part of the staff, now replaced by members of the Imperial army and its camp followers. So while there were no lack of hands to help, there was also much work to do. The highest priority, of course, was securing Garreg Mach against a counter-invasion by the Church.</p>
<p>By any measure, the Adrestian victory three days ago had been decisive. While the archbishop and a good part of her forces had escaped, the actual clash itself had been a rout, leaving Adrestia in full control of the surrounding territory. According to the scouts, the Knights of Seiros had not even bothered to regroup nearby, but had fled north in the direction of Faerghus. That meant that there was no immediate threat of a counterattack. And most importantly, they were alive. Herself, Edie, Hubie, Petra, Ferdie, Bernie, Caspar and Lin, Professors Hanneman and Manuela... all except...</p>
<p>Dorothea fought away tears. The rational part of her brain told her that losses were part of war. That if the goddess had told her a week ago that they could take Garreg Mach and defeat the archbishop, and only lose one member of the Black Eagle Strike Force, that Dorothea would count herself fortunate to hear it. But it still hurt. What made it worse was that they hadn’t even found Professor Byleth’s body yet, which didn’t even allow them to put her death behind them and begin grieving. Instead, Dorothea ate in awkward silence, and so did everyone else. Nobody commented on the empty chairs which should have been filled by Edie, Hubie, and the Professor.</p>
<p>The sky was dark by the time Dorothea left the mess hall. With no tasks remaining for the day, Dorothea set out for her bedroom. Professors Hanneman and Manuela had both stepped from academic into military administration roles easily, and had been in charge of the room assignments. The Black Eagles all had their old rooms back, which was simultaneously comforting and strange, given their new roles. Their new lives.</p>
<p>As she rounded the corner to head to her own room, Dorothea noticed the stairs to the noble bedrooms on the second floor. She thought of Edie, and prayed that woman was getting some rest. Then, on a whim, she headed for the stairs herself, to go check. She walked slowly along the upstairs hallway, remembering where Edie’s room was: just above Bernie’s, two doors past the mid-hall stairs. It was funny to think that the emperor would be sleeping in essentially a glorified dormitory. Reaching the door, she found it closed, and gave it a knock. No answer. So, with a “I’m coming in, Edie,” just in case, she tried the handle. It was not locked.</p>
<p>Edie’s room was clean and tidy, just the way Edie would want it. On one side of the room was Edie’s bed, neatly made; on the other, the desk Edie would have used for doing her schoolwork. <em>Probably will be used for drafting military maneuvers, now,</em> Dorothea thought. Beside the desk, there was another door, one which Dorothea did not have in her own, slightly smaller room. After another knock went unanswered, she opened that one too, and discovered a small bathing room. Dorothea raised one eyebrow at that. Another advantage of being born a noble, she supposed. <em>Sure would be nice not to have to leave my room in order to relieve myself. Especially in winter.</em></p>
<p>Closing the door, she gave a start as she realized someone else was there. An old woman dressed in imperial livery stood in the door. Dorothea recognized her as one of the Garreg Mach servants who had helped around the monastery before the war began; clearly, she was one of the ones who had stayed on despite the change in administration. Probably an Adrestian herself. She seemed to recognize Dorothea too, which was just as well. Dorothea didn’t relish being mistaken for an assassin, skulking around in the emperor’s bedroom.</p>
<p>“Oh, it’s just you, Mistress Arnault,” said the woman, shaking her head. “I had hoped Her Majesty had finally returned.”</p>
<p>“Sorry!” Dorothea found herself apologizing. “I didn’t mean to trespass; I was just wondering where Ed– where Her Majesty is.”</p>
<p>The woman gave her an exasperated look. “Not here, I can tell you that much. She’s barely been in this room since you all got back here, and she hasn’t even used the bed.” She shook her head. “Makes my job easier, but I still hate to see it. Kids have no sense, and giving them a fancy title doesn’t change that. A healthy body needs sleep in a proper bed! If you see her, you tell her that, you hear?”</p>
<p>Dorothea smiled. Edie would be well served if all of her servants were this free to speak their minds about nobles. “If I see her, I’ll be sure to pass your wisdom along.” She left the room, and sighed. If Edie was still out... but she couldn’t be <em>there</em>, could she? At night? <em>Oh yes, she could. </em>With a feeling of dread, Dorothea left the dormitory.</p>
<p>Her steps took her past the fishing pond, past the market, and out the front gate... back to the site of the battle. She ignored the signs directing her away from the battle site and marched straight towards where she knew Edie would be. In the centre of the plaza where Professor Byleth and Edie had driven back the archbishop, a huge chasm had opened, a dozen paces wide and almost as many across. The ground had caved in when the archbishop’s fury had caused one of the nearby buildings to collapse outwards upon it. And the Professor had fallen into that chasm.</p>
<p>Bright red ribbons had been set out around the chasm, providing a caution against getting too close, as the nearby ground could easily be unstable as well. At the most sturdy edge of the chasm, a solitary man stood watch in the darkness. Dorothea carefully made her way over to him. Over to Hubert.</p>
<p>Hubie’s face was illuminated by a lantern at his feet. He said nothing as Dorothea approached, but turned his gaze from the chasm in order to acknowledge her. His face was haggard, and his eyes looked red, unless it was a trick of the lantern light. Could it be? Hubie, crying? Surely not.</p>
<p>“She’s down there, isn’t she?” Dorothea spoke, though it was more to make conversation than an actual question. She knew the answer; it was the only possible explanation for Hubie’s presence.</p>
<p>“Naturally.” Hubie spoke in his usual monotone, sounding more stoic than he looked. “She is down there most of the time, unless she has something more pressing to do. And she considers neither sleeping nor eating more pressing. I’ve had to have food brought here for her.”</p>
<p>Dorothea had never known Hubie to confide much of anything in her. For months she had assumed the man disliked her, only eventually realizing that what she had taken for coldness was how he treated everyone aside from his Lady Edelgard. He had to be really worried, for him to show this weakness to her now. “Don’t take this the wrong way, Hubie,” she said. “But I’m surprised you’re not down there with her.”</p>
<p>“Honestly, so am I.” Hubie managed one of his intimidating half-smiles. “But we had a... disagreement. Her Majesty made it clear that if I was going to continue to... ‘badger’ her, that I was no longer welcome to work with her. So, here I am.” He shrugged. “At least now that I’m here, the soldiers who otherwise were standing guard can get some much-needed rest. If only Lady Edelgard would follow their lead.”</p>
<p>“Isn’t it dangerous, for her to be down there alone? In the dark?”</p>
<p>“Oh, very much so. It’s a warren of caverns down there, and who knows how stable they are.” Hubie crossed his arms, and his smile only got more dangerous-looking. “By all means, go down there and tell her that.” He paused, looking contemplative. “Actually... would you?”</p>
<p>“Me?” said Dorothea, eying the black abyss. “You didn’t exactly make it sound very inviting, Hubie.” But if Edie was there, if Edie needed her...</p>
<p>Hubie’s thoughts seemed to go along similar lines. “I have always supported Lady Edelgard, since we were both children.” He rested his cheek on one hand. “As you now know, there is <em>nothing</em> I would not do to support her in her pursuit of her goals. Yet, regrettably, I have never been very good at... emotional support, let’s call it. Lady Edelgard is a woman of passionate feelings, even though she hides them well. I find those feelings difficult to understand, and I find it more difficult still to know how to help her when her feelings overwhelm her.” He sighed. “But you. You connect with her emotionally in a way I never have. You are very special to her. I think you may be able to help where I cannot.”</p>
<p>Dorothea nodded. As much as the gaping darkness terrified her, Hubie was correct. “All right. Can you lower me down there, Hubie?”</p>
<p>Hubie showed her to a rope which had been fashioned with handholds and legholds. Once Dorothea was secure, he handed her a lantern, and then began lowering her into the chasm. The air was colder as she descended, and gave off a foreign, musty odour. After what seemed like an eternity of drifting down, her feet finally touched something solid. By the lantern’s light, she had reached some sort of partial floor. The chasm continued down further, but the opening for further descent was much smaller, more of a crevasse than a true opening. Looking around, she saw several small caverns leading away from where she was. Hopping off her ladder, she glanced down each of them in turn. There was no sign of anyone. Although, down one of them, she heard a scraping sound... a shovel?</p>
<p>“Edie?” she called out. No response. The shovel, if that’s what it was, continued. She turned her voice upwards. “Hubie, I’m going to go look for her!”</p>
<p>The tunnel was cold, and also <em>wet</em>. Rivulets of water descended along the walls and pooled at various places along the tunnel floor. More than once, Dorothea stepped in mud. After the second time she angrily pulled off her shoes; it would be a shame to ruin them. The ground was cold and clammy, and Dorothea could swear she felt something moving under her feet at least once. But Edie was here, somewhere. As she moved further in, the sound of the shovel grew louder.</p>
<p>And then, without warning, Dorothea turned a corner and caught sight of her. The emperor’s normally pristine hair was a wild mess, and her uniform – the same one she had worn in the battle, if Dorothea was not mistaken – was covered in dirt and grime. As Dorothea approached, Edie whirled to face her, holding her shovel like a weapon. As recognition dawned, a look of relief flooded her face... and maybe a touch of disappointment, too. She turned back to shovelling.</p>
<p>As she did, she spoke. “This tunnel collapsed when we were investigating it earlier. That means our teacher might have gone through here before us. I’ve tried to open it again, but it’s been slow going. A lot of dirt fell onto the path.” She picked up the pace of her shovelling. “But that only makes my work here more important! I have to at least cut enough space so that air can get through. There’s water down here, she can survive for a few days on that, but without air... without air she...” She continued working, not speaking for a few moments, perhaps catching her breath. Dorothea had no idea what to say herself, so she said nothing. “I will <em>not</em> let her die, down here, cold and alone, with no light. <em>I will not</em>.”</p>
<p>Dorothea found herself wishing there was a second shovel. She had intended to come and bring Edie back, but now that she was here, watching Edie’s passion, she found she could not. Instead, she offered, “Would you like me to take over? For a few minutes, at least?”</p>
<p>“Thank you, but there is need.” Edie’s voice warmed slightly. “I have the strength to continue for a while yet. One of the gifts of my twin crests. For what purpose did I suffer, if not to use my strength in situations like this?”</p>
<p>Dorothea had no answer to that. She eyed the tunnel nervously. Could Edie’s shovelling cause it to collapse further, burying them both as well? She shivered. She nervously examined the roof of the cave for any signs of structural weakness. She prodded it gingerly with her hands; it seemed solid to her, but what did she know about caves? Not much. But she couldn’t bring herself to try to convince Edie to leave, nor did she have any desire to leave herself.</p>
<p>Finally, Edie gave a triumphant cry. “Dorothea, hold the lantern up to it!” Dorothea saw a hole that led through into blackness beyond. She looked through, but couldn’t see anything. “It does not matter,” the emperor continued. “We’re almost there!” A little more shovelling, and she had cleared a small tunnel, as wide as a person, out from under the opening she had created, packing the dirt into the walls so that it would hopefully support itself. And then, with a yell, she grabbed a lantern and threw herself head first into the tunnel, scrambling through it and disappearing into what lay beyond.</p>
<p>Dorothea waited a few moments, but heard nothing. Reluctantly, she got down on her hands and knees and tried to follow. She was not as slim as Edie, she realized. She tried to worm her way through, but after a few moments of awkward struggling, she gave up. Reluctantly, she pushed herself back out, tried in vain to brush some of the mud off of her clothes and face, and waited.</p>
<p>After a few minutes, Edie reappeared. Dorothea helped pull her through the tunnel. Stiffly, Edie stood up. Her face looked like death. She bore a cold, hard expression, which looked eerie in the flickering lantern light. “It’s a dead end.” The words tumbled out, bereft of tone or emotion. “I’ve wasted my time. Mine, yours, Hubert’s, everyone’s. I don’t know where Professor Byleth is, but she’s not here.” Her knees seemed to give way, and she sat down on the ground, hard.</p>
<p>Dorothea swallowed, and slowly sat down beside Edie. She put one hand around the other woman’s shoulders. “It’s okay, Edie.” She wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince Edie, or herself. “It’s okay.”</p>
<p>“It’s not okay.” Edie’s voice was slow and intense, and she held her eyes tightly shut. Her voice contained the barest hint of a sob. “My teacher is dead. Because of me. She did not have to choose to fight with me. If she’d chosen a different path, she would still be alive. I failed her. I led her to this fate. She should have chosen differently.” A tear escaped her tightly closed eyes.</p>
<p>Dorothea spoke slowly and deliberately. “Edie, that’s not true. Professor Byleth made a choice. The same choice I made, the same choice everyone here with you made. She knew that fighting with you held risk, and she decided you were worth it. That’s the risk we all take when we choose to fight.” Dorothea doubted she was much good at this sort of talk, but she had to try. She couldn’t bear to see Edie this way. “Don’t cheapen her decision but saying it was a mistake. That’s not what Professor Byleth would want. She’d tell you to believe in yourself, as she believed in you. To keep moving forward.” Dorothea wiped some tears away from her own eyes. “That’s the best way to honour her. The only way.”</p>
<p>Edie turned and opened her eyes, facing Dorothea. Her violet eyes glistened in the lantern light. “Dorothea, I want so badly to make this world better. To create a world where others do not have to suffer. But in order to make that a reality, my own actions will cause suffering. The loss of our teacher is a bitter reminder of that. Even respecting her choice, it is still my responsibility.” She pressed her hands to her temples. “Tomorrow, when I appear before everyone, I will be strong, and be the leader everyone needs. But tonight, I have to feel this pain. To admit to myself how much this hurts.”</p>
<p>Dorothea took Edie’s hand between hers. “You can always admit your feelings when it’s just the two of us. If you need to cry, I’m here.” She lifted one of her hands to stroke her own shoulder invitingly and tried to put on a smile she didn’t feel.</p>
<p>With a nod, Edie reached out and slowly encircled Dorothea with her arms. She buried her face against Dorothea, where her neck and shoulder met. Dorothea gave her a strong hug back, rocking her slightly as she felt Edie’s tears wet against her skin. Beyond the occasional sniffle, Edie uttered no sound, and neither of them spoke.</p>
<p>After a long time, Edie raised her head, her brilliant eyes locking with Dorothea’s. Their faces were almost close enough to touch. Even covered in dirt and mud, with her eyes red, she was beautiful. A pillar of strength, who suffered and carried on. The woman to whom Dorothea had given her heart. “I will always be here for you. I love you, Edie.” And gently, she leaned forward to give Edie a kiss.</p>
<p>Edie’s eyes went wide. For a sickening moment, Dorothea regretted what she had just done. Surely this was not the time! But then Edie spoke words that caused her heart to soar. “Dorothea, would you kiss me again? Please?”</p>
<p>Dorothea did so, more slowly this time. As their lips met, Dorothea felt Edie push them open, the emperor’s tongue entering her mouth. With a slight moan, Dorothea brought her own tongue to meet Edie’s. They danced together, like the stars of a show in Enbarr.</p>
<p>Dorothea became distinctly aware of an unpleasant taste. <em>Oh right, all the dirt that was on her face... on her lips. And probably mine, too.</em> But she did not want to stop. She gently rubbed her hands up and down Edie’s back, wishing the moment would continue forever.</p>
<p>Finally, Edie pulled away, her lower lip trembling. She licked the edge of her mouth awkwardly. Dorothea gave a small laugh. “It’s not supposed to taste like that, normally,” she said, tracing a line down Edie’s face with her finger, then holding it, grime and all, in front of the smaller woman’s face as an explanation.</p>
<p>“Oh!” exclaimed Edie. “Well, I... I didn’t know what to expect, but I have to say, romance novels never did talk about the bad taste! I’m relieved to know that’s not the norm.” A shy smile crept over her face. “But I would still want to do this even if it were.”</p>
<p>“I feel the same.” Dorothea bent her head in again. This time she barely even noticed the taste. As their mouths locked once more, she gently caressed Edie’s right side with one of her hands, slowly descending to feel first the side of her chest, and then down her ribs toward her hip.</p>
<p>Edie pulled away. “I’ve dreamed about this for so long. This has been... truly wonderful.” Her eyes closed, her expression unreadable. “You are truly wonderful, Dorothea. My truest friend. My... love.” They opened. “But, I’m afraid, physically, this is as far as we can go.”</p>
<p>The words cut like a knife. Once again, those mysterious eyes seemed to repel her. Dorothea met them and crossed her arms. “I don’t accept that, Edie.”</p>
<p>“My love...” Edie’s voice trailed off. Then, as if steeling herself, she continued on. “It gives me great pleasure that you feel that way. But if you knew the truth, you’d understand.”</p>
<p>Dorothea arched an eyebrow at that.</p>
<p>Edie inhaled slowly. “You’re right. I made an oath to you. No more secrets. If you are certain you wish to know.”</p>
<p>Dorothea gave a simple nod.</p>
<p>“Well, the truth is...” she started, looking to the side, struggling. “I don’t know why it happened. I think it’s because, when they... re-made me, in the palace dungeons... they used the blood of both men and women. But anyway...” She took a deep breath. “Since then, I… I have… um… both parts. I mean, down there.” She flinched at her own words, then rushed on, her words tumbling out too quickly for Dorothea to respond. “So you see, nobody would want to be with me. I may desire to be with others... with <em>you</em>, but I can’t, it would not be right. I may be the emperor but I can’t go forcing my strange body on others. I know some nobles behave that way and it sickens me. That type of behaviour is something I swore that I would do everything in my power to end. I would never want to do that to anyone, least of all someone I love.” She clenched her fist, looking at it. Eyes pointedly avoiding Dorothea.</p>
<p>Dorothea’s thoughts spun. “So, that’s what you’ve been struggling with,” she heard herself say. “Thank you for sharing it.”</p>
<p>“All I ask is that you do not share it with anyone else. You deserved the truth, my dearest friend. Just... know that I love you, and please keep my secret, and I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you have the happy future you deserve.”</p>
<p>“Edie,” said Dorothea, her voice pleading. “Look at me.” Reluctantly, Edie did so. “Edie, the happy future I want is with you.”</p>
<p>“Please don’t lie to me. You can’t possibly mean that, now.” Edie’s eyes shone, a pair of deep wells of sadness.</p>
<p>Dorothea almost wanted to laugh. Having recovered from the surprise of the revelation, Edie’s take on it seemed almost absurd. Dorothea almost wanted to tell the other woman that she had slept with both men and women before so <em>obviously</em> that was not an area where she was terribly picky, and that it was ridiculous Edie would assume otherwise! But she doubted dismissing Edie’s feelings would be fair or helpful; Dorothea didn’t fully understand the pain Edie seemed to feel, but she was not going to invalidate her friend’s – her love’s – feelings. The fact that Dorothea didn’t want to share all the details of her past with Edie yet was not a factor, she told herself. So instead, she tried to find more eloquent words to express how she felt.</p>
<p>“Edie, I fell in love with you for many reasons.” Gently, she took Edie’s hand, and brought it slowly up to her mouth, kissing it gently. “I love you because you have always treated me with respect, and made me feel like you valued me for something besides my voice and my pretty face. I love you because you are sincere and passionate, and just being around you drives me to want to be a better person. I love you because you are so strong and so kind. I love you because you care about this cold world we live in so much. Because you want to make it better. I love you because you are beautiful.” Edie, whose face had turned steadily more red throughout this, flushed a deep crimson at that. “I love your silver hair, your violet eyes, your intoxicating smile.” Dorothea gave Edie’s hand a squeeze. “All of these are qualities you still have.”</p>
<p>She paused for a second, giving Edie the kindest smile she could manage.</p>
<p>“By contrast, I did not fall in love with you because of some preconceived notion of what’s hidden in your pants.” Edie looked away at that. “No, Edie, please... look at me.” With one hand still holding Edie’s, she reached up with her other to gently cup Edie’s cheek, until the emperor’s eyes returned to Dorothea’s again. “What you’ve told me changes <em>nothing</em> about what I feel for you. What’s between your legs is <em>irrelevant</em> to me.” A mischievous thought gripped her mind, suddenly. She felt a bit giddy as a rush of hot anticipation filled her. “Well... no. That’s not entirely accurate.”</p>
<p>On an impulse, she took Edie’s hand and bent down, placing the other woman’s index finger inside her own mouth, sucking gently as she pulled it free. She looked up to Edie with what she hoped was a suitably seductive smile. “I care about what’s there,” she said. “Because I want to make you feel <em>good</em>.”</p>
<p>Edie raised her other hand to cover her mouth, disbelief flooding her eyes. “You... can’t possibly mean that.”</p>
<p>Dorothea tasted mud in her mouth. She ignored it. “Oh, I mean it,” she said. “I’m tempted to prove it to you right now. But this place is... well, it’s filthy.” A giggle escaped; she couldn’t help it. “And you’re rather filthy too, I’m afraid to say. I suppose I am too. So!” She clapped her hands together. “Here’s what we’re going to do, Your Majesty.”</p>
<p>Edie looked at her, mouth slightly agape, saying nothing.</p>
<p>“You are going to march your cute little behind back to your bedroom, and you’re going to take a shower.” She smiled. “And when you’re done, I’ll be there, waiting for you.” She dropped her voice, so that it took on a husky tone, or so she hoped. “And I’ll prove to you I’ve meant every word I’ve said. Every. One.”</p>
<p>Feeling suddenly energized, she hopped to her feet and reached her hand down, helping Edie up. “Now let’s get out of this pit. Hubie must be worried sick about us.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. The Flame and the Rose</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Edie sat down beside her and immediately leaned in for another kiss. This one was hungrier than the one in the caves; Edie seemed to want to push her tongue as far into Dorothea’s mouth as she could, and both her hands swam vigorously across Dorothea’s bare back. The touch of those strong hands against her skin was exhilarating, and for a few blissful moments, Dorothea lost herself in their shared indulgence.</p>
</blockquote>Dorothea helps Edelgard overcome her doubts about her own body, and the two share a night of physical intimacy together.
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Contains explicit sexual content. ^_^;</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>~Great Tree Moon (month 4)~</p>
<p>Dorothea lay on Edie’s bed, with her clothes in a pile on the floor below.</p>
<p>She had taken a shower earlier in the public facilities. She did not think she had ever cleaned herself so quickly in her life. A little trick with fire magic had dried her hair, and then she had made her way here. Edie had still been showering, just as Dorothea had hoped, and so she had taken the time to light a few candles, undress, and wait on the bed. Dorothea’s mind kept leaping forward to what they were about to do. Her heart pounded in her chest, and a pleasant feeling welled between her legs. She fought the urge to put her hand there and indulge herself; she decided it was more fun to wait in anticipation of what was to come.</p>
<p>The sound of the water from the shower stopped. “Take your time,” she called out. “But know that I’m out here, waiting for you to join me.” She hoped her voice sounded alluring.</p>
<p>She got no response. Dorothea adjusted her position on the bed a few times, wondering what sort of picture she should give Edie when she opened the door. She felt confidence when it came to her physical appearance, at least. It had always been her other qualities she’d second-guessed – her intelligence, her skills on the stage, her worth as a human. But Edie praised all those qualities and more, and had helped Dorothea grow as a student and a person. And now Dorothea longed to help Edie as well. <em>Just like me, she has doubts about herself. So I will do what I can to help her</em>. Dorothea’s mind retreated once again to thoughts of just how she might do that.</p>
<p>The door opened, and Edie stood there. She wore a pair of towels, one wrapped around her waist, another draped over her shoulders, covering most of her torso. Dorothea had half a moment to be amused by the other woman’s modesty, but her eyes were drawn quickly to Edie’s face. The emperor’s mouth was open slightly, and Dorothea could see her eyes drinking in what she was seeing. For a few moments, neither said anything.</p>
<p>Then Dorothea tossed her hair flirtatiously. “I hope you like what you see.”</p>
<p>Edie all but choked out her response. “More than anything. You are... utterly gorgeous, Dorothea. I will treasure this image forever.” She placed both of her hands above her chest, as if to emphasize her words.</p>
<p>Dorothea’s heart began to beat faster. “You are so sweet, Edie.” She let playful petulance creep into her voice. “But also, so unfair! Why don’t <em>I</em> get to see anything? I mean, seriously, Edie? <em>Two </em>towels?”</p>
<p>Edie took a step towards Dorothea, then paused. She took a slow breath in, barely audible, but visible from the way the upper towel rose slowly upon her chest. Then, with a smooth motion, she pulled the upper towel off.</p>
<p>Dorothea’s breath caught in her throat. She realized she had never seen any part of Edie’s torso before; every dress, every outfit had covered it. Bereft of her clothes and the aura of command they offered, Edie looked... almost small. Dorothea had often intuitively thought of Edie as older than her, but looking at her now, that clearly seemed to not be the case. She was slender, with only a modest curve to her bust, and she even somehow seemed a bit shorter than before. Her small body bore a number of scars, the white marks gleaming in the candlelight. The largest was just below her belly button; Dorothea remembered how Edie had cradled that area when talking about the experiments. Another notable one was on her left side toward the lower end of her ribs. But despite those, or perhaps partly because of them, she was beautiful. To Dorothea’s eyes, the scars only added to her strength: the strength needed to survive the ordeals she had faced and emerge unbroken. And that strength was clearly written upon her body otherwise; the muscularity of her abdomen was very visible, as was that of her arms. She was small, yes, but this was a woman who could destroy an opponent half again her size with no difficulty.</p>
<p>Feeling suddenly impatient, Dorothea sat up on the bed. She patted the bed beside her, beckoning Edie over. “Shall we continue where we left off before?”</p>
<p>Edie sat down beside her and immediately leaned in for another kiss. This one was hungrier than the one in the caves; Edie seemed to want to push her tongue as far into Dorothea’s mouth as she could, and both her hands swam vigorously across Dorothea’s bare back. The touch of those strong hands against her skin was exhilarating, and for a few blissful moments, Dorothea lost herself in their shared indulgence. Dorothea wasn’t sure if she pulled or Edie pushed, but a moment later, they were lying on the bed, with Edie on top of her. Edie pulled her mouth away and smiled, a look of deep contentment upon her as she traced a finger down Dorothea’s face.</p>
<p>“Dorothea,” she said, her voice a bit shy. “May I kiss you... elsewhere? Please?”</p>
<p>Dorothea laughed. Nobody had ever asked her permission before, but she liked it. “Of course. But now that you’ve asked, I do hope you won’t keep me waiting.”</p>
<p>Edie wasted no time. She descended, placing slow, tender kisses along Dorothea’s neck, then her shoulders, then her upper chest, then circling around the side of one breast to her lower ribs. “Don’t be shy, Edie,” said Dorothea breathily. Edie blushed a little, but then took Dorothea’s left breast in one hand and pulled the nipple into her mouth, moaning softly as she sucked and prodded with her tongue. After a few moments, she turned her attention to Dorothea’s other breast, repeating her reverent treatment of Dorothea’s body. Dorothea stretched her arms out along the bed, and felt the soft silk of the sheets caress her arms just as Edie’s mouth showered affection upon her bosom. She felt lust build inside her as she patiently waited her turn.</p>
<p>When Edie finally pulled her mouth free, leaving Dorothea’s upper torso wet with saliva, she spoke again. “Your breasts are... amazing, Dorothea. Not as amazing as the woman they belong to,” she added, a hint of sheepish assurance in her voice. “But still wonderful. I’m a bit jealous.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be jealous.” Dorothea’s voice contained just a hint of sadness, which she hoped her lover would miss. She had long wondered if her well-endowed body was more curse than blessing. She remembered, in her early teens, when awful men among the opera guests had made comments... but now was not the time to remember that. Edie loved them, and that was all that mattered, now. “After all, I think yours are amazing too. And they deserve some attention of their own.”</p>
<p>She winked at that, then slid downwards along the bed. Edie lifted herself a little in surprise, but Dorothea circled her arms around Edie’s back and pulled her down, taking her turn to have one of her lover’s breasts in her mouth. They certainly did not seem small now. The emperor shuddered slightly from Dorothea’s attention; Dorothea heard her exhale a “yesss...” into the pillow behind her head. She slid one of her hands gently down Edie, feeling the strong arch of her back, intending to cup the curve of Edie’s behind.</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh right. The towel.</em>
</p>
<p>Edie pulled free of Dorothea, bracing herself above her lover with her arms on either side. Her mouth descended for a few more frantic kisses, and then they pulled back from each other, their eyes gazing at each other longingly. Dorothea patted her lover’s covered hip gently. “Edie,” she purred. “My love. I think it’s time you got rid of the other towel, too.”</p>
<p>A glimmer of fear crept into the eyes of the woman who had stared down demonic beasts without flinching. “Dorothea,” she said, a slight tremble to her voice. “Are you really sure?”</p>
<p>“No matter how many times you ask...” Dorothea let her voice trail off, and nodded at the woman above her.</p>
<p>“... your answer will not change,” Edie finished. “Thank you, Dorothea.” She took a deep breath. Then she unwrapped the towel, and threw it to the floor. She held herself over Dorothea, supported by her hands and knees on either side of her lover.</p>
<p>Finally, Dorothea drank in the view of Edie’s naked body, bathed in the warm candlelight. Dorothea looked at what was unmistakably Edie’s penis. It looked a bit different, and was a bit smaller than what she had seen before, but it looked very much erect, and throbbed slightly with the beat of Edie’s pulse. Dorothea’s heart raced. Well, it was nice of Edie’s body to confirm what Dorothea had hoped the silver-haired woman felt for her.</p>
<p>Dorothea glanced up at Edie, and saw the other woman’s gaze turned away at nothing in particular. She reached her hand up and gently caressed Edie’s cheek, willing those wandering eyes to find their way back to her. Only when Edie did so and looked Dorothea in the eyes did the songstress speak. “You’re perfect, Edie.” Her gaze flickered downwards, and she gave a coy smile. “I’m going to touch you now. Is that okay?”</p>
<p>At the emperor’s nod, Dorothea slid her hand between Edie’s legs. Edie gasped a little as Dorothea’s fingers found a silky wetness waiting behind her penis. Another very welcome discovery. Dorothea’s mind raced with possibilities as she gently curled her fingers along what felt an awful lot like her inner labia. Possibilities for another time; she had decided what she wanted to do tonight. She wanted to show Edie that she loved every part of her, including the parts Edie had the most doubts about. She pulled her hand back toward her, trailing her fingers up the shaft of Edie’s penis, and giving her a slight extra tug as her hand left.</p>
<p>“Did that feel good?” she asked.</p>
<p>Edie’s reply was a fierce whisper. “Please do that again.” Her violet eyes shone as she stared at her lover.</p>
<p>Dorothea obliged. Her fingers encircled the other woman’s penis and she began gently stroking up and down. She watched the silver-haired woman bite her lower lip; her body swayed slightly. Over and over Dorothea stroked Edie, pleasure washing through her as she watched the effect that her touch was having. With her free hand, she pushed herself up off the bed, trying to lock Edie’s lips in a kiss. It was a difficult balancing act, and the kiss was nowhere near the dance of the earlier ones when both had been able to focus on it. But Edie gave a longing moan into Dorothea’s mouth anyway.</p>
<p>Edie pulled her lips away, and Dorothea collapsed back on the bed with a gasp. “Whatever you do,” came the emperor’s breathy voice, her eyes half-closed in lust, but still maintaining their focus on Dorothea’s. “Please don’t stop.”</p>
<p>Dorothea certainly had no intention to stop. As her hand found a rhythm, her loving treatment seemed to be having steadily more effect on the other woman. Edie’s eyes closed and she rocked gently forward and back, moans escaping her lips. She tilted her head down slightly and her hair fell forward towards Dorothea. With her free hand, Dorothea cleared it out of the way so she could enjoy the beautiful theatre of Edie’s face, displaying the throes of her passion openly for Dorothea to enjoy. “Oh... oh! Oh, Dorothea!” Longing seemed to pour from her voice. “Dorothea, Dorothea, Dorothea...” she chanted slowly, like some sort of religious ritual.</p>
<p>“Edie.” Dorothea’s free hand caressed her lover’s face. “Can you... are you able to cum?” She wondered if Edie even knew that word, but the clinical term didn’t seem to capture what they were experiencing now, and what Dorothea wanted to see happen.</p>
<p>“Y... yes,” came Edie’s answer. A hint of embarrassment was there, but just a hint; the passion had all but overwhelmed it, now.</p>
<p>Dorothea gave a big smile that she doubted her lover would see. “Then cum all over me, my love. Please. Mark me as yours.” And she strengthened her grip, and quickened the pace of her strokes ever so slightly.</p>
<p>Edie’s moans continued, getting louder and more drawn out as she seemed to lose what little control her mind had kept on her vocalizations. Dorothea felt compelled to join her own voice to Edie’s, softly exhaling “Yes... yes... yes...” as she mirrored what she was seeing in the other woman. Dorothea’s free hand finally found its home between her own legs and became soaked within seconds. The small part of her brain still capable of rational thought held out for some romantic hope that they might finish together, but there was no way; Dorothea was too occupied with her lover’s pleasure, and Edie was too close to the finish line.</p>
<p>The smaller woman’s hips bucked as she thrust into Dorothea’s hand. Her voice rose in a loud moan which ended somewhere between a shout and a squeak, and one hand punched the pillow beside Dorothea. Dorothea felt something warm and sticky splash against her stomach, her breasts, her shoulder. Her own encouragement continued as Edie tilted her head back in another series of moans, these ones higher-pitched, drawn-out cries of exhilaration. Dorothea did not slow her pace until Edie’s vocalizations had faded and her penis started to soften. Then Dorothea released her lover. She wiped her hand, wet with the proof of Edie’s orgasm, slowly across her abdomen. Then she reached up with both hands and clasped Edie’s cheeks.</p>
<p>“I love you. I love you.” Edie was repeating the words over and over again. Her beautiful violet eyes opened, and Dorothea greeted them with the broadest smile she could manage. Somehow balancing herself on just one hand, Edie gently stroked the side of Dorothea’s face, trailing down her neck.</p>
<p>Edie cast her eyes about, then suddenly a look of panic entered them. “Oh no! I didn’t mean to– I mean... I’m sorry! I made such a mess!”</p>
<p>Dorothea laughed, aware of a pool of her own making on the bed beneath where her legs met. “A lovely mess. I look forward to us making many more together.”</p>
<p>Edie rolled off of Dorothea and sat beside her. “It got on the sheets too!” The alarm in her voice was adorable. “I should change them.”</p>
<p>“Edie,” said Dorothea, reaching up to place a single, silencing finger against her lover’s lips. “You’re the <em>emperor</em>. I think you can have someone else change your sheets. In the morning.” She turned over onto her side, feeling Edie’s semen slowly drip down her; another rush of pleasure filled her. She reached out her arms invitingly. “But right now, you are going to snuggle with me. That’s an order, Your Majesty.”</p>
<p>Edie’s smile was a bit sheepish, but also very grateful, and she lay down next to Dorothea. Edie gave one of Dorothea’s breasts a couple more kisses then settled in with her head against Dorothea’s shoulder. Dorothea pushed her own thigh between those of the smaller woman and they embraced. Dorothea let out a contented sigh and pulled the sheets over them.</p>
<p>“I want...” Edie began, and then yawned. “I want to do something to make you feel good, too. I’m not really sure how, but I want to learn.”</p>
<p>“That would be lovely,” Dorothea purred. “But not tonight. I feel exhausted, and <em>I’m</em> not the one who’s barely slept the last few days.”</p>
<p>“Yes...” said Edie, the sleepiness now obvious in her voice. “We should... sleep. But it may be hard with such a beautiful woman next to me. You have no idea how you make me feel.”</p>
<p>“I think I have a pretty good idea,” Dorothea whispered, stroking her lover’s hair. “But don’t worry. I think this will the best sleep either of us have gotten in a very long time.”</p>
<p>“That... sounds nice.”</p>
<p>There were no more words. Dorothea listened to Edie’s breathing, listening to it become slower and more regular. She felt utterly content with the world as she waited for sleep to come along and claim her too, feeling the gentle press of her lover’s body against her. She did not have to wait long.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well, I've never had the courage to publish anything like this before! Hopefully you enjoyed it.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. A Brighter Dawn</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>After Dorothea put the tray down, she moved to close the door and then immediately gave Edelgard a quick hug. “Good morning, my love. Sorry for not waking you up when I left, but you looked so adorable and peaceful in your slumber. Like a princess in a fairytale.”</p>
</blockquote>The morning after their night of passion, Edelgard reflects on the direction their relationship has taken, and upon the different bonds she shares with two different very important people in her life.
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>~Great Tree Moon (month 4)~</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Beneath the sheets, Edelgard stirred. She slowly opened her eyes; light was streaming through her curtains. She stretched across the bed. Such a beautiful dream.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She sat up suddenly. It hadn’t been a dream at all! Dorothea had really been here with her last night. Edelgard’s mind raced as she relived the images and sensations from their night together. It all seemed too good to be true. She wanted to clap her hands with joy. Instead she lay back down lazily on the bed and stared at the ceiling with a huge smile on her face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was hard, she realized. She turned to the small mirror on her nightstand and smirked at her reflection. “Greedy, aren’t you?” She tapped herself with her fingers, remembering what Dorothea’s touch had felt like. She considered trying to pleasure herself. Doing so had always been a terrible experience, before, one born out of frustration, and most often fruitless. The few times she had managed to reach some sort of climax she had been so awash in shame that she hadn’t been able to enjoy it. It was </span>
  <em>
    <span>supposed</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be enjoyable whether one was a woman </span>
  <em>
    <span>or</span>
  </em>
  <span> a man, she had read, and the fact that it wasn’t for her had been yet more proof there was something wrong with her. But now... she gave a pleasurable shiver. Last night had changed everything. Dorothea’s love had changed everything. Now, she believed she would be able to enjoy the finer pleasures in life.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Well, not </span>
  <em>
    <span>now</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she decided. Judging by the light, she had badly overslept, and she had many things she needed to do today. With a sigh, she hopped out of bed and began getting dressed. She laid a simple black officer’s uniform, appropriate for an emperor at war. She hoped Dorothea would like it. Her... lover. Yes, she liked the sound of that. Her lover always seemed to admire anything that made Edelgard appear strong, although she seemed uncomfortable with reminders of war.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Just as she finished dressing, a knock came at the door. “It’s me,” came Dorothea’s melodious voice. Edelgard rushed to open it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorothea was dressed in the same clothes she had worn last night, still smeared with mud. A satchel was slung over her shoulder, and in her arms she carried a tray, upon which lay a breakfast: bread, eggs, milk, and a beautifully arrayed plate of thinly sliced peaches. Dorothea wasted no time walking in. “Could you clear some space there?” She motioned towards Edelgard’s desk. As Edelgard did so, she thought about how casually Dorothea had asked her emperor to do something. She had never treated Edelgard as anything but a respected equal; Edelgard loved that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After Dorothea put the tray down, she moved to close the door and then immediately gave Edelgard a quick hug. “Good morning, my love. Sorry for not waking you up when I left, but you looked so adorable and peaceful in your slumber. Like a princess in a fairytale.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll confess, today I feel like I’m living in a fairytale,” Edelgard smiled. She felt her cheeks heat slightly. “I can’t stop thinking about last night.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good.” Dorothea said the single word in a low, throaty voice as she winked at Edelgard. She gave her a quick kiss. “Eat your breakfast, my love. I carried it all this way for you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you. But you really didn’t have to do that, you know.” She crossed her arms. “You are not my servant, Dorothea.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, if I hadn’t done it, I’m sure someone else would have been ordered to instead. Hubie was quite insistent.” Dorothea’s voice dropped a couple octaves and took on a too-familiar monotone. “It is of the utmost importance that Lady Edelgard is well-fed and well-rested to face the challenges that yet lie in front of her.” She laughed. “I think he believes he has assigned me the task of being your caretaker.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edelgard winced. “I’m honestly surprised he didn’t come in here and make a suggestion that I get to work already.” She chuckled as she spoke, but she thought her voice betrayed her mild frustration as well. She glanced at the clock and sighed. “I really should not have stayed in bed so long.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorothea patted Edelgard’s hand. “I think he’s very happy you got some sleep. You should have seen him last night at the pit. He was really worried about you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All of a sudden, the memories of the earlier parts of last night flooded back. She had forgotten that she had argued with Hubert, forgotten why she had been down there in the caves. Suddenly, tears sprang into her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorothea said nothing, and embraced her in a strong hug. Edelgard stared past her at light streaming through the curtains, willing herself not to cry.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dorothea? Is it all right for me to be happy?” She was happy, she realized, despite the tears. With Dorothea in her life, how could she not be? “It feels wrong that I am happy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorothea didn’t reply for a moment. Then she pulled away, and gave a wink. “Oh, Edelgard, my love!” She spoke with a bold cadence, as if delivering a soliloquy on stage. “If you die before me, I swear to you now, I will live my remaining years in misery! I will vow to never again know again know laughter, or joy, or the taste of good food! I shall pine away at your grave, until death claims me as well!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edelgard raised her hand to her forehead in annoyance. “You are being intentionally ridiculous. You know that is not what I would want.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nobody wants that,” agreed Dorothea. “And if anyone did, she wouldn’t be worth loving in the first place.” She smiled. “Don’t make me explain my point, Edie.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It is well taken. And you are right, of course.” Edelgard cast her eyes downwards and sighed. “It’s just hard.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know,” said Dorothea empathetically, standing close to Edelgard and stroking her hair. “And remember, my offer from last night remains open. If you need to cry where nobody else can see, you have me. But right now, I think you need to eat your breakfast.” She took a step back. “And I’m going to borrow your shower.” Planting one last kiss on Edelgard’s hand, she slipped into the bathing room and closed the door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edelgard sat down and ate her breakfast. She saved the peaches for last, of course; she liked them the best. She wondered if it was Dorothea or Hubert who had thought to add them to the plate. From across the door, she heard the sound of Dorothea showering, and her mind was immediately drawn to what that might look like. Edelgard felt a rising temptation to throw open the door and join the other woman. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No. I will not have her think me some... sex-obsessed boor.</span>
  </em>
  <span> It was very important to her that she treat Dorothea with respect. Unless... maybe Dorothea </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted</span>
  </em>
  <span> her to go in there? She could have chosen somewhere else to shower, after all. Edelgard raised her hand to her forehead; she felt like her head was spinning. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No. I’m not doing it.</span>
  </em>
  <span> She really did have a lot of things to do today, after all. She finished the peaches; they were delicious.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pushing the tray aside, she glanced around her desk, and remembered the letter to Duke Riegan she had agreed to write the day before, a lifetime ago. She thought it unlikely she would be able to get through to him, since his grandson had fought at Rhea’s side, but it would be foolish not to at least try a personal appeal. And rude, besides. She found her pen and inkwell, and began writing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorothea opened the door, and Edelgard turned to look upon her. The green-eyed woman wore nothing but a towel around her hair, and flashed Edelgard a big smile. Edelgard took a moment to admire the other woman in the daylight for the first time, letting her eyes trail down Dorothea’s full breasts, to her slightly rounded tummy, to the tantalizing triangle of hair peeking out from just above where her legs met. As Dorothea walked past the desk, Edelgard gently trailed a hand down the other woman’s arm. Before she could let herself be further distracted, however, Dorothea reached into the satchel she had brought, pulled out a fresh set of clothes, and started getting dressed. Edelgard watched for a few moments, and then, with great difficulty, turned back to working on her letter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorothea was humming a tune. Edelgard was certain she had heard it before... </span>
  <em>
    <span>yes, that’s right. It was from that time. And I remember the lyrics, too</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Not wanting to embarrass herself by attempting to sing along, Edelgard simply intoned the words, as if reciting poetry: “Hail the mighty Edelgard, though red blood stains her story.” She turned to face Dorothea. “That’s how it went, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorothea immediately launched into song, belting out the next line. “Hea-vy as her crown may be, she will lead us all to glo-ry~” Dorothea giggled. “I made up those lyrics on a whim. They have turned out to be rather prophetic though, I must say.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edelgard blushed. “You knew me too well, almost from the day we first met. My dear friend.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I haven’t forgotten my promise to perform for you,” said Dorothea, pulling on her stockings. “Maybe I’ll write the opera myself. About you. When this is over.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“About me? That would be... quite embarrassing.” Edelgard pressed her hand to her head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, that’s part of what makes the idea so tempting.” Dorothea winked. She got up, and blew Edelgard a kiss. “Have a beautiful day, Edie.” And with that, she was gone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And that concludes the briefing.” Edelgard sat in the strategy room on the second floor of Garreg Mach, which had once been used by the cardinals. “Holding our side of Myrrdin is crucial. I’m counting on you, Randolph.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I will not disappoint you, Your Majesty.” The young brown-haired man pressed his hand to his chest, his face very serious. He was a relative of Caspar, if not by blood, but the two were completely unalike in temperament.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you have questions you have not yet thought of, send word to myself or Hubert prior to your departure tomorrow. Good luck, General. You are dismissed.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Randolph bowed, then made his exit, leaving Edelgard and Hubert alone in the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s got a good head on his shoulders, that one.” Edelgard placed her elbows on the table and leaned her chin on her hands. “I think Count Bergliez may be a bit disappointed that I’ve appointed him to the defence of the Airmid River rather than Friedrich.” That was Count Bergliez’s heir, a significantly less competent man, in her estimation. “But if I start making concessions for nepotism now, then there will be no end to it, and it will undermine what we are fighting for.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I understand your reasoning well, Lady Edelgard.” Hubert stood in the corner of the room, eying her. “And it was deftly done. The count is fond of Randolph, which will help the old man salvage his fool pride as he gets used to your way of doing things.” His lips curled in a smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just be sure you don’t phrase it that way in public.” Edelgard tried not to make her words sound like a scold, but it was still worth the reminder. Hubert did not always realize how others perceived his blunt comments.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have not come this far to make amateur mistakes like that.” Hubert crossed his arms, looking slightly annoyed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edelgard sighed. Eying her old friend, she summoned the courage to speak. “Hubert...” her voice trailed off, trying to find the right words. “I’m sorry for what I said to you last night. I was upset, and I took it out on you. I had no right to do that. I know how much you have sacrificed for me. Words cannot express how much your support means to me. So... please forgive me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hubert chuckled. “Flowery exaggerations? Dorothea must be rubbing off on you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I am serious, Hubert.” And what was </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> supposed to mean, anyway? She wondered just what he knew.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hubert was silent for a moment, then bowed. “You honour me. But, I do not feel you have anything to apologize for. I was not being very fair to you. It was... a difficult time, for both of us.” He raised his eyes to her again. “Incidentally, Your Majesty, there were two other things I wanted to discuss with you. With your permission?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“First, my mages have completed their survey of the main building of Garreg Mach. I’m going to recommend that you relocate to the archbishop’s former quarters.” Edelgard arched an eyebrow at that. “Naturally, they will be redecorated. But her room is quite special; it has been determined that it wards against a variety of types of spellcraft, most notably warp magic. It represents an invaluable extra line of defence against assassination, one that we would be foolish not to make use of.” He chuckled. “The cost of the arcane materials needed to create such a thing must have been immense. It appears the goddess’s most humble servant may have been a bit paranoid.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That is agreeable to me,” replied Edelgard evenly. She did not particularly relish the idea of making use of something which had been Rhea’s, but that emotion was illogical. “And the other?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The other, I think, will be more appealing to you.” A smile returned to his face once again. “Your Majesty, given that we are now at war, and because our enemy could strike at any time, I think it is only prudent that you appoint a bodyguard. This person would have to be around you often, so you would want to choose someone you get along with. And it would be best if they could sleep in the same bedroom as you, just in case. If you are comfortable with that, at least.” He stumbled over the last words.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It took all of Edelgard’s willpower to remain composed and avoid blushing furiously. He knew! He knew and he... approved? He would not have suggested that course of action if he did not. Finally, she managed, “I may be able to think of someone.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“In that case, Your Majesty, I ask your leave to depart and complete my remaining duties for the evening.” She simply nodded, and he turned to go. He took a couple steps, and paused. “You have seemed... happier today. I know I have often been more concerned with your actions and safety than your emotional state, so perhaps I have no right to say this, but...” He looked at the ground, and his voice faltered just a bit as he went on. “Your happiness is extremely important to me. Not because I am your vassal. But because... as someone who knows you well, I truly believe that you deserve it. I hope that you believe so as well.” And before she could respond to his unusual display of emotionality, he turned and walked swiftly from the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She sat in silence in the strategy room for a few minutes after. She thought about how grateful she was to have both Dorothea and Hubert in her life. They were so different from each other, as were the natures of their relationships with her, but both gave her strength to carry on in ways she doubted either of them could possibly understand. She had lost her teacher, and the pain of that still cut at her. Perhaps it always would. But she would persevere, with them at her side.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. A Bodyguard's Fears</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Edie opened her eyes. “I know, my love.” She shifted closer to Dorothea, and embraced her. “But... please... for a bit longer. I would feel safer if my uncle does not know about you. About what we share.”</p>
</blockquote>Dorothea has taken up the post of being Edelgard's bodyguard. Facing self-doubt regarding her aptitude for the task, she trains to get better. Meanwhile, her relationship with Edelgard continues to blossom, but not without difficulties, as Edelgard reveals why she believes they may have hidden threats to fear.
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>~Great Tree Moon (month 4)~</p>
<p>The days slipped by. As the weather warmed, it felt like every day the countryside around the monastery grew greener, just as the monastery itself was growing stronger once again with all the repair work that was being done. Some areas would remain damaged for a while yet, such as the cathedral, but key areas such as the gates and bridges were already looking much better. And most importantly of all, the repairs on the town were going very well. Ancient structures did not matter, Dorothea reflected, but making sure the ordinary citizens had a roof over their head at night and places to work during the day was far more important, and she was glad Edie had prioritized them.</p>
<p>As for Dorothea herself, she was adjusting well to her new role as Edie’s bodyguard. True, it was a little difficult to keep her eyes from wandering to Edie when she was instead trying to keep them watching for threats, but Dorothea wanted to do her job well. She knew why she had been given the position, but she was not content for it to be merely a ceremonial cover for their relationship. If this was her new role in life, she would play it well. And so, when she had free time, she spent as much of it as possible training. And in this training, she found a companion in Petra, who seemed to already possess many of the skills Dorothea wanted to acquire. They practiced the sword together until Dorothea was too exhausted to continue. Petra taught her how to quickly draw and throw a concealed knife; Dorothea was doubtful that her aim would ever be good enough in the type of situation where such an action would be required, but she kept those thoughts to herself and kept practicing. They also spent time moving through crowds together, in the barracks or the town, and comparing notes on the most dangerous people they had noticed. Dorothea was extremely grateful for her friend’s help, even if she was at times nagged by a voice in her head telling her that Petra would be much better as Edie’s bodyguard than she was.</p>
<p>Dorothea and Edie moved into the archbishop’s old bedroom. Every night, Dorothea would mess up the sheets of her own bed in the room’s corner, before retiring to the much larger bed she and Edie shared. The days left her exhausted, and Edie too, so most often at least one of them was too tired to actually make use of the bed in ways that Dorothea longed to. Still, it was a time where they could share hugs and kisses in private, talk about their days and their feelings, and finally fall asleep in each other’s arms. Dorothea cherished those times, and her memories of them kept her strong during her hard days of training. They were mostly very happy. Occasionally, though, things were difficult between them.</p>
<p>“I don’t understand why we bother with all this secrecy.” Dorothea knew she sounded sulky, but she didn’t care. It was a few days after she had been appointed Edie’s bodyguard; training had not gone well today, and she had felt sloppy and incompetent. She lay in bed, looking up at the ceiling, as they waited for the candles to burn out. “I think you underestimate the servants, Edie. They’ll figure it out soon anyway, and then after that, anyone willing to pay for the knowledge will know, too. Why can’t we just be honest with everyone?”</p>
<p>Edie, her back turned, responded in a tired, half-asleep voice. “It may get out eventually, but that’s no reason to shout it to everyone.”</p>
<p>“No reason?” Dorothea suddenly felt a bit annoyed. Their relationship felt a bit less... solid to her, in its clandestine state. “I love you, Edie. It’s very hard for me to hide that every time I leave this room.” A thought stung at her. “I hope you feel the same way.”</p>
<p>Edie slowly turned to face her, now more alert. “I’ve gotten good at hiding things, Dorothea. But believe me, I feel the same way as you do. But I’m... afraid. People may try to hurt you once they figure out what’s going on. If you got hurt because of me…” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “I don’t think I’d survive.”</p>
<p>“Edie, aren’t you being a bit paranoid?” Dorothea tried to hide her scowl.</p>
<p>Edie didn’t say anything at first, but an uncomfortable look entered her eyes. “I guess that’s another truth you deserve to know,” she finally said, almost to herself. “Dorothea, do you remember my uncle?”</p>
<p>Dorothea thought back to the man she’d briefly met during the attack on Garreg Mach. She knew little of Lord Arundel; he was not a frequent patron of the opera. And she hadn’t exactly had much time to get to know him when they fought a battle together because she’d had other things on her mind. But she remembered his cold stare well. “Yes. He seems like... a frightening man.”</p>
<p>Edie’s mouth twitched a little. “He’s the one responsible for what happened to my siblings and me.”</p>
<p>Dorothea gasped. “Your <em>uncle</em>?”</p>
<p>“He didn’t act alone. There was a woman who was in charge of the experiments. The Prime Minister was in on it too. And others. But... unquestionably, he was one of the main perpetrators.”</p>
<p>“Can’t you <em>punish</em> him? I thought all the dukes who hurt you had been arrested!”</p>
<p>Edie gave a mirthless laugh. “Lord Arundel was the second most powerful person in the Empire, after the Prime Minister. His support prior to my coronation was essential to me; it was only with his help that I was able to cut the strings which held my father as a puppet emperor, strings that were intended to hold me as well. I would love to punish him, but he has a large number of people loyal to him. I cannot afford to oppose him yet; doing so would tear the Empire apart and doom my plans to failure.”</p>
<p>Dorothea felt like she had been punched in the gut. With the arrests of Dukes Aegir and Varley, and the death of Marquis Vestra, she had thought Edie had no enemies left in the Empire, or at least none who were powerful. How naive of her. She felt cold fear creep along her spine.</p>
<p>“Among the people loyal to him are some who can change their appearance. Like Kronya, who imitated Monica. Yes, she was his. So, his spies really could be anywhere.” Edie’s eyes grew hard as she gazed at Dorothea. “Despite my hatred of him, my uncle and I are united by our goals. Goals which are not particularly different, even. He has a hatred of the Children of the Goddess; I have a hatred of what they have done to the world. For now, we both need each other.” She gave a grim smile. “One day we will not need each other. And unless he’s a greater fool than I dare hope, he knows that as well as I do. He may take steps to threaten me and box me in, in the meantime.” She reached to stroke Dorothea’s face. “So... you understand my concern for you.” She closed her eyes. “Honestly, part of me wants to send you away. The safest place for you would be far from me.”</p>
<p>“Don’t say that, Edie.” Dorothea struggled to keep the hurt out of her voice. “At the risk of sounding overdramatic... I really would rather die.”</p>
<p>Edie opened her eyes. “I know, my love.” She shifted closer to Dorothea, and embraced her. “But... please... for a bit longer. I would feel safer if my uncle does not know about you. About what we share.”</p>
<p>Dorothea nodded. What could she say? In the silence, the last candle in the room burned out, leaving them in darkness. She held Edie close, trying to ward off the fear that now clawed at her brain. <em>Anyone who has feelings for you... is in for a pretty complicated life</em>. “I understand,” she said, morosely. “We’ll do this your way, then.” She pushed out a chuckle she did not feel. “You’re lucky you fell for an accomplished actor, you know?”</p>
<p>Edie’s laugh was awkward, but nevertheless managed to carry some warmth buried in it. “An advantage I had not considered.” She yawned. “I love you so much, Dorothea. I am so sorry to burden you with unpleasant truths. Please sleep well.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Her aim was off. The third knife in the row struck the target board outside the red ring, which indicated a complete miss even against a stationary human target. Dorothea yelled out a curse.</p>
<p>“I am thinking it is time for a break,” said Petra, who was standing with her arms crossed. “Your focus is lacking.”</p>
<p>Dorothea furiously strode over to pour herself some water, and sat down on one of the training ground’s benches. It was more important than ever that she improve, so why couldn’t she? She hated knives, she decided. They were awful things; you could hurt yourself if you weren’t careful, as she had already done once today. She would far rather blast an enemy with magic. Petra insisted that magic was slightly slower, and she was right, of course, but right now Dorothea felt an awful lot like throwing all her knives on the trash heap and never looking back.</p>
<p>Petra sat beside her. “You are not happy, Dorothea?”</p>
<p>Dorothea took a moment to consider the question seriously, sipping the water to calm her nerves. “When I think about it... I am happy, actually. Oh, I’m frustrated as hell right now, obviously. But really, I have everything I could hope for. I’m surrounded by people who support and respect me, despite my origins. I have good friends, I have a place in the world...”</p>
<p>“And also Edelgard.” Petra gave a smile which was as close as Dorothea had ever seen to a smirk from the kind woman. “You are not hiding that from me.”</p>
<p>“No... no, I suppose not,” Dorothea managed a weak smile back. Actually, if Petra knew, that made things easier. Dorothea did not like keeping secrets from her friend. “I’m happy, really. I’m just... afraid.” And seeing little reason to hold back, she told Petra what Edie had told her. Not the details about what Edie had suffered herself, but about Arundel, and the threat that he posed, and why Edie had decided that she and Dorothea should keep their relationship a secret.</p>
<p>When she finished, Petra took her hand. “You have my thanks for sharing that with me. In truth... I have familiarity with this, too. In Brigid, assassinations are many.” Her expression darkened. “When I was having less years... when I was younger, I was very afraid that I would be a victim. Or my parents.”</p>
<p>Dorothea’s heart wrenched, thinking about how young Petra would have been then. “You poor thing. How did you handle it?”</p>
<p>Petra shrugged. “I accepted the possibility, but I made it smaller. I did my best to be growing so that I would be able to protect myself and others.” She managed a smile. “As you are doing now.”</p>
<p>“I suppose I am.” She drew out another knife, and looked at it. Its wicked blade was terrifying, but at the same time, it just might be what could save Edie’s life. She stood up. “Let’s go, Petra. I can do this.”</p>
<p>That knife found its target.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>She found Edie on the third-floor terrace, not far from their room. The sun had made its journey down towards the western sky and was now bathing Garreg Mach in a golden light. Edie stood with her arms crossed behind her back, looking proudly out towards where the sun was beautifully illuminating the evening clouds. Clad in her new bright-red dress and cape, she looked every bit an emperor surveying her domain. She turned to face Dorothea, a shy smile creeping up her face, and with one hand, she beckoned her over.</p>
<p>“You shouldn’t stand so close to the edge,” Dorothea said, sad that the thought had occurred to her. “There could be snipers.” She reached out to clasp Edie’s hand.</p>
<p>“You’re beginning to sound like Hubert.” Edelgard’s response was a bit sad, but she tickled Dorothea’s hand and smiled anyway. “Which is to say that you are, of course, correct.” Dorothea led her emperor down so that both stood beside one of the ponds near the centre of the terrace, where the lilies were just beginning to bloom. Dorothea admired them for a few moments, then turned her eyes back to the western sky.</p>
<p>“How nostalgic,” Dorothea mused. “This reminds me of that day on the bridge. It seems so long ago, but it has only been a few months.”</p>
<p>Edie turned to regard her, tilting her head slightly. “You are nostalgic for that? I said such... terrible things.” She cast her eyes to the ground. “I don’t think I ever properly asked your forgiveness for that.”</p>
<p>“You have it, Edie,” she said, warmly. “And yes, I do have nostalgia for that day. That was the first time you told me you loved me.” A warm feeling swept through her as she said that.</p>
<p>“I suppose it was, at that.” Edie shook her head. “You know, I was trying to drive you away then. But I suppose by saying things like that, I didn’t do a very good job.” She gave a laugh, the sound slightly awkward and betraying a bit of embarrassment. “I <em>hate</em> doing a bad job of anything. But... in this case, I’m very glad.”</p>
<p>Dorothea slowly stepped behind Edie, and gently encircled her lover with her arms, placing her hands against Edie’s stomach. Dorothea bent forward to gently smell Edie’s hair, which had a faint aroma of carnations. “It’s okay to be bad at some things. Nobody is perfect at everything.”</p>
<p>“That may be true, but I have to be as close as I can be. That is true of any ruler, and only moreso for me, with what I have to accomplish.” She sighed. “If I allow myself to be weak... if I falter, then this will be for nothing. I have to be strong for the people willing to die for me, to keep them safe.” She dropped a hand to caress the side of Dorothea’s hip. “And especially for you.”</p>
<p>Dorothea chuckled. “You’re stealing my job, Edie. I have to keep <em>you</em> safe. Remember? And believe me, I’m going to do just that.”</p>
<p>“Mmm,” came Edie’s contented sigh. “It makes me... so happy that you feel that way. But do you ever regret your choices? You have found a life of such danger... surely you could have been happier if you’d stayed with the opera instead of becoming entangled with a woman who has made an enemy of half the world.”</p>
<p>Dorothea shook her head, and gave Edie a squeeze. “I wouldn’t trade what I have for anything. And don’t think I was safe when I was with the opera. Nothing could be further from the truth. Really, I’ve never known safety in my life.”</p>
<p>At that, Edie stepped away from her, turning to look up into the songstress’s eyes. “In the opera? Really?” She looked briefly distressed, but she quickly composed herself. “No, if you said it, then it is true. I am so sorry, Dorothea. I had no idea.”</p>
<p>“I loved singing, Edie,” said Dorothea, wistfully. “And I loved some of the shows we put on; they were works of art. But so much of what came with that... it was not pleasant at all.” She gave a slight shudder. “Perhaps one day, I will tell you all about it. You’ve shared so much of yourself with me, you deserve to know. But... the memories are difficult. I will need some time.”</p>
<p>“Now I am curious. What sort of things went on that I don’t know about? In the capital city of my Empire, at that.” She shook her head. “But don’t feel that you need to say anything until you’re ready. I don’t want to rush you, my love.”</p>
<p>“Edie, you are just the sweetest.” She stepped forward and planted a kiss on the shorter woman, their tongues finding each other. “What matters is that I’m willing to brave any danger for you. I utterly adore you.”</p>
<p>A hunger entered Edie’s eyes. She pulled Dorothea in for another kiss, her hands grabbing her lover’s bottom and pulling Dorothea towards her. “And I utterly adore you,” she said when they were finished. “The light is starting to fade, my love. Shall we retire to our room?” Her smile was mischievous.</p>
<p>“Do you actually have free time this evening?” said Dorothea. “How unusual.”</p>
<p>“I have a strategy meeting, but not for another two hours.” Edie blushed. “I can think of some ways to use the time before then.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>They lay in bed together, their clothing long since discarded. It was <em>wonderful</em> that both of them had energy. They shifted positions periodically, rolling around in the bed, kissing all the while. Mostly they kissed each other on the lips, but periodically one or both of them took a break to kiss other places: the other’s neck, or shoulder, or breasts. Edie in particular had a love of doing that, but Dorothea always pulled the shorter woman’s mouth back to hers, to taste her and enjoy the feel of their tongues twining together.</p>
<p>After a bit, Edie pulled back, one finger raised to her lips quizzically. “Dorothea,” she said, the eagerness in her voice becoming matched by a look in her eyes. “Could you lie on your back, please?”</p>
<p>Dorothea obliged. Edie trailed kisses down her stomach and abdomen. Then, starting from Dorothea’s left knee, she trailed another row of kisses up her thigh. And before she could reach a destination, she repeated her affections on Dorothea’s other thigh, in the same pattern. Dorothea felt anticipation build within her. She had a pretty good idea what Edie was planning, but decided to let the other woman ask, first.</p>
<p>Finally, Edie’s voice came, a little embarrassed, but still very eager. “Dorothea, may I... I would like to use my mouth to make you happy. If... you’re okay with that.”</p>
<p>Dorothea replied by smiling at Edie and slowly, purposefully opening up her thighs. Edie took a deep breath, her eyes locked on what she now had a good look at. “I’m... not really sure how to do this, but I will try my best.” And gently, she lowered her head between Dorothea’s legs, her lips greeting Dorothea’s vulva with a kiss, almost shy. “Was that good?” she asked.</p>
<p>Dorothea tangled her hands in Edie’s hair. “You’ll be able to tell what I think is good,” she said, her voice breathy. “I promise you that, my love.”</p>
<p>Edie dropped her head to kiss once again, this time letting her tongue explore up and down Dorothea. A jolt of pleasure surged through her as Edie’s wandering tongue found her clit, and she let out a cry of pleasure. Edie seemed encouraged by that, and repeated the motions of her tongue there a few times, before continuing to explore up and down her labia. Despite Edie’s earlier protests, she seemed to at least have some idea what to do with a woman’s anatomy. A part of Dorothea’s mind told her that only made sense, but it was quickly overwhelmed by the part of her that just wanted to moan and enjoy the sensations cascading through her body.</p>
<p>As Edie continued, Dorothea wriggled on the bed. She closed her thighs around Edie’s head, squeezing just a little. She continued to cry out, not caring if anyone else heard. “Yes... yes... oh do <em>that</em>, yes...” She heard herself cooing. She raked her fingers along the bed, until she felt Edie grab one of her hands with her own. Edie’s grip was strong, and Dorothea squeezed back. Dorothea raised her head slightly, looking down the length of her naked torso to where the upper part of Edie’s face was visible. One of the emperor’s hands clasped Dorothea’s, the other had a strong hold on her thigh. Her eyes were closed but she did not need to see to do what she was doing, and doing very well, at that. Dorothea lay back down; she could scarcely keep her own eyes open. She let what was left of her rational thought flee. She vaguely heard her own moans intensify as she felt pleasure arc from her groin through the rest of her body like a surge of lightning. As the feeling peaked, she cried out Edie’s name in a long, impassioned exclamation, and squeezed her lover’s hand.</p>
<p>After, as Dorothea’s senses slowly returned to her, she lay there, panting. Edie lifted her head from where it had been nestled, a huge smile painted on her face, which glistened in the candlelight. “You were right,” she said. “I was definitely able to tell.” She touched her face. “So <em>wet</em>,” she said, almost reverently. “I love it. And I love you.” She crept up Dorothea’s body, and planted a big, wet kiss on her. Dorothea tasted herself on Edie’s lips. “I hope that I was good enough for you.”</p>
<p>“The best,” said Dorothea, her voice intense as she gripped Edie in a hug. “I love you too, Edie.”</p>
<p>“We’ll have to get going soon,” said Edie, sadly, as she lay down beside Dorothea, one hand cupping the taller woman’s breast. “But I’d like a few more moments with you. Just you and me... together.”</p>
<p>“Don’t worry,” said Dorothea. “I’ll wake you up when it’s time if you fall asleep.” Edie smiled, and her eyes slowly drooped closed. Not sleeping, Dorothea didn’t think, but resting. As if, in that moment, she was perfectly content.</p>
<p>Dorothea lay on the bed and wondered about what had gone unspoken. Edie was new to this, but implicit in her words had been the assumption that Dorothea was not. Edie wanted to be a good lover – she needed to be good at everything, how like her! – and had to at least strongly suspect that Dorothea was able to make comparisons. Dorothea felt a twinge of sadness. Powerful nobles liked virgins; it was an unpleasant reality of the culture they lived in. But in their case, it was Edie, the most powerful noble of all, who had brought her virginity to their relationship, and not Dorothea. Was Edie bothered by that?</p>
<p>Dorothea turned her head slightly to where a lovely smile was painted on the silver-haired woman’s resting face. Well, if she was bothered, she certainly didn’t show any evidence of it. <em>She loves you. She wants to be with you. Let that be enough, and don’t worry about your past.</em></p>
<p>It felt like she was collecting a lot of things she would have to try not to worry about. But, she reflected, as she gazed at Edie’s beautiful face, she was sure she would find a way.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. News</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>She pushed down a moment’s frustration at both men. Surely they could see the justice of her cause, but still they played politics, placing their own petty desire for power above the good of Fodlan. She wondered if even a remade social order would be free of such self-serving, nakedly political behaviour.</p>
</blockquote>Edelgard and her council discuss the state of the war, which has turned into a stalemate since the capture of Garreg Mach. News of the political state of the Alliance and the Kingdom shapes their decisions of what to do next. And finally, Edelgard receives some personal news of her own...
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>~Harpstring Moon (month 5)~</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is everyone here yet?” Count Bergliez looked around the table impatiently, fingering his moustache. Eight chairs had been placed around the table in the strategy room, and one was currently unoccupied.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We are awaiting the arrival of Bernadetta von Varley. She will be here presently,” said Edelgard, keeping her voice even. Where </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> the girl? She could send Hubert to find her, but doing so would say nothing good about her ability to maintain order amongst her own people. So she clasped her hands underneath her chin and waited, trying her hardest to look as if everything was going to plan.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She glanced around the table, looking at what was, for the time, her war council. Count Bergliez, dressed in a military uniform decorated with medals, certainly looked the part. At the same time, he also looked a bit out of place. Aside from the Count and Shamir Nevrand, the representative of the mercenary companies, all of the others had been students at the Officer’s Academy merely two months ago, most of them under twenty. The youngest, Lysithea, who sat to Edelgard’s right, had only recently turned sixteen. Hubert, to her left, along with Petra and Ferdinand, sat in the remaining chairs. It was a set of youthful faces that Edelgard had chosen to surround herself with... but they were who she felt she could trust. If she could trust anyone. She looked at each of the faces around the table in turn. Might one of them be a replacement, placed there by her uncle? She did not know Shamir well; maybe her? Or perhaps even someone closer? Kronya’s imitation had not been very convincing, but that did not mean someone else could not be better at it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stifling a sigh, she pushed such thoughts from her mind. Her eyes wandered over to the side of the room, where Dorothea stood, leaning casually against a wall, one hand resting on the pommel of her sword. Edelgard felt guilty that Dorothea didn’t have a chair, but Dorothea had insisted that a bodyguard must be ready for action at a moment’s notice. Dorothea was dressed in a sharp red and black uniform which announced her as an Adrestian officer, though the particular details of the outfit had been designed by Dorothea herself. Dorothea mentioned a lot of things about fashion, about godets and pleats and the like, that Edelgard only barely understood, but Edelgard thought the black and red skirt worn over black tights looked good. And that way the outfit’s neckline dipped just far enough to tantalize was not unfortunate, either.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A timid knock on the door announced Bernadetta, and Dorothea opened the door for the smaller woman, who scurried to her place at the table.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Bernadetta,” Edelgard began, trying to balance her voice between kindness for her easily-frazzled friend and the emotionless command of an impartial emperor. “Would you speak to us of the state of the people in Enbarr and in your own territory of Varley?” That was one reason Edelgard had sent her, to have a trusted set of eyes to give her feedback. The other reason was that Varley was the most influential house that had opposed Edelgard, and it was important that those who had been loyal to Count Varley saw that his heir was alive, unharmed, and an open supporter of Edelgard.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um...” Bernadetta began, her eyes darting around the table. “Yes. The people are... excited. In Enbarr especially. I saw so many Adrestian flags being waved, so many people excited about how the war is going, how we’ve taken Garreg Mach. I met people who talked about brothers and sisters, sons and daughters, joining the army to fight.” Bernadetta’s eyes looked straight down at her own lap. “It kind of makes me feel bad... but we’re doing the right thing, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Was there sympathy for the Church in Varley?” asked Ferdinand. “It is the historical seat of the Minister of Religious Affairs, even if the love for the Church of Seiros has dwindled there in recent decades.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If anyone felt that way, they were probably hiding it,” came Bernadetta’s reply. “That’s what I would do! No, most people feel very strongly that what Edel- what Her Majesty is doing is right, and they want us to take the army to Faerghus and get rid of them once and for all.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You see, Your Majesty?” Count Bergliez waved his hand as he jumped in. “It is as I have been telling you. The people cry out for an end to this sorry state of affairs in Fodlan, where the Church created false nations to serve its own selfish desires. We must unite the peoples of Fodlan under our banner and drive out such corruption. Only then will Fodlan be truly at peace. And I shall make it happen for you, Your Majesty.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your counsel is noted, Count Bergliez,” said Edelgard, her voice cool. Bergliez had been the easiest of the major nobles to recruit to her cause – he was a warrior and a patriot, and clearly craved a major conflict to advance both the Empire’s glory and his own – but his instincts were ever to drive Fodlan into a bloodbath where a softer approach might achieve the same goals with fewer lives lost. “But I still believe we can win more support to our cause from the nobles of the Alliance and the Kingdom before we proceed with our attack. Lysithea, would you speak to the situation in the Alliance?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lysithea drew in a deep breath. Her youth was emphasized by her small size at first glance, but as ever, her steely gaze made her appear older. That trait of hers had only intensified since the war began. The dress she wore was of a cut popular in the southern Alliance, but the eagles on the bodice proclaimed her new allegiance. “Of the major houses of the Alliance, Goneril remains deeply opposed to us. The Goneril ambassador I met with was particularly rude, calling you a ‘power-hungry tyrant’. I won’t waste your time by repeating what he said about me.” She crossed her arms. “I doubt he’ll come around short of the rest of the Alliance doing so. Daphnel was more polite, but equally uninterested. Judith von Daphnel is a devout follower of the Church of Seiros, and fundamentally disagrees with the case we have made.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fools!” thundered Count Bergliez. “There is only one solution for the likes of them.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Perhaps it will come to that,” agreed Edelgard. “But they may find they change their tunes if the rest of the Alliance does. Lysithea, please continue.” She already knew all that Lysithea would say, but wanted everyone else present to hear it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Margrave Edmund was evasive. When I met with him, he spoke of how he agreed with Her Majesty’s ideals and how he would do all he could to support her, but when I pressed him on specifics of what help he could offer, he would not commit to anything. I believe we can count on him not to oppose us, but he is interested in saving face among the other lords of the Alliance should the Church re-establish itself and return things to the old order. Count Gloucester’s position is similar, although he at least made his demands explicit. He was willing to offer military support directly, either against the Church or against the rest of the Alliance but only if you sign a decree making him the ‘Lord Superior of the Leicester territories’.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And since that is far too much to concede, his position is the same as Edmund’s in practice,” said Edelgard with a sigh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At that, Shamir spoke up. “Would it be that bad to give him what he wants, if it gives us the Alliance? Or at least, provokes a civil conflict there which would leave Daphnel and Goneril unable to provide military support to the Church?” Shamir’s voice was very matter-of-fact, as if she were discussing what they would eat for dinner.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edelgard shook her head. “To place one lord so far above the rest simply because he supported me first would not help me win over any of the others. Still, I will not say no outright. We can string him along with the possibility. Edmund and Gloucester aren’t the only ones who can play that game.” She pushed down a moment’s frustration at both men. Surely they could see the justice of her cause, but still they played politics, placing their own petty desire for power above the good of Fodlan. She wondered if even a remade social order would be free of such self-serving, nakedly political behaviour.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lysithea cleared her throat. “Of course, my own house, Ordelia, is solidly behind you, Your Majesty. But we are limited in what resources we can offer. Goneril has seized control of the bridge crossings in our territory, with the blessings of the roundtable. We can contribute troops if you attack the Kingdom, but if we are seen opposing other houses in the Alliance, they would fall on us immediately.” She sighed. “And that just leaves Riegan. Perhaps Your Majesty can speak to him better than me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edelgard remembered Riegan’s reply to her letter. “Duke Riegan has stated that he recognizes that there are many different opinions about my manifesto represented among the lords of the Alliance. He claims to be sympathetic to my cause, but believes that he can mediate a peaceful outcome to the conflict. He also warns that he will not tolerate any incursions into Alliance territory. I do not believe he is our enemy, but he may certainly block our ambitions where our advance is concerned. As long as we focus our attacks on the Church in Faerghus, he will likely not oppose us directly. It’s possible that he may even prevent Daphnel from doing so as well, but we will need to take steps to be sure of that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Count Bergliez grunted. “If that’s how the old man wants to play it, I say we let him. Let him watch as we conquer the Kingdom. Afterwards, the Alliance lords will be begging us to let them keep their lands.” He eyed Edelgard. “I trust we have even less support from the Kingdom’s nobles? Bunch of brainwashed fools.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edelgard nodded sadly. “It is as you say. Hubert?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hubert, still seated, gave a slight bow from his chair. “Unfortunately, the nobles of eastern Faerghus – Gautier, Fraldarius, Charon, and Galatea – are united behind the soon-to-be-crowned king and his declaration of support for the Church. None have responded positively to our entreaties, and I see little chance of peeling any away. The west is where our hope lies.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, are the western Kingdom nobles actually worthy of that title, then?” asked Ferdinand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not so much the nobles,” Hubert continued, obviously trying to contain his annoyance at Ferdinand’s interruption. “Rather, it is King Lambert’s former court mage, Cornelia Armin. She is a hero of the Kingdom ever since her ingenuity helped them put an end to a plague two decades ago. She has come out strongly in Her Majesty’s favour. This did not go over well in Fhirdiad, but she has fled to Rowe territory and continues to speak for us, and against the Church. The people of the Kingdom have great respect for her, and I believe she may yet move Rowe and Kleiman to our cause, and with them would come the rest of western Faerghus.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is she a true friend, or is this selfishness?” asked Petra. “We should be discovering this truth.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I agree,” said Edelgard. “Hubert, I want you to arrange a meeting with this woman. If she can deliver part of the Kingdom to our cause, it would be an invaluable help. We will not begin military action against the Kingdom while the possibility of winning over the west peacefully exists.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Harrumph,” came Count Bergliez’s disapproval. “I think you are putting off the inevitable, Your Majesty.” He saw her glare and changed his tone slightly, becoming more conciliatory. “Oh, I know it’s your call to make. And I’ll do my best to support your decision. But I think in time, you’ll come around to seeing that my way is the only way.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We shall see,” said Edelgard. “For now, we wait and see how things unfold. I will speak with you all later to discuss the individual roles I wish you to perform. Thank you all for your presence at this meeting. You are dismissed.” She turned to Petra. “Except for you, Petra. Could you wait a moment?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The others took their leave, until only Dorothea, Hubert, and Petra remained with her. Once everyone else was gone, Edelgard let out a deep breath, finally letting her displeasure show.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If only the professor were here,” she muttered. “Then I would actually believe that we could just go with Count Bergliez’s idea and win. For all that I still would not change our path; we want to win over as many as possible without fighting.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Edelgard,” said Petra, still seated. “What is it you are wishing to talk of?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edelgard glanced over at Dorothea, whose expression was sad. She had discussed this with her bodyguard already, but... “Petra, would you consider returning to Brigid? You have been such a loyal friend to me, and I’m sure your words could move your grandfather and others to support me, or at the very least, to not support our enemies.” She smiled. “And, it has been so long since you have seen your homeland. I think it would be good for you to see it again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Petra’s eyes shone. “To return to my homeland... I had hoped to do so with the honour of having claimed victory over the Church.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You have already claimed much honour,” said Edelgard. “I could not have come this far without you. Still, I will not force you to go. You were the Prime Minister’s hostage. You will never be mine. You have free will, Petra. Still, as your friend, I think you should go.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Petra nodded. “Thank you, Edelgard. In truth, I have longed to see Brigid once more. To walk its forests and feel the sun’s warmth upon me.” Her eyes took on a faraway look, then returned to meet Edelgard’s own. “But I shall be returning, and I shall fight for you once more. I will not stop until I have achieved the future where the Empire and Brigid are friends, and our enemies are destroyed.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Petra...” said Dorothea, the sadness in her voice evident as it trailed off. Her eyes contained the faintest hint of tears. With a glance at Edelgard, she moved to give the dark-skinned woman a hug. “I will miss you so much. Your advice and your friendship have meant so much to me, especially recently. I hope that I am strong enough to continue without you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You have my thanks, Dorothea,” said Petra, giving the taller woman a pat on the back. “But you are not needing my help any more. The strength to protect Edelgard is inside you, and I think you are now understanding that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank, you, Petra.” Dorothea stood back from her friend. And then, impulsively, she reached out and grabbed Edelgard’s hand. “And Edie will miss you too, even if she’s too stiff to admit it!” Dorothea gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Right, Edie?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Y- Yes, I will indeed,” said Edelgard, her face heating. She was aware of Hubert’s disapproving eyes upon them. Edelgard wondered if he had known that Petra knew about them. She would have to talk with him later.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A knock came at the door. Hubert opened it; Dorothea’s hands returned to her sides and she eyed the new figure who entered. Ladislava, the head of Edelgard’s guard, stepped into the room and bowed. “Forgive me, Your Majesty,” came her voice, as she kneeled before Edelgard. In her extended hand, she held an envelope. “But I thought it was important you receive this letter without delay.” Edelgard took the letter and opened it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She stared at the words on the page. Then she read them again, carefully, as if doing so could change them. Wordlessly, she allowed the letter to drop to the floor. Everyone was looking at her; she looked up at their faces, concern for her written clearly upon them. There were tears in her eyes, she realized. Tears? Surely she was mistaken. The emperor did not shed tears in public.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I must return to Enbarr.” Her own voice sounded far away. “Immediately.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Father</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>“My father has always treated me with love. Even though I was a child of his mistress, rather than his wife. Even after the experiments changed me forever and claimed the lives of his other children.” She closed her eyes. “I’ve been so fortunate to have him. And so foolish, to not realize what a gift he was, a gift that so many others were denied.”</p>
</blockquote>Dorothea and Edelgard return to Enbarr, where Edelgard's father lies dying of a terminal illness. They go to an opera to help keep their spirits up during the hard times, and end up discussing both of their fathers.
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>~Harpstring Moon (month 5)~</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The room was warm; an impressively large fireplace was lit and filled with flames which flickered softly. But its </span>
  <em>
    <span>atmosphere</span>
  </em>
  <span> was cold. And the sound of the fire was overwhelmed by the sound of a heavy rain, drumming on the window, as if the world were weeping at the scene in the room. Dorothea stood just beside the bedroom’s only door with her back to the wall, ready in case someone else tried to enter. But her eyes were mostly on the man who lay in bed, and the woman who sat in a chair beside him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ionius IX, the former emperor of the Adrestian Empire, lay dying.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edie had been distraught on the journey to Enbarr. She had said almost nothing, except when necessary. Whenever she spoke, she had managed to sound very composed, but there was an unusual coldness to her voice. Perhaps she could fool some, but not Dorothea. Edie’s normally proud demeanour was replaced by a distant one. Dorothea’s attempts to cheer her up by pointing out the beautiful countryside on their journey had fallen on deaf ears.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And now Edie sat beside her father, watching him sleep. He had been sleeping since they arrived, but the doctor had said that he might yet wake later today; his condition was worsening each day, but he was still managing to wake up. There was no telling when that would be, though. There was even the possibility that it might never happen. Edie had rushed here to see her father one last time; Dorothea prayed she would get that chance. A fervent prayer, voiced only to herself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorothea did not think of herself as particularly religious. Perhaps the goddess existed – certainly Professor Byleth had been connected to the supernatural in some way – but if so, her true nature was obscured by the corrupt church which claimed to serve her. But Dorothea’s mother had encouraged her to pray. She had never liked doing so openly – open prayer seemed less for one’s own spiritual benefit and more to create an image of piety – and Edie’s opinion on prayer certainly hadn’t changed that, but inside her heart, she still offered her prayers when it seemed warranted. As it did now. And, as Dorothea watched, it seemed to her that her prayers were answered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>On the bed, Ionius stirred and opened his eyes. He turned, slowly, to face his only surviving daughter. He certainly looked like a man facing death, with his wiry white hair, his blotchy skin, and his sunken cheekbones. But his eyes were still strong. Dorothea saw them gaze into Edie’s face. Slowly, he moved a hand out from under the covers; Edie gripped it in both of hers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My daughter... El...” he coughed. “I am glad that I had one more chance to see you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t say that, father.” Edie’s voice carried an air of command, as if she could will her father’s illness away. “You must not die yet. You will see the Fodlan that you entrusted me to create. I promised you that, remember?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ionius smiled. “The emperor does not have power over life and death, El...” He took a deep, ragged breath. “You will discover that, just as I did. But... do not fear. I do not need to see the future you will create. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> you will succeed, my daughter.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Dorothea watched, the old man’s eyes glanced over to her, then he turned back to his daughter. “El, who is this with us? Are you going to introduce me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edie turned to face Dorothea, a sad smile upon her face. She beckoned Dorothea over to the bed; Dorothea, trying to remain aware of her surroundings, slowly moved over to stand beside Edie.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Father,” said Edie, turning back to face the man in the bed. “This is Dorothea. She is my bodyguard, but she is also... very special to me.” She took a breath. “I love her, father. I wish I could have introduced her to you in a happier time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ionius smiled. “Is that so?” He coughed, his eyes wandering up to catch Dorothea’s. “Well, young woman, it is an honour to meet you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorothea’s eyes dropped to the floor, feeling suddenly very self-conscious. Was the </span>
  <em>
    <span>emperor</span>
  </em>
  <span> actually introducing Dorothea as a special someone to her father? She drew in a breath and raised her eyes. “It is an incredible honour to meet you too, Your Majesty. I’m sure I am not what you expected, but I will strive to be worthy of your daughter all the same.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ionius threw back his head and laughed, a jovial sound before it turned to hacking. Edie and Dorothea looked at him with concern, but he recovered after a few moments. “Oh, I trust my daughter’s judgement, my dear. If you make her happy, that’s all that matters to me.” He cocked his head. “I remember now. Mittelfrank Opera Company, am I right? Dorothea Arnault, the Mystical Songstress. My daughter was a bit of a fan of yours, as I recall. She praised your talent and your beauty.” He gave a slight smile. “I’m a poor judge of singing ability, I’m afraid, but the beauty is inarguable.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Father!” Edie sounded indignant.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A word of advice for you, Dorothea,” continued Ionius, as if he hadn’t heard his daughter. “Don’t let my daughter get too serious around you. More than anything, she needs someone she can relax with, and just be herself. She has always pushed herself too hard, and she never wanted to show any vulnerability to anyone but me.” A sad, distant look entered his eyes, and he was silent for a moment. “She will soon need someone else.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I... will try,” said Dorothea, forcing herself to laugh to avoid crying instead.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The next day, Dorothea and Edie were eating lunch together in the palace gardens. A large parasol had been set up to protect them from the rain which had continued to fall, unrelenting. But even in the depressing light of the grey skies above, the gardens were beautiful. Dorothea remembered how Edie had talked about wanting to show her the gardens, with their wide array of different flowers. But Edie did not seem even the slightest bit interested in that now. She ate her food methodically. Her father’s state had worsened that morning; the doctor had insisted that he be left to rest for the remainder of the day. Dorothea wondered if their conversation this morning had been his last. From what she had gathered from some of the servants, any conversation might be.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We should do something today, Edie,” she said. “Take your mind off of things.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edie looked up at Dorothea, her face contemplative. “You are right, of course. To be honest, when I feel like this, my favourite thing to do was always to sneak out of the city and take a walk.” She glanced aside, taking in the weather. Her voice continued, purposeful but melancholy. “But I’m in no mood to get soaked, today, I don’t think.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hmm,” said Dorothea, pretending to think of something. “Oh, I know! We should go see an opera! There’s one going on tonight. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Dinah and the Three Foolish Lords.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” She smiled. “It’s one of my favourites. My very first role was as part of the chorus in that opera, around nine years ago now. And I’ve always wanted to play the role of Dinah.” She smiled. “Who knows? If I’d never come to Garreg Mach, maybe I’d be playing it now. But well... then I never would have met you, and I don’t want to imagine that, Edie.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edie nodded. “It has been too long since I’ve attended an opera. That... would be nice.” She took another mouthful of food, and chewed quietly for a moment. “I just wish that Father could come.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, Edie,” said Dorothea, trying to muster all the sympathy she could in her voice. “I know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Their date at the opera went well. Though morose on the way there, Edie had still clearly managed to enjoy the production. She had laughed at the slapstick humour of Dinah’s street-smart servant Hugo. She had clapped her hands with joy when Dinah, the youngest daughter of a minor house, outwitted the titular three foolish lords. And she had smiled when Dinah and her beloved were married at the end. As the two of them discreetly left the opera house after the performance’s end, Dorothea heard Edie humming the main theme of the opera.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That was wonderful, Dorothea,” she said once the two of them were on their way back to the palace in the carriage, each sitting on a small bench opposite each other. “I’m always so impressed by the Mittelfrank Opera Company. The singer who portrayed Hugo was just wonderful! And the Dinah was excellent too... although I do wish it had been you on the stage, instead. I feel like you were born to play that character; she is so much like you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You think so, Edie?” Dorothea smiled, her voice playful. “I think you’re just saying that because I said I wanted to play her.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I do not say things I don’t mean,” Edie crossed her arms. “Everyone around her underestimates her because of her low station in life. But she’s so smart and talented. And kind. And has a great sense of humour.” Edie smiled. “It all </span>
  <em>
    <span>definitely</span>
  </em>
  <span> reminds me of you, my love.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>And</span>
  </em>
  <span> she ends up with the person of her dreams at the end,” said Dorothea with a wink.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes.” Edie looked pensive. “But in real life, the story doesn’t end just as the relationship begins.” She looked at Dorothea, and another smile broke out on her face. “And thank goodness for that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorothea reached across and stroked Edie’s hand, saying nothing. She was just happy that Edie had enjoyed herself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edie drew the curtains of the carriage open just a little and looked out the window, the lamplight cast through the rain playing on her face. “The one thing that made me sad,” mused Edie, “was how Dinah’s father didn’t seem to respect her much. He obviously seemed to think she was a nuisance. What kind of father thinks that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>What father indeed?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Dorothea thought bitterly. Dinah’s father was a minor character, but she supposed it made sense that Edie had keyed in on him. She said nothing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My love,” said Edie softly, turning to face Dorothea. Those eyes seemed to stare into her soul, seemed to see the cause of Dorothea’s silence. “Do you remember your own father at all?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Slowly, Dorothea shook her head. “I remember my mother. She raised me for a few years, before she got sick and...” Her voice caught in her throat. “... and left me an orphan. And my father is the </span>
  <em>
    <span>reason that happened</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” She felt a ferocity enter her voice. “He had me tested for a crest as a baby. And once he realized I had none, he lost all interest in me... and my mother. She was a maid, and he threw her out. And refused to provide her a reference to work as a maid for anyone else.” Dorothea had later learned that was only normally done when a servant greatly displeased a noble, and was effectively a death sentence for finding future work. “We ended up living in squalor on the streets.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>An expression of anger entered Edie’s face, although her eyes never left Dorothea’s. She sucked in a breath. “What a monster.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve met him, though.” Dorothea gave what she thought had to look like a twisted smile. “Or at least, I’m pretty sure it was him. A minor nobleman who told me he once had a daughter with his maid, but threw them both away when he realized she had no crest.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m surprised anyone would admit to that,” The disapproval was heavy in Edie’s voice..</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, but he did.” Revulsion filled her as she recalled the event. “He was... flirting with me, believe it or not.” She could hear the cold fury in her own voice. “After admitting it, he said... </span>
  <em>
    <span>but if a creature as marvellous as you would grace my bed, I promise I would not throw you away no matter how many crestless children you bear me.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edie’s mouth dropped open.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes,” said Dorothea. “I don’t like to think about that memory. That was... probably the angriest I’d ever been in my life. I felt like I was transported to some faraway place. I can’t remember the rest of our conversation, I just remember the feeling of my heart, transformed into a raging ball of fury. I’m honestly surprised I didn’t try to kill him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who is he?” said Edie, fury of her own evident in her voice. “To abandon one’s child is a crime, even for a noble. I will see him brought to justice.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorothea shook her head. “I don’t think I ever knew his name; if I did, I was so angry I blocked it out. I’m not sure I would recognize his face, even. But... that’s okay, Edie. My father is worthless; I’ve made my peace with that. Having to accuse him would only bring me more pain, at this point.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edie sat there, with her fists clenched. Then, slowly, as Dorothea watched, she relaxed. But when she spoke again, her voice was no less intense.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It just makes me think. You, Hubert, Bernadetta... even Ferdinand in a different way. Your fathers were so bad to all of you.” She held a hand to her forehead. “My father has always treated me with love. Even though I was a child of his mistress, rather than his wife. Even after the experiments changed me forever and claimed the lives of his other children.” She closed her eyes. “I’ve been so fortunate to have him. And so foolish, to not realize what a gift he was, a gift that so many others were denied.” She sniffled, anguish flooding into her voice. “Even when he passes, I’ll always have the memories of his love. I feel so self-piteous. How dare I feel so sad when you’ve had to live with a much worse parent situation for your entire life?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Edie...” She slipped over to Edie’s bench and wrapped her arms around the smaller woman, who turned and pressed her face into Dorothea’s shoulder. “You’re not self-piteous. It’s okay to be sad; it proves how much you loved him.” She sighed. “I had a good parent too. I loved my mother. I cried for weeks when she died. It’s okay to admit you feel sad.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have always wanted...” Edie’s voice, muffled against Dorothea’s shoulder, caught for a moment. “I have always wanted to be strong, no matter what happened. I believed that I could overcome any pain that way. I’m sorry for you to see my weakness like this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Edie,” Dorothea caressed her, gently stroking one hand through her hair and then down her back. “I love your strength. But admitting your feelings doesn’t make you less strong. It’s okay, my love. Let it out.” And the emperor did just that, bawling as her lover held her close.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The carriage had stopped; the side door opened just a crack. Dorothea held up one finger behind Edie’s back, hoping the coachman would take her meaning, and the door quietly closed again. She held Edie in her arms for quite a while longer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The next days were hard, as Dorothea sadly expected they would be. Ionius was able to be awake for less and less of the day, and then not at all. Edie threw herself into thinking about the war, exchanging letters with Hubert, who had remained at Garreg Mach. She spent hours each day discussing possible war scenarios and the military tactics she might employ; Dorothea wasn’t an expert in the subject, but she knew Edie just wanted something to occupy her mind, so Dorothea obliged her in the conversation. The rest of the day, she spent at her father’s bedside, as if she could will him to recover... or at least to speak to her, one more time. In both, she was denied.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edie did insist that Dorothea take some time for herself. Dorothea took the opportunity to meet up with some of her old friends from the opera, and while it was nice to see them, her mind kept going back to Edie, and she had a hard time enjoying herself as much as she wanted to.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Only at night did Edie let her actual feelings show. More than once, Dorothea was awakened by the sound of Edie softly sobbing; on those occasions, she said no words, but embraced her lover and held her close until the tears ended and the two of them found sleep again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they were awakened one morning by news that the former emperor had succumbed to his illness, Dorothea was almost relieved.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This was not an easy chapter to write. I'm fortunate to not have lost either of my parents, but they're at an age where it's certainly on my mind, and obviously I know not everyone else has been so lucky as me. Edelgard losing the last member of her family – the last person who called her El – was an event I definitely wanted to explore.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Dorothea's Thank-You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Dorothea winked at Edelgard, but there was no laughter in her eyes. “The true face of the Church of Seiros. You once asked why I hated them. Well, there you go.”</p>
</blockquote>After the funeral or Edelgard's father, she and Dorothea return to Garreg Mach. On the way back, Dorothea confides in Edelgard about an incident she survived during her opera days.
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Content warning: this chapter deals with an intended sexual assault. There is nothing graphic, but the intention is still clearly there.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>~Garland Moon (month 6)~</p>
<p>Edelgard sat on her throne, listening to a speech about her father. She did not cry. She had cried enough at night, but during the day, she was a perfect, untouchable emperor. A dutiful daughter, to be sure, who occasionally dabbed at her eyes with her handkerchief, but shedding no tears, needing to be a rock that others could cling to in this difficult time.</p>
<p>The state funeral was one without precedent in several ways. Traditionally, at such an event, the emperor-to-be would not yet be crowned; such was not the case here. She had decided that holding the funeral in her throne room would be most appropriate, to remind everyone who the current emperor was. And also, traditionally, the bishop of Enbarr or even the Archbishop would be present to conduct the ceremonies. Naturally, that was one tradition Edelgard had done away with. Instead, one of her father’s dearest friends, a minor noble, led the ceremony, and had already given a beautiful speech. There were other speeches, of course, including from important men and women who had not known her father that well, but Edelgard was glad that at least one speech had been heartfelt.</p>
<p>When the others were done, she stood in front of her throne and gave a short speech of her own, speaking of her father’s good deeds as emperor as well as about his private, softer side which only she – as his daughter – saw. She had rehearsed it several times the previous night when she had been unable to sleep, and she was proud of her delivery. She saw people in the audience nod approvingly or break down in tears; both made her happy to see, in different ways.</p>
<p>Throughout it all, Dorothea stood beside her throne. None questioned the presence of the emperor’s bodyguard. Perhaps some recognized a songstress when they looked upon her, but as (effectively) a graduate of Garreg Mach who held herself like a warrior, she commanded respect nonetheless. Or so Edelgard hoped. Certainly, Dorothea’s presence beside her was an immense comfort. She dared not spend much time looking at her, lest her grateful smile be too open for others to see, but the occasional glances and the mere knowledge that Dorothea was there was enough to let her face the day’s ceremonies with her head held high.</p>
<p>Once the ceremonies were concluded, Edelgard sat and received a long line of well-wishers, who offered words of comfort and renewed pledges of loyalty to the emperor of the Adrestian Empire. Most of the funeral guests were nobles, but quite a few were commoners: merchants and guild leaders from Enbarr and the surrounding towns. Edelgard had gone over the list of invitations herself, and she had wanted to make sure that people from a wide variety of different walks of life were represented at her first major public appearance as emperor in her own capital city. Edelgard tried to recall each person’s face as she met them and say some appropriate words in response. She hoped that each person would remember those words and remember that the emperor had taken a personal interest in them. It was hard because she was not very good at remembering faces; she hoped she was doing a good enough job. The impressions that these people got of Edelgard today could easily decide whether they would support her plans in the future.</p>
<p>At last, the final guests departed. Edelgard strode over to the casket where her father was resting, now eternally. She lay her hand on the casket, and closed her eyes as memories of her father filled her mind. She opened her eyes, and, without looking back, strode towards the door, Dorothea joining her.</p>
<p>With the ceremony completed, there was nothing left to keep her in Enbarr. It was past time she returned to Garreg Mach. She had a war to win.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>They travelled north to Varley by carriage. In Varley, though, the road ended, and the only way to proceed onward to Garreg Mach was a winding mountain path. The path was uneven and often narrow, certainly nothing that could admit a carriage, and even taking horses on it was ill-advised. Now that Garreg Mach was part of Adrestia, Edelgard reflected, a proper road would have to be built to it. Going around the long way via Myrddin was simply not acceptable. That would likely be expensive, but such a road would be helpful to their war effort if Garreg Mach was besieged: it would allow them to resupply much more easily. And, even more importantly, the increased commerce with Adrestian territories to the south would create a connection between the citizens of the town and the Empire.</p>
<p>Yet, as they started along the path, Edelgard was happy. The spring rains had finally relented, and a beautiful, hilly landscape greeted them as they made their way north by foot. After too long cooped up indoors, being around nature in this lovely sunlight felt like a blessing. Some of her guards were with her, just in case; a few walked in front of her, a few behind. But they allowed her some space to walk and talk with Dorothea alone. It was almost enough for Edelgard to forget the important reasons for their journey, and just treat it as a date, a beautiful nature walk through the mountains shared by a young couple. Their conversation touched on several subjects as they walked, but there was one thing Edelgard wanted to work up the courage to ask Dorothea about. She waited for a lull in the conversation, then decided to just jump right in.</p>
<p>“Something has been bothering me, Dorothea,” said Edelgard as they rounded a corner on the path. “I noticed, when we were greeting the guests at the funeral, you... flinched a bit at one of them, I thought.”</p>
<p>Dorothea went silent for a moment. “Nothing gets past you, Edie,” she said, softly.</p>
<p>Edelgard nodded to herself. So it hadn’t been her imagination. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want.” She reached up and patted Dorothea’s shoulder as they continued to walk. “But I will confess that I am curious. And if talking would help, I am more than happy to listen.”</p>
<p>Dorothea kept her eyes on the path ahead. “I think... yes, I think talking would help. It’s not a happy story, though. As I tell it, please try to remember it at least has a happy ending.”</p>
<p>She took a deep breath. “You probably know this, but often, after productions, we would have a bit of soiree, where important patrons could mingle with the stars. It was at one of those events that I met the man I thought was my father, for instance.” At Edelgard’s look, Dorothea shook her head. “This story doesn’t concern him, though. It concerns the man I saw at the funeral the other day... Lord Vilfried.” She almost spat the name.</p>
<p>“It was two summers ago. It was a large event; we’d rented out a large venue at a mansion near the opera house. Lord Vilfried was chatting with me, I remember. I’d talked to him a few times; he brought me gifts and talked about what a big fan he was. He wasn’t the first or the last to do this, of course, but he always seemed... nice enough. A bit shy. Anyway, I remember chatting with him and then...” She paused, seemingly for emphasis. “Nothing.”</p>
<p>“Nothing?” said Edelgard, a bit confused.</p>
<p>Dorothea continued, her voice slow and methodical. “My memory of what happened next is foggy. One of the other crew members later told me that she last saw Vilfried taking me outside for some air, saying I had had too much wine.” Dorothea shook her head. “I never have too much wine at these events. You learn not to.” Her face tightened a bit. “Either he drugged what wine I did have, or it was some magic I’m not familiar with. But I’m certain it was him, because... when I woke up, I was in his bedroom.”</p>
<p>Edelgard almost tripped. She didn’t think Dorothea noticed, though. Her bodyguard was looking straight ahead, focusing on the path in front of her.</p>
<p>“He... he made his intentions very clear. Terrifyingly so, in fact.” Dorothea tried to keep her voice even, but it shook a little. “He talked about how it was my fault. I was so beautiful, he had no choice but to do this. He also said that he wanted me to be eager, wanted me to please him. That if I fought him, I would not survive to see the next morning. He would have been difficult to fight, anyway. He was not a small or weak man, and he had a guard in the room with him. And they’d taken the knife that I carried on me. I don’t want to think about who searched me to find that.”</p>
<p>Edelgard felt a pit in her stomach. Part of her had known, in a statistical way, that such things happened. But to hear Dorothea describe it made her feel ill. She wanted to ask what happened next, but found she couldn’t. She feared the answer, feared to make her friend remember it.</p>
<p>“By a stroke of good fortune,” Dorothea continued, quietly. “Vilfried’s wife and teenage son returned home early from their own social engagement, and so he left to see them. For a few moments I prayed to the goddess, thinking she had delivered me. But then... the guard in the room spoke to me. I’ll never forget the horrible sneer he gave me as he said, <em>‘Don’t think milord’s wife will save you, girl. She doesn’t sleep in this room, and she won’t help you even if she finds out about you. Better start thinking about how to be a good little girl.’</em> I knew he was telling the truth. That sort of malice cannot be faked.”</p>
<p>Dorothea had said the story had a happy ending. Edelgard had to remind herself of that. She still didn’t want to ask what happened next, did not want Dorothea to recall anything that might hurt her. Dorothea was breathing heavily, and Edelgard did not think it was from the exertion of the walk. “Dorothea, are you all right? Talking about this, I mean?”</p>
<p>“I... could use a drink of water,” said Dorothea, her voice a bit faint. “I’m sorry, Edie, but remembering this is painful.”</p>
<p>“Of course,” said Edelgard. “Let’s take a break.” She signalled to the guards ahead and behind, and then the two of them sat down on a rock. Edelgard reached into her pack and pulled out a water bottle. Dorothea took it and rapidly gulped it down, wiping her mouth and handing the bottle back to Edelgard when she was done. Edelgard took the bottle and drank more slowly, gathering her thoughts. “You don’t have to speak about it any more if you don’t want,” she said.</p>
<p>“No, now that I’ve started, I want to finish. And... I did get out of it.” She gave the hint of a smile.</p>
<p>“How?” said Edelgard, unable to keep the curiosity from her voice.</p>
<p>Dorothea looked thoughtful, and continued quietly. “The oldest trick in the book,” she said. “I knew I had to do something while it was just me and the guard, so I pretended to be sick.” Dorothea’s voice quickened, becoming stronger as she talked about her own actions, rather than just what had happened to her. “I’m a good actor. He brought me a pot to be sick in, and I obliged. I really did make myself throw up; it wasn’t that hard, with how I felt.” She smiled. “Then, when he came to take the pot from me, that’s when I struck. I got him in a hold and...” She motioned with her arms to demonstrate. “Snap! I broke his arm, just like that.”</p>
<p>Edelgard smiled. “Good.”</p>
<p>Dorothea continued, a bit of pride entering her voice. “We scuffled for a moment after that... he tried to draw his sword with his other hand, so I punched him in his broken arm. That put him down for good. I stole his sword and made a run for it. Through blind luck, I found my way to the front door. There was another guard there. He tried to stop me, but he clearly underestimated me. I imagine he thought he saw a frazzled girl in a party dress carrying a sword she did not know how to use. That saved me; if he’d treated me as a warrior, he might have held me at the door until help could arrive.” She drew her own sword slowly, carefully, and looked at it, slowly turning it in her hand. “He took the wrong stance to fight me, but I didn’t take any chances with him.” She made a slow cutting motion with her blade. “Swordarm, so he couldn’t fight back.” She made another, lower. “Hamstring, so he couldn’t chase me. And then, I was out the door, and into the streets of Enbarr.”</p>
<p>“Where, I assume, you had a large advantage of experience,” Edelgard shook her head. “That still sounds terrifying.”</p>
<p>“Yes, well, you can bet I spent the rest of that night terrified,” said Dorothea. “It was like my childhood... I ran down some alleys, and eventually found a place to lay low for the night. I didn’t get a single bit of sleep, but I didn’t dare go home or anywhere else where they might be waiting for me. I waited for daylight, then returned to the opera house, where I knew I would be surrounded by other people.” She sighed. “I told a couple friends what happened. And then...” She trailed off.</p>
<p>“And then?” asked Edelgard, her curiosity piqued.</p>
<p>“Let’s continue this on the walk. I’m good to go now, I think.” Dorothea smiled. “Thanks for your concern, Edie.”</p>
<p>They took a few moments to check in on the other guards, making sure everyone was rested. And then, Edelgard ordered them onwards once again. For a few more minutes, Edelgard walked with Dorothea in silence, taking in the beautiful green countryside. She considered making some small talk, and did occasionally point out a few of the mountains she recognized to Dorothea, who nodded with interest, but for the most part, they were quiet. Eventually, Dorothea spoke.</p>
<p>“What happened next...” she said, eying Edelgard to ensure she had the emperor’s attention, “... was that I wanted to... report Vilfried, I suppose you might say. Do you know who he works for?”</p>
<p>Edelgard thought for a moment. “He’s in the Ministry of Religious Affairs. I’m ashamed to say I don’t know what he does. Something related to the church?”</p>
<p>Dorothea nodded. “I don’t know the exact details, but he essentially worked with and supported the Church in Enbarr. I figured the bishop there was the closest thing he had to a boss. And...” She shook her head. “I liked the bishop. I’d done some choral singing for the church in my earlier singing days, and he always treated me and the other singers with kindness, like a grandfather. So, I asked to see him. And I told him all about what happened.”</p>
<p>“What did he say?” asked Edelgard.</p>
<p>Dorothea stared off at some scenery, and did not answer for a time. “He listened to me in silence for a time. Maybe if I’d looked at his face, I would have known his feelings, but I stared at the floor the entire time, because I was scared. When I was halfway through my story, he finally interrupted.” Dorothea’s voice changed, not quite imitating the bishop’s, but taking on a self-righteous tone. “‘<em>Do you realize what you are saying? Milich von Vilfried is a man of impeccable character. He carries a major crest, the goddess’s highest blessing! For a... </em>common harlot<em> such as yourself to level this vile slander at him... I had thought better of you, Dorothea. If you love the goddess, you will speak to nobody else of this... filth. If I hear of it again, I will make sure that the opera company turns you out.’</em>”</p>
<p>Edelgard exhaled, a ragged breath.</p>
<p>Dorothea winked at Edelgard, but there was no laughter in her eyes. “The true face of the Church of Seiros. You once asked why I hated them. Well, there you go.”</p>
<p>“He must have suspected you told the truth,” said Edelgard, her voice cold. “He must have known you had little to gain from making up a story about that.”</p>
<p>“Maybe you’re right,” said Dorothea, her voice thoughtful. “But sometimes people choose to believe their own truths.” She clenched her fist as they walked. “Anyway, I did as he commanded. I returned to the opera and begged my friends to forget everything I’d said. I avoided Vilfried and the church after that, and buried my memories deep down. But it was an important lesson for me. Powerful people will protect their power, no matter how much they may claim to serve the interests of the less fortunate.” She looked at Edelgard and smiled. “When I realized how different you were from most nobles, as well as the hypocrites in the high clergy, I think that’s when I began falling for you.”</p>
<p>Edelgard blushed, and Dorothea giggled. “But that’s what inspired me to go to Garreg Mach. I wanted to escape from Enbarr, find a rich husband who would love me and protect me from the likes of Vilfried. I foolishly believed the nobles from other parts of Fodlan might be different. And... honestly, my escape gave me confidence. I overpowered two trained men! It’s a horrible memory, but at the same time, it’s also... rather empowering. In the darkest moment of my life, I saved myself.” She shook her head. “I’ve always felt a little bad for that second guard, the one at the door. He wasn’t trying to hurt me; he was just doing his job. The first one...” She drew in a deep breath. “He knew exactly what was going on. Him, I wish I’d done some more serious damage to. And of course, Vilfried himself... I wish I’d had the chance to hurt him, too.” Dorothea’s smile was far less pleasant than usual. And a little unsettling, if Edelgard was being honest with herself.</p>
<p>A vindictive thought entered Edelgard’s mind. “Well, you yet may. We will have to bring him to justice.” Dorothea opened her mouth to protest, but Edelgard continued on. “I know you said you didn’t want to pursue your father. But this is different. Your father’s crimes are in the past, but this man... if he was willing to do that, what else is he willing to do? What else might he yet do? We cannot allow him to go unpunished, for the sake of potential future victims.”</p>
<p>Dorothea nodded. “Yes... that makes sense. I’m sorry, Edie, I was thinking only of myself for a moment, there. I guess that’s why you’re the one in charge. I’m not as good at seeing the bigger picture.” She looked sad.</p>
<p>“Don’t sell yourself short, my love.” Edelgard spoke quietly, but she tried to make her voice as warm as possible. She certainly didn’t want to hear Dorothea’s self-deprecation! “Your comments earlier about how those in power seek to protect it... that is something even many intelligent people don’t understand. It took me a long time to wrap my head around it as well. You clearly understand the realities of this world in a way that even highly educated people struggle to do.”</p>
<p>Dorothea gazed at Edelgard, then spoke, sounding almost close to tears. “Thanks, Edie. That means a lot to me.” She raised her hands in the air, stretching as she walked, and looked around her. “But enough heavy talk! We are on a beautiful hike together. I want you to tell me more about those mountains, the trees and flowers, the history of this road, and all the other details you store in that brain of yours.”</p>
<p>Edelgard smiled. She wanted to reach out and hold Dorothea’s hand as they walked, but figured that really would reveal the secret of their relationship to everyone present. So instead, she indulged her lover in her request, and the pair of them chatted about sillier things the rest of the way to Garreg Mach. She hoped that once they got there, that the war would not consume all of her thoughts. She wanted to have more time for things like this in the summer months: time for the two of them to spend together in happiness. She would not stop moving forward; she would not stop making the world one she was proud to live in, and one where people would not have to suffer the way both she and Dorothea had. But surely she could spare a little time for her own happiness... and more importantly, for Dorothea’s. Because who in the world deserved it more than her?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The events described in this chapter are, of course, an expansion of events referenced in Dorothea's support with Bernadetta.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. The Pain of Secrets</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Dorothea shook her head. The memories had come pouring back unbidden, and with them, frustration. It frustrated her to no end that she had not been able to tell her friends the truth.</p>
</blockquote>Though her life has come to revolve around Edie, Dorothea still finds herself craving friendship. She reflects on a meeting she had with her friends from her opera days while she was visiting Enbarr, and she reconnects with Manuela as the two discuss the coming war, their reasons for wanting be a part of it, and more.
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>~Garland Moon (month 6)~</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorothea stood in the greenhouse, tending to some rose bushes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The days continued to get longer; summer was almost upon them. And the rains had returned with a vengeance. That drove Dorothea and her beloved to spend more time inside. As much as their walk to Garreg Mach had been a pleasant experience (despite some of the darker conversation topics), Dorothea was just as happy to spend time with Edie indoors and talk the hours away... or whatever hours Edie was not busy with some sort of administration or planning, at least.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For her part, Edie was clearly doing better with the change of scenery. Dorothea knew that Edie was not truly over her father’s death – she would still sometimes tear up, especially when there was no one else around besides the two of them – but overall she seemed much happier. The confident tenor of her voice had returned, she smiled more, and she had finally regained a passion in the bedroom which had been completely absent since she had first received the news about her father. All of those things made Dorothea happier as well. With thoughts of Edie’s smile racing through her head, she hummed happily to herself as she worked in the garden.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The door opened, and Dorothea turned to see Professor Manuela enter the greenhouse. No, </span>
  <em>
    <span>General</span>
  </em>
  <span> Manuela now. That would take some getting used to. Regardless of her new title, Manuela remained her usual self; she was still dressed in the same outfit that she had worn as a professor, and it seemed she still enjoyed spending time in the greenhouse. Dorothea turned from her work and smiled at her old mentor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dorothea! What a pleasant surprise!” Maneula’s eyes twinkled as she strode up to Dorothea. “I’ve barely seen you since you got back.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s good to see you. I’m sorry I haven’t had the chance to visit.” Dorothea gave Manuela a quick hug. “Life keeps us both busy, I suppose.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It certainly does,” agreed Manuela. “Although, if I’m being honest... my work isn’t so bad now. If this war begins in earnest, though...” The older woman’s voice trailed off.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorothea winced a bit. There had been skirmishes, she had learned: the Imperial army had clashed with both Kingdom and Church soldiers near the border between Garreg Mach and the Kingdom. Skirmishes meant wounded soldiers for Manuela to take care of; after all, she was the chief physician of the Imperial army that was stationed at Garreg Mach. But for now, the numbers were manageable. If the Church invaded Garreg Mach for real, or Edie decided to press into Kingdom territory... Dorothea did not want to think about it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But enough of those dark thoughts,” said Manuela. “How was Enbarr? I know it wasn’t the happiest occasion that drew you back, but it must have been nice to see your home again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorothea considered that for a moment, laying one finger against her face. “I’m not sure I still consider it my home, to be honest.” Home was wherever Edie was. “My memories of the city are... well, a bit of a mixed bag. But it was nice to see some things again. I went to see an opera with Her Majesty.” She forced herself to call Edie by her title. Not because she felt she had to be formal around Manuela, but because she knew that if she said the name ‘Edie’, she might have a hard time keeping the pleasure from her voice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Really? I’m glad you had a chance to do that.” Manuela smiled, her voice becoming nostalgic. “It’s been so long since I’ve had a chance to see one myself. Did you catch up with anyone from the company?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just a few of my better friends,” said Dorothea. “We met for lunch one afternoon.” When Edie had all but ordered her to take some time for herself. “You remember Simone, I’m sure. I caught up with her and a couple others.” She stared off at one of the larger flowering plants. “It was very nice to see them, but... I felt like I was in a different world.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Dorothea pushed open the doors to the cafe. It was just past noon, and the room was bustling with people. It did not take her long to catch sight of Simone, a tall woman in her thirties with black hair cut like a boy’s. Feeling a rush of nostalgia, Dorothea almost dashed up to the table. Two other women were seated there, both much younger, if still older than Dorothea. Honey-haired Susan had long been one of Dorothea’s best friends, and then... there was Stella. The redhead gave Dorothea a sly smile, the one that had once set her heart racing. Dorothea sat in the empty seat next to Simone and smiled. “It’s so lovely to see all of you again!”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Glad you could make time for us, Doro,” said Susan with a grin. “Soooo... is it true? You’re the </span>
  </em>
  <span>emperor’s bodyguard</span>
  <em>
    <span> now?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I have to admit, I’m impressed.” Simone chimed in, her voice acidic as always. “I thought those useless nobles wouldn’t give you the time of day at Garreg Mach. But I shouldn’t be surprised. If anyone could wade her way through the kind of shit they throw at us and come out on top, it’d be you.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Dorothea rubbed her nose. “Not the metaphor I’d have chosen right before lunch, but I appreciate your kind words anyway. And yes. I’m very proud of my position.” Even if there had been other reasons for her appointment, the work she had put in at Garreg Mach was real, after all. She </span>
  </em>
  <span>had</span>
  <em>
    <span> proven she had deserved to be there. “I never dreamed this is where I would be, when I said farewell to you all last winter.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“But don’t keep us in suspense.” Susan clapped her hands together. “How goes the hunt for a decent man?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oh. That.</span>
  <em>
    <span> Dorothea laughed, hoping she didn’t sound awkward. “So far, I... can’t say the right man has come along yet. You know, when we talked about how surely the nobles from the Kingdom or Alliance would have to be better?” She winked. “Yeah, not so much.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Disappointing, but not exactly surprising,” said Stella with a giggle. “Oh, Doro, I’m sorry.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I told you.” Simone crossed her arms. “Men are useless. They’re only as decent as they have to be. And the more money and status they have, the less decency is required of them. They’re smart enough to have figured that out. If not much more.” She raised her glass to her lips and drained it.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Drinking at lunch, now?” said Dorothea, making her disapproval obvious. “That was one cue I hoped you would never take from Manuela.” Her scowl couldn’t last; she smiled despite herself. “Manuela is doing well. I couldn’t believe she had become a professor, but she’s actually really good at it!”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“That’s no surprise,” said Stella, giving Dorothea a coy look. “Some people are just good at everything they set their mind to. Manuela was definitely one. And, as you’re proving, you’re another.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yes,” agreed Susan. “I mean, it’s great that she became a professor at some fancypants military academy, but you’ve been trusted with the life of the emperor! I still can’t get over it! You’re amazing, Doro!”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“That’s enough of that.” Simone’s eyes glittered with laughter, betraying the harsh sound of her voice for the act it was. “We don’t want our dear Mystical Songstress’s head getting swollen from all this praise.” She eyed Dorothea. “Or is it too late? Is that why you don’t have your favourite hat any more?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Well...” stammered Dorothea. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Edie loved her hair. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I guess... I’ve grown accustomed to letting my hair flow free.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“A shame, I did love that hat. It made you look so cute!” Stella giggled. “So... do you think you’ve permanently given up on looking for a man to marry, then?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Dorothea thought about what to say, trying to find a way to avoid a lie. “So much happened during the year I was at Garreg Mach. I don’t think I have any interest in finding a man any more. I realized it wasn’t necessary. Not for my future, and not for my happiness.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“In that case,” Stella reached across the table and placed her hand on Dorothea’s. “We have some catching up to do, just the two of us. I can’t take care of your future, but I can be a part of it. And I certainly </span>
  </em>
  <span>can</span>
  <em>
    <span> help with your... happiness.” Her voice became a purr as she uttered that last word. “As you know well.” She stroked Dorothea’s hand, and her eyes seemed to positively glow.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Good goddess, you’re brazen,” said Susan, raising a hand to her mouth. Simone just looked on approvingly, a smile almost threatening to break through her tightly-controlled face.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>For her part, Dorothea felt her face heat to a burning flame as her mind raced. “That’s... incredibly sweet of you, Stella,” she choked out. “But I don’t think it’s possible.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>A hurt look appeared in Stella’s eyes. “Why not? You don’t have time for me? I know your new job keeps you very busy, but...” She trailed off.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Susan looked a bit uncomfortable, and for a moment nobody spoke. Then, Simone stood up. “I’ll go place an order for us. Come on, Susan.” She turned and left, and a moment later Susan, with an apologetic look, stood up and followed.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m sorry, Stella,” said Dorothea, looking her past lover in the eyes. She couldn’t lie, but she couldn’t tell her the truth, and the grey area in the middle seemed likely to break Stella’s heart. Why hadn’t the damn woman found someone else? They had agreed to! No, that wasn’t fair. “The days we spent together meant a lot to me, they really did. But... it would never work out, now. My priority is Her Majesty. And I can’t afford to have attachments.” Attachments besides Edie. “There are people who would hurt me to get at her. I’m so sorry. But when I left for Garreg Mach, we knew we’d both have to find someone else. I do wish we could have stayed together forever.” Maybe that was a lie, now, but at least it had been true then. “I hope you find a perfect someone of your own; I’m sorry that it can’t be me.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Stella wiped her arm across her eyes. “When did you become so grown up?” She tried to laugh. “Thanks, Doro. I’m okay. I understand, even though I wish I didn’t.” A coy smile returned to her face, suddenly. “But... are you sure you don’t want to meet up with me in secret just once? Trust me, I’d give you a night to remember.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Dorothea blushed again. Some wicked part of her brain wanted to say yes and she hammered it down, furious at herself. It wasn’t Edie’s fault that she was uninterested in passion right now, Dorothea told herself as she gathered her wits to respond. “Tempting, but no.” She heard some regret in her voice, and told herself it was entirely feigned. “It’s better this way.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Stella nodded. “As you say, Doro.” She stood up. “But anyway, let’s go join the others. You know that if Simone chooses our lunch, we’ll be lucky if it’s even edible!”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorothea shook her head. The memories had come pouring back unbidden, and with them, frustration. It frustrated her to no end that she had not been able to tell her friends the truth. She looked over to Manuela, who was now watering some plants of her own. Dorothea didn’t even remember how their own conversation had ended, since she had been so lost in her thoughts.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She hated feeling self-centred, so she cleared her throat and spoke up again. “And how are you, Manuela?” She waited for the older woman to turn, and then held her gaze. Dorothea spoke seriously, with none of her usual whimsy. “I mean, really, how are you? Are you doing okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Manuela looked thoughtful. “I’d like to say I’m doing well. You’ll be happy to know I’ve been drinking less. Realizing that I’m now a part of something bigger than myself has changed my perspective, I suppose.” She looked around, her eyes slowly taking in the various flora of the room. “But at the same time, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>am</span>
  </em>
  <span> a bit nervous. If this comes to all-out war, I will have to watch so many people die.” She closed her eyes. “Friends. Students. I don’t... know if I’ll be able to handle it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorothea knew that feeling. “You could get out, do something else, if you wanted. I could talk to Edie – I mean, Her Majesty.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Manuela shook her head. “No. Edelgard wants to clean up this rotten world we live in.” She looked at Dorothea, sadness in her eyes. “The one which made women like us suffer.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s not talk about that,” said Dorothea, quickly. She never liked being reminded that anyone knew about that part of her past. </span>
  <em>
    <span>One day, Edie will find out, and...</span>
  </em>
  <span> She pushed it down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Still. You understand why I want to be part of this.” Manuela smiled. Dorothea gave her a solemn nod. For a moment, neither of them spoke. Then Manuela walked over to Dorothea, and eyed the plant that Dorothea had been tending.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“White roses, are they, my dear? A gift for a lover.” Manuela chortled. “Well, at least you’re having more luck than me. Who’s the lucky recipient?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorothea blushed. They hadn’t quite bloomed yet, but she should have known Manuela would be able to recognize that specific variety of rose from the plant alone. Her mind raced, looking for a deflection, or a lie. Once again. “They’re for...” She closed her eyes. She was sick of it all. Sick of not having friends she could confide in. She knew what Edie would probably say, what Hubie would definitely say. And she didn’t care. Manuela had been her friend for years, and she needed to trust her. She opened her eyes. “They’re for Edie, actually.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh dear,” said Manuela. “That </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>complicated. Oh, honey, that sounds like a recipe for a broken heart.” Dorothea was confused for a moment, and Manuela must have seen it in Dorothea’s face, as comprehension dawned on her own. “Unless... are your feelings reciprocated?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorothea searched her mind to think of an answer, but as she tried to do so she realized that a big smile had broken out on her face. Manuela clearly understood. “My goodness.” Her voice sounded amazed. “You came to Garreg Mach to do some fishing, and it seems you landed the biggest catch of them all.” She laughed. “I assume I’m sworn to secrecy on this?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorothea cleared her throat. “Please.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your secret is safe with me.” Manuela held a hand to her mouth, perhaps to suppress another chuckle. “And regardless, I wish both of you the best of luck.” She shook her head. “I can’t believe even little Dorothea beat me to the punch.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sure there’s someone out there for you too, Manuela,” said Dorothea, regaining her footing. “Who knows? If you’re drinking less, he may arrive sooner rather than later.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s hope so,” said Manuela, her eyes twinkling.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>On a whim, Dorothea flung her arms around Manuela, just as she had when she was a child. “Thank you for everything, Manuela. And come what may... even if it is a war, we’ll get through this together.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We certainly will, Dorothea.” Manuela’s voice had a tinge of sadness to it, but also rang with a firm resolve. “We certainly will.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I generally try to steer away from original characters in works like this, but since this chapter was digging into Dorothea's backstory, I felt it was necessary to add some faces from her opera days.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Birthday Surprises</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Her birthday. She was nineteen years old today. It was hard to believe that a year ago today she was just a student, and had only just fought her first real battle with the Black Eagle class. A year ago, her plans to free Fodlan from the stranglehold of the Church of Seiros had felt dangerously close to being nothing more than a deranged fantasy.</p>
</blockquote>Dorothea has several birthday surprises for her lover on her nineteenth birthday, and the two of them enjoy a delightful day together. However, the perfect day is ruined by a long-awaited meeting with Cornelia, which reveals some shocking and unpleasant truths.
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter contains some sexual content. :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>~Garland Moon (month 6)~</p><p>Edelgard woke up to the gentle caress of Dorothea’s hand rubbing her shoulder.</p><p>The emperor opened her eyes to a beautiful sight. Dorothea was bathed in the early summer morning light, which was streaming through the curtains. Her body was cloaked up to her chest by the red satin sheets they slept under, but her lush brown hair, wild after a night’s sleep, tumbled about her face, and those lovely green eyes of hers were open, gazing at Edelgard. A content, loving smile was on her face. Edelgard wondered if she was dreaming, but the senses were too real: Dorothea’s gentle touch on her arm and the image of her picturesque face. Edelgard shuffled over on the bed towards her lover, and they shared an embrace and a gentle kiss.</p><p>“Happy birthday, my love.” Dorothea’s voice was warm.</p><p>“Thank you,” said Edelgard simply. “I can’t imagine anyone I would rather spend it with.”</p><p>Dorothea smiled. “You’re so sweet. I have some gifts for you, my love.” A pout appeared on her face, matched by her voice. “But they will take me some time to get ready, so I need you to leave me for a few minutes. Go take a shower, would you?”</p><p>Curiosity seized Edelgard’s mind, but asking Dorothea would not help. There was nothing to do but what she was told. She rolled out of bed and made a deep bow, then spoke in a deeply formal tone. “The emperor shall serve your every wish, Lady Dorothea.”</p><p>Dorothea threw a pillow at her.</p><p>***</p><p>Edelgard really should have waited for the water to heat up more before pumping it into the shower; the water was still quite cold against her skin. She knew that she could have servants do this for her – most nobles in Enbarr did – but honestly, she always preferred running her own showers. It had become a part of her life where she had total control, something she had always craved growing up, when she had felt she was in the thrall to the Prime Minster and her uncle. She was emperor now, but she still found the ritual of cleaning herself, exactly to her liking, a relaxing one.</p><p>Her birthday. She was nineteen years old today. It was hard to believe that a year ago today she was just a student, and had only just fought her first real battle with the Black Eagle class. A year ago, her plans to free Fodlan from the stranglehold of the Church of Seiros had felt dangerously close to being nothing more than a deranged fantasy. A year ago, Dorothea had been a charming and funny girl with whom Edelgard was becoming fast friends, never dreaming that she and the songstress might become something more. A year ago, the Prime Minister still ruled Adrestia, and Rhea still ruled Fodlan in all but name. So much had changed, for the better.</p><p>A year ago, her father and the professor had been alive. She stifled that thought. Life was change; some change was good, and some was bad. The good, she hoped, outweighed the bad. She thought of Dorothea, waiting for her outside. The good <em>definitely</em> outweighed the bad, she decided, as she toweled herself dry.</p><p>She opened the door, and immediately she felt her mouth going dry. Dorothea lay on the bed, her head propped up by one arm. She had gotten dressed, but only barely. She wore a beautiful rose-coloured gown, trimmed with lace, which hugged her body. The outfit was certainly not one she could wear in public: it left her arms and legs bare, as well as her ample cleavage, and what it did cover it did so with a weave that was only slightly thicker than a veil, giving tantalizing hints to what lay beneath.</p><p>Dorothea smiled, moving a finger to her lips. “Do you like it? It’s your first gift.” She sat up slowly, pivoting so her legs reached the floor, and beckoned Edelgard over. The movements of her limbs were so graceful; Edelgard felt like she was in a trance as she walked over to the bed and sat beside this beautiful apparition who was her lover. As she did, Dorothea reached behind her, and pulled out something she had hidden behind her back. Edelgard’s eyes went wide.</p><p>“Oh, Dorothea, it’s so lovely! You made this yourself?”</p><p>Dorothea nodded, her smile a bit embarrassed. In her hands she held a woven wreath of leaves and dozens of small, beautiful white roses. The flowers were a symbol of love and devotion; for Dorothea to have woven so many into this perfect gift touched her heart. “Would you wear it for me?” the green-eyed woman asked. “Don’t worry, I removed all the thorns.” Her earnest, pleading face suddenly gave way to a grin. “I hope.”</p><p>Edelgard did so gladly. The leaves were cool against the still-drying skin of her shoulders and chest, the flowers soft. A thought struck her and she rolled her eyes. “I must look ridiculous, wearing this and nothing else.”</p><p>“I don’t know if you could look ridiculous if you tried, Edie. I think you could dress like a clown and everyone would still jump to follow your orders.” Dorothea giggled. “You just have that air about you.” Her bodyguard took her hand, then reached behind her again. “Here, there is something else.” She opened Edelgard’s hand and placed a small gold oval-shaped locket in it.</p><p>“You really are so thoughtful,” purred Edelgard.</p><p>“Well, open it!” exclaimed Dorothea, sounding impatient. Edelgard did so. The locket opened to reveal a pair of small portraits: one of Edelgard herself, and one of Dorothea. “Do you like it?” came Dorothea’s voice, a bit tentative. “I wanted to give you something small that reminded you of what we share. Something you can wear and think of me.”</p><p>Edelgard closed her eyes, and held the locket tight. It was all she could do to keep herself from crying. What had she done to deserve someone as kind as her lover? “Thank you, my love.”</p><p>“I had the portraits commissioned by two different artists, though I gave precise specifications so the sizes and styles should match pretty closely.” A note of sadness entered Dorothea’s voice. “So I don’t think anyone will figure anything out.”</p><p>Edelgard opened her eyes, and embraced Dorothea in a hug. “Don’t worry about that, my love.” She held her tight.</p><p>“But I...” Dorothea began, then she sighed. “No, you’re right. Let’s not make today about that. I need to tell you about your fourth gift.”</p><p>Edelgard pulled back. “You spoil me too much. The day of my birth is not that important.”</p><p>A mischievous glimmer entered Dorothea’s eyes. “Oh, but I think you’ll like this gift this best. I talked with Hubie, and we’ve rearranged your schedule. We couldn’t move the meeting this evening with that woman from the Kingdom, but the entire day until then, you have off.” She leaned in to Edelgard, until their noses were almost touching. Her voice became breathy. “So how would you like to spend it, my love?”</p><p>Edelgard opened her mouth and pulled Dorothea into a passionate kiss, their tongues locking. Edelgard felt Dorothea’s hands on her back, and she embraced her lover in turn. She rubbed her hands up and down the smooth, silky gown Dorothea was wearing, her hands drinking in the tactile feel of her lover as her tongue tasted the distinct flavour of Dorothea’s mouth. After quite some time, both of them broke off, panting. Dorothea ran a finger down Edelgard’s cheek. “That was the answer I was hoping for,” she whispered, fiercely.</p><p>Edelgard kissed her again, and the two of them fell sideways onto the bed. After a few more moments she broke off the kiss and instead planted her lips against the warm and inviting skin of Dorothea’s neck. The taller woman gasped as Edelgard sucked on her neck, but the moan that followed made it clear that Edelgard’s attention was not unwanted. Edelgard felt one of Dorothea’s hands between her own legs, gently exploring everything that lay there. She felt a torrent of hot lust awaken in her, and she rolled her hips to rub against Dorothea’s hand.</p><p>Laughing, Dorothea pushed Edelgard away, back down onto the bed, and straddled her. She lifted one of Edelgard’s legs and wrapped her own around it, rubbing her loins against Edelgard’s thigh, and then down, until she was rubbing against something else entirely. The touch of the nightgown’s silk against her was almost too much; Edelgard wanted to howl. Dorothea’s motion filled her with some wild, erotic excitement, but not the type that would bring her to a climax.</p><p>As Dorothea slowed and a bit of lucidity returned, Edelgard reached up and pulled Dorothea down for another kiss, feeling her lover’s body press against hers. “I love this outfit of yours,” she said, brushing her hand along Dorothea’s silk-covered hip. “But I think it has served its purpose. If you don’t take it off soon, I might be tempted to tear it off, and that would be a terrible waste of such a fine garment.”</p><p>Dorothea giggled. “I remember one of my friends telling me that the problem with such outfits is they always end up looking prettier on the floor.” She smiled deviously. “There are buttons on the back. Help me with them, please?”</p><p>If Dorothea really wanted help with those buttons, Edelgard wondered, then why did she insist on lying on top of Edelgard, pressing her body against her and kissing her, as Edelgard tried to fumble at them? After what seemed like an eternity, Edelgard dealt with all of them. Dorothea pulled her arms free of the gown and raised her body up, sliding it down to reveal the paradise beneath.</p><p>It didn’t make sense, some distant part of Edelgard reasoned, as a bestial force took hold of her. She saw Dorothea naked every night, but as aroused as she was right now, every part of her lover’s body seemed to cast its own little spell on her, turning Edelgard into its willing thrall. One hand slipped into the space between Dorothea’s legs as Edelgard wriggled along the sheets, showering attention on every part of the taller woman: her hips, her stomach, her sides, her shoulders, and finally her breasts. Hanging down as they were, and bouncing as Dorothea shuddered with pleasure, they seemed even more impressive than normal. Edelgard embraced the woman and brought one of those perfectly-sculpted mounds of flesh into her mouth, flicking the nipple with her tongue as she voiced her approval via moans directly into her lover’s body.</p><p>Edelgard wasn’t certain she ever would have stopped, but eventually Dorothea pulled free, and tilted Edelgard’s head up so that they were looking into each other’s eyes. Dorothea’s face was flushed red, her mouth open, panting. Edelgard suddenly realized that the hand between her lover’s legs now felt incredibly wet, and her pulse quickened at that feeling and the sight of Dorothea’s enraptured face. Dorothea cupped one of her breasts with one of her hands, glancing down. “You really do love them so much, don’t you?”</p><p>Edelgard felt suddenly self-conscious about her own desires. “I hope that’s okay.”</p><p>Dorothea giggled. “It’s more than okay. I was thinking... since you obviously enjoy them so much, would you like to make love to them?” And without warning, she grabbed hold of Edelgard and, with surprising strength, rolled both of them over until it was Edelgard who was atop the taller woman.</p><p>“W... what do you mean?” asked Edelgard.</p><p>“Oh, I think you know,” said Dorothea, smiling. “And if you’re so innocent that you don’t, you’ll figure it out quickly, my love...” She all but dragged out the last word with longing, then she grabbed Edelgard’s bottom and in a firm, gentle motion, pulled her forward so that the emperor sat atop her lowest ribs, just above her stomach. She gave Edelgard’s penis a quick squeeze, and then, with a look of satisfaction, let go and brought her hands to the sides of her own breasts.</p><p>When those perfect breasts enveloped her penis and Dorothea began to rub them up and down, Edelgard let out a loud moan. The feel of that soft skin against her hard penis was completely different from a hand, either Dorothea’s or her own. It just felt <em>right</em>, as if all her previous sexual experience was an inferior copy of this. <em>And this isn’t even the real thing. </em>She was aware that she had begun thrusting, moving her hips in time with the movement of her lover’s breasts. <em>The real thing can’t possibly be better than this.</em> She wasn’t going to last very long, she realized, but she couldn’t help it. She hoped Dorothea didn’t mind. All the emotions and physical sensations she had felt this morning, all the love she felt for Dorothea, that soft perfection against the hard flesh she had once despised... it was all bubbling up uncontrollably. “Oh Dorothea, I...!” She gasped. “I’m sorry, I’m going to...!” And then there were no more words, and she threw her head back in a loud, triumphant cry, as she emptied herself upon her lover.</p><p>A little later, when they had slowed, then stopped, and the rational part of her brain had clawed its way back to the surface, she looked down at Dorothea. The woman’s green eyes were open wide, and she smiled a beautiful smile as her hand caressed the side of Edelgard’s face. White liquid had pooled at the base of her neck, with a trail leading back up to where a bunch more lay between her breasts. Edelgard felt a bit embarrassed, but she smiled anyway. “Dorothea, that was <em>amazing</em>. I just hope you found it at least okay, too. I didn’t hurt you, did I?”</p><p>“Okay?” Dorothea giggled. “Edie, you are the silliest...” She shook her head, then winked. “The feel of you against my skin was wonderful. And that cute noise you made at the end… you can’t imagine how happy that made me. Also.” She gave Edelgard a nod, her face turning slightly more serious. “Don’t ever apologize for this.” She stuck a finger in the liquid that lay between her breasts, scooping some of it up. “As if this wasn’t exactly what both of us wanted to happen.”</p><p>She shook her head, then took Dorothea’s other hand in both of hers, squeezing it gently. “I’m just always surprised at how much there is.” She half wanted to ask if the amount was normal, but she got the feeling Dorothea wouldn’t want to talk about that. Dorothea was evasive on her past experiences, or even whether they existed. <em>That’s not your business, unless she chooses to share.</em></p><p>Dorothea looked at her finger, then stuck it in her mouth, and made a contented humming noise. Edelgard wanted to wince in shame, but Dorothea just smiled, then looked wistful. “I wonder,” she said. “If you came inside of me, could I get pregnant?”</p><p>Edelgard froze. That was not a subject she had been expecting. Not a subject she had dared let herself think about. “I... am afraid I don’t know. I don’t know if I can have children in either way.” It was an honest answer.</p><p>“Well,” cooed Dorothea. “I’d like to find out.” She looked to the side, her smile becoming almost shy. “I would love to make you an heir, Edie.”</p><p>Edelgard’s expression became stern, and she crossed her arms. She realized she was still wearing the white rose garland; that likely ruined the effect she was going for. Whatever Dorothea had said, she was certain she must look ridiculous. Still, her response was important, so she fought off the embarrassment. “I will not have an heir, Dorothea. I plan to abolish the concept of nobility, and I include myself in that. Any child I have will have to earn her way through this world.” She gave Dorothea a sad smile and patted her hand. “I hope you didn’t have your sights set on being a mother of an emperor.”</p><p>Dorothea gave her a smile back. “No. If anything, hearing that only makes me love you more. But I would still love to have a child with you, some day. I’d love to have one naturally if possible, but we could also adopt. Would you like to have a child with me... Edie?”</p><p>Would she? Edelgard didn’t know. She was only nineteen! But then, she supposed, her father hadn’t been much older than that when he’d had her oldest brother. But if it was something Dorothea wanted... “I think... I would, Dorothea. Not yet, but once things settle down...” She shook her head. “It was something I never dared to dream about, until you. Thank you, my love.”</p><p>***</p><p>The rest of the day passed by too quickly. They had lunch together by the pond on the terrace; they went for a walk in the forest near the monastery. They lay in bed together, sometimes enjoying each other with conversation, and sometimes physically. But whenever Edelgard took a moment to look at the clock, it felt as if time had joined the ranks of her enemies, and too soon, evening was upon them.</p><p>Edelgard dressed herself in the bright red outfit which marked her as both emperor and commander of the Imperial army, while Dorothea dressed in her custom-made officer’s outfit. They met with Hubert and they discussed how to approach the conversation with their visitor tonight: Cornelia Armin, upon whom lay Edelgard’s hopes of an alliance with the parts of the Kingdom free of Rhea’s influence.</p><p>Cornelia had requested a personal audience with the emperor, so Edelgard awaited her in the second-floor monastery room which they had converted into her office. Dorothea was with her, of course, in her role as Edelgard’s bodyguard, but otherwise the two of them waited alone: Edelgard sitting at her desk, and Dorothea standing just behind her.</p><p>The door opened, and a woman strode in. Edelgard was vaguely aware of Hubert, closing the door behind them to give them some privacy, but her eyes focused on the woman before her. She was certainly very striking. Edelgard remembered that Sylvain of House Gautier had once said that she had “aged like a fine wine”. She reflected that, while the man was crass, he was certainly not mistaken. Though middle-aged, Cornelia was a pleasant sight. Long flowing hair, somewhere between blonde and red in hue, framed a face which was beautiful in its maturity, and a pair of piercing blue-green eyes looked directly into Edelgard’s as the Kingdom woman regarded her. Her brown dress clung to her tightly, leaving no doubt as to the very impressive curves she possessed. And the bodice of her dress dipped so low as to expose almost as much as Dorothea’s gown from this morning had! Edelgard fought to keep a straight face, feeling excitement stirring in her body. She would <em>not</em> embarrass herself by staring.</p><p><em>Focus. Focus.</em> Edelgard sought refuge in rational thought. Why had the woman dressed this way? Did she know about Edelgard’s preferences for women? That seemed unlikely. Perhaps she just enjoyed showing off what she had, and by keeping her usual dress on before the emperor, that showed that she was not intimidated by her. Yes, that seemed reasonable. Though it might mean these negotiations would be more difficult than Edelgard had anticipated.</p><p>She rose from her chair and clasped Cornelia’s hands, a proper greeting to show gratitude for the distance Cornelia had travelled. Cornelia was much taller than her, she realized, of a height with Dorothea, and wearing heels besides. Edelgard felt herself suddenly wishing she had done the same. “Thank you for gracing us with your presence, Lady Cornelia.”</p><p>Cornelia laughed, sounding almost sultry. “It is a great pleasure to meet you, Your Majesty. I have been given a tour of Garreg Mach, and I must say I am impressed. You clearly have a good head for administration, and it’s obvious your people love you; many spoke passionately on your behalf.”</p><p>Edelgard felt a touch of embarrassment; she shoved it aside. “One of my many issues with the Church of Seiros is how poor their leadership has been. Doing a better job is certainly one of my priorities, and I am glad that you feel I am doing that.”</p><p>Cornelia nodded. “Oh, yes. Well, I share your dislike for how the Archbishop is running things, certainly.”</p><p>Edelgard waved her hand. “And you have come to discuss how you might assist us in ensuring that the Archbishop isn’t allowed to run any part of Fodlan any more, and how we might assist you in turn.”</p><p>“Cutting straight to the point, I suppose?” Cornelia looked amused, for some reason. Edelgard wasn’t altogether certain she liked the expression she saw on the older woman’s face, but she couldn’t place why she felt that way. “Fine by me. Allow me to explain my plan.” At Edelgard’s nod, she continued. “First of all, you will leave Kingdom matters to me. I have a lot of strings in place to ensure that Kleiman, Rowe, and the rest of the western nobles will support me as the Duchess of Faerghus. We will paint the eastern lords as being in thrall to the Archbishop, and King Dimitri as little more than her pet dog. Then, when the time is right, I will send word, and you will assist us in destroying them.”</p><p>Edelgard was surprised. Cornelia was a saintly figure in the Kingdom, one known for moderation. Edelgard hadn’t expected this sort of... raw ambition. “Well, you certainly don’t lack confidence. But I am pleased by your strong support.”</p><p>“Naturally, I have demands.” Cornelia’s smile was not pleasant at all. “You will recognize me as the Duchess of Faerghus and grant that title to my house in perpetuity. The western Kingdom will be my territory. Have no doubt that the lords there will follow me.” She twirled a lock of her hair in her hand. “For the rest of the Kingdom... we shall see who gains what by the fortunes of war. However, you promise me that whatever happens, I get Fhirdiad.”</p><p>Edelgard thought about what to say next. She stood just a few steps apart from the other woman, looking up at her face. That smile remained. An unpleasant one, but also confident. Too confident. For Cornelia to be so brazen as to demand all that... “I must say, I am surprised at such... boldness from you, Cornelia. I suspect many of your allies would be surprised as well. But your help is invaluable to me, and I will speak to my council to see what I can offer you. Much of what you say may be yours. But, I have two conditions of my own.” Did Cornelia snicker slightly at that? Surely not. “One, if you wish to rule, prove you are good at it. If the western lords are as loyal to you as you claim, have them pledge allegiance to you, and prove yourself a capable administrator. Whatever power I may grant you, I will expect to be competently wielded. I accept nothing less from myself, and I will accept nothing less from you.”</p><p>Cornelia chuckled. “The western lords will accept nobody else. I don’t need your permission, and I won’t abide by your oversight... but have no doubt as to my competence.” She crossed her arms beneath that impressive chest of hers. “And your second condition?”</p><p>“I do not grant any boons to any <em>house</em>. As you may have heard, in my Empire, titles must now be earned, not inherited from their parents. I do not exclude myself from this, and I shall not exclude you. If you wish to have children...” Was the woman even still young enough for that? <em>Enough thoughts of children.</em> “... or adopt them, they will not be guaranteed your title, should a more able administrator come along.”</p><p>Cornelia laughed. “You actually mean to go through with that ideological prattle. Your uncle was sure you’d drop it once you saw the reality of the world.”</p><p>Edelgard’s eyes narrowed. “How do you know my uncle?”</p><p>Cornelia took the slightest step forward, looming over Edelgard. “Oh, he and I go way back... as do you and I. <em>Little... darling.</em>”</p><p>Edelgard’s blood turned to ice.</p><p>For a brief moment, she was back in the dungeons, crying, as a tall woman laughed at her, the only thing visible from behind her black mask being... red-blonde hair...</p><p>She fought to regain control, sucking in a breath. She glanced to the side and saw Dorothea, looking tense, sensing something was wrong, one hand on her sword. Turning back to Cornelia, she pushed out a single word. “<em>You.</em>”</p><p>Cornelia laughed. “A pleasure to see you all grown up, little darling. My greatest success. Though I suppose you haven’t actually done that much growing.” She laughed, and took another step toward her, trying to make Edelgard feel small.</p><p>“<em>Stop right there.</em>” Dorothea’s voice was not loud, but it carried power. Her sword was out and pointed straight at Cornelia’s throat; her green eyes smouldered with hatred.</p><p>“Oh my.” Cornelia seemed unconcerned. “Little darling, please tell your lovely pet to calm herself.”</p><p>Edelgard hissed. This... vile woman. Edelgard wanted to vomit, remembering the attraction she had felt earlier. It was like some sick joke. “Give me a good reason I shouldn’t order her to end your wretched life right this second.”</p><p>Cornelia raised a hand to her mouth in mock surprise. “I thought you were smarter than this, little darling. I always defended your intellect from that fat little prime minister. But I guess anger is clouding your judgement. It always did.” She closed her eyes, a smirk on her face as she shook her head. “Kill me, your ally sent to treat with you under a banner of peace, and any hope you have of taking the Kingdom vanishes forever. I have, of course, seen to that. And do not think you would escape punishment. A puppet who thinks she has the right to pull the puppetmaster’s strings will be disposed of, and so will everyone she cares for. You are my pride. My darling experiment. But do you know what the best thing about experiments is?” Her lips were like two writhing worms as they twitched into a terrifying smile. “<em>They can be repeated.</em>”</p><p>Edelgard took an involuntary step back.</p><p>“Now, listen to me closely.” Cornelia went on, still uncaring at the sword which hovered a hand’s width from her throat. “Your failure to kill the Archbishop three months ago has made things more difficult. You even managed to recruit the Fell Star to your side, despite Thales’s efforts to push you apart, and you <em>still</em> failed. Pathetic, really.” She clicked her tongue dismissively. “Rest assured, however, that my plans to take the Kingdom are still going well. I have told you what you need to know. What I need you to do, little darling, is to take your army away from the Kingdom. I need some time to remind my little puppet lords that the Archbishop in their capital is more of a threat to their sovereignty than a teenage girl and her toy soldiers sitting on their border. Remove the main body of your army from here and return to Enbarr. Your uncle will propose it, and you will find his request reasonable. Oppose us, and you can imagine the consequences.” She eyed Dorothea. “I’ve heard your pet has a beautiful singing voice. It would be a shame if that lovely throat was sliced open, its song replaced by one last, pathetic gurgle.” And suddenly, she was gone. A warp spell of some sort; Edelgard recognized that type of magic. One last display of power, to let Edelgard know what she was up against.</p><p>Her knees wanted to give way. She felt about to collapse to the floor, but kept her feet. She did not scream. She did not cry. She did not do anything, not even when Dorothea swept her into a strong hug. Edelgard let her lover hold her, her own hands hanging limp at her sides, as she did battle with the voices inside her which screamed at her to give way to despair, that everything was hopeless.</p><p>“If only the professor were here. I would have her lead the army and we would smash all our enemies together.” No, that line of thought was useless, too.</p><p>With her right hand she reached into the pocket of her dress, where Dorothea’s locket lay. She gripped it tightly. And she knew, with a certainty, that there was only one thing she could do.</p><p>She would keep moving forward.</p><p>Edelgard summoned anger to fuel her determination, burning the despair away. She stepped back from Dorothea. “She thinks she has everything figured out. She is arrogant, overconfident. But she gave us some valuable information, revealing her hand like that.” She could hear the intensity in her own voice as she looked in her lover’s eyes. “We <em>will</em> beat her, Dorothea.”</p><p>“Do you really think we can? How?” Dorothea’s voice was almost a whisper.</p><p>Edelgard smiled. “I have never accepted defeat, and I will not start now. I will overcome this the way I always have.” She reached out to Dorothea and grabbed her hand, hoping to instill in her a confidence she only barely felt herself. “We learn. We plan. And when the time is right...” She clenched her fist. “... We strike.”</p>
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<a name="section0021"><h2>21. In Search of Truths</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            
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  <p>  <span>Edie placed the file carefully to her side, then walked around the table and gave the sitting Lysithea a hug. “You’re amazing, Lysithea.” She stepped back. “You have no idea how much Hubert has wanted something like this. I promise you, your hard work will not be wasted. We will unmask these people and put an end to their organization. We <em>will</em> make sure that nobody else has to suffer like the two of us have.”</span></p>
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  <p>  <span>There it was again. This time, Dorothea spoke up, tentatively. “Like the two of you...?”</span></p>
</blockquote>Acquiescing to Cornelia's demands, Edelgard has put her hopes of ending the war on hold. She and Dorothea return to Enbarr, but they are hardly defeated. Along with Hubert, they make plans to unmask the organization which threatens them... and thanks to the hard work of another one of that organization's victims, those plans move one step closer to fruition.
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  <span>~Horsebow Moon (month 9)~</span>
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  <span>The withdrawal from Garreg Mach took most of the summer. Edie was not willing to completely concede the location, given both its strategic and symbolic significance, and she spent a fair bit of time discussing a plan for how they could hold the place while still having most of the army retreat. Eventually, she settled on leaving a small handpicked force to hold Garreg Mach, led by Ferdie. If the Kingdom or Church tried to invade, they would hopefully be able to withstand a siege long enough to send for the main army for aid. Edie hammered out a treaty with Count Gloucester guaranteeing passage through the western Alliance for the Imperial Army should such an attack occur, allowing her to station a large squad of potential reinforcements at Myrddin. Dorothea could tell that Edie was decidedly unhappy with the terms of that treaty, but there was nothing to be done.</span>
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  <span>Eventually, though, Edie returned to Enbarr, and threw herself into domestic administration. Dorothea was present for many of the meetings, and she was ashamed to admit she did not fully understand all of them, particularly the ones related to trade laws and tariffs. It seemed to Dorothea that every day Edie met with a different guild leader and each one of them had a different set of concerns. Dorothea was much more interested in the social laws that Edie drafted and published: allowing commoners to employ nobles, requiring nobles to show proof that at least nine parts in ten of the taxes they levied were being invested in the people under their protection, and of course, allowing commoners to act as witnesses against nobles in criminal court. It was just the beginning, Edie insisted, but it was a delicate balancing act to pass these laws without angering her key noble supporters too much.</span>
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  <span>One noble who supported the reforms, at least, was Lord Arundel. Though he was often absent from their meetings, he spoke up in support of Edie on more than one occasion when he was present. This did not change the fact that Dorothea could not stand that man. Edie had insisted that they reveal </span>
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    <span>nothing</span>
  </em>
  <span> about their meeting with Cornelia to him – “His goals and hers may not overlap; they were never very friendly. As such, do not let him know anything he doesn’t need to.” – which was easy for Dorothea to do because she avoided talking with him at any cost. She hated that he held a metaphorical dagger to Edie’s neck, continuing to support her politically, but pointedly able to withdraw that support at any time, which would then leave Edie’s position on the throne suddenly very precarious.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But other than the threat posed by Arundel and Cornelia, Dorothea had to admit that life was going very well. Since Edie’s birthday and the realization that their enemies already knew enough about Dorothea to make secrecy pointless, Edie and Dorothea were finally able to make their relationship... if not quite public, at least close. Certainly, all their friends knew, and when they were among them, Dorothea was able to hold Edie’s hand or even cuddle with her, if socially appropriate. And if Dorothea judged it socially appropriate more often than Edie did, well, the emperor always seemed to find it in her heart to forgive her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I would like to acknowledge you in a more formal way,” Edie had said once, when they were alone. “The other nobles think of you as my personal courtesan.” She grimaced to say it. “I want everyone to know the depth of the love I feel for you. But... unfortunately, my value as a marriage partner is too high, and certain nobles must believe that they have a chance to attain power by marrying their son to me. Not that I have </span>
  <em>
    <span>any</span>
  </em>
  <span> intention of doing any such thing, of course. I promise you that, Dorothea. But the illusion is enough for me to keep hold of several reluctant allies, at least for a while.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I understand,” Dorothea had replied. The sadness in her was a selfish sadness, she told herself; she needed to support Edie in this. “And don’t worry. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> know the depth of the love you feel for me, and that’s good enough for me. For now.” And then she had pulled Edie into a kiss.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Another welcome development was the arrest of Lord Vilfried. Immediately after Edie published her proclamation allowing commoners to bear witness against nobles, he fled Enbarr. Edie sought Manuela’s help, and they soon discovered no small number of women who were willing to attest to the man’s awful crimes. A few days later, Lady Varley announced that she had apprehended him in her territory, and sent him back to Enbarr to stand trial. In the end, Dorothea’s testimony was just one small part of the avalanche that buried the man forever. Dorothea did not ask how the man was sentenced. She did not care. She was just grateful that Edie had seen to it that he would not be able to harm anyone again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorothea waited with Edie in one of the sitting rooms in the palace. The room was not as ornately decorated as some, but it was comfortable: the room included a large couch that the two of them were sitting on, facing a small table where tea and cakes were waiting. But the real reason the room had been chosen was that it was deep in Edie’s apartments, with no windows – the perfect place to meet someone with no chance of being overheard. It didn’t hurt to take precautions when it came to discussions concerning </span>
  <em>
    <span>them</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The few times Edie had met with her uncle in private, their confrontations were... tense. Lord Arundel would make vague comments that could be interpreted as threats, and Edie would respond with her usual defiance... although she always took care to mix in what she thought was an appropriate amount of despair, too, to create the impression that she felt there was nothing she could do to fight his influence. In truth, however, it was all an act. Since that day with Cornelia, both Edie and Hubie had resolved, privately, to do whatever they could to gain the upper hand on the shadowy figures that would place strings upon her. Hubie, in particular, considered it his greatest responsibility.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Hubie was almost shaking, his fists clenched. “Lady Edelgard,” he said, his voice its usual soft monotone, but backed by a ferocity matched by that in his shining pale eyes. “For two decades I have been raised to be the Minister of the Imperial Household. My father, wretch that he was, saw to it that I was ready to step into the role. What was all that training for, if not for to eliminate these foul creatures who would threaten you in the dark?” His lips twisted into a grin. “Leave them to me. They will learn that it is House Vestra, not some foul interlopers, who rule the shadows of the Empire. I swear to you, Lady Edelgard, I </span>
  </em>
  <span>will</span>
  <em>
    <span> rid you of them permanently.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorothea’s memories were interrupted as the door opened, and a figure wearing a black cloak and a cowl covering her face entered the room. Dorothea tensed a bit, her hand fingering one of her knives, just in case. But as soon as the figure closed the door, she raised her hands to her head, pushing the cowl back and revealing a youthful face with silver hair and pale, rose-coloured eyes. Lysithea von Ordelia.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edie rose in a smooth motion and met Lysithea as she stood just inside the door. Edie clasped the younger woman’s hands. “It is very good to see you again, Lysithea,” she said, her voice warm. “Thank you for travelling all the way to Enbarr.” She shook her head suddenly, raising a hand to her forehead in annoyance. “You’ve grown, haven’t you? You’ll be taller than me soon, at this rate.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That sounds strangely like criticism,” Lysithea said, her voice confidently assertive, as it so often was. “Quite unwarranted, since it is something I can’t control.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t mind Edie,” said Dorothea, getting up herself. “Our little emperor is a bit insecure about her height.” She rubbed Edie’s shoulders, and looked over her head at Lysithea, who gave a hint of a smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not a joking matter.” Edie’s voice was quite serious, and as she continued, she took on what was almost a lecturing tone. “There is a tendency for people to view taller individuals as more naturally worthy of leadership. While any rational thought will reveal this thought as preposterous, it is nonetheless a traditional prejudice which I have to face, and...” She stopped. “I’m sorry, now is not the time for this.” Her voice became warmer again. “Lysithea, I really am glad you came. Please, have a seat.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They all took their seats: Edie and Dorothea on the couch, and Lysithea in an armchair across from them. The younger woman removed her cloak, revealing a blue and grey riding dress, stained from travel; clearly, she had come straight to the palace upon arriving in Enbarr. At her side was a satchel, which she placed carefully on the floor beside her chair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Perhaps as a way of apology, Edie poured the tea. “Please, help yourself to the cakes. They’re a bit sweet for my taste, but I thought you might like them.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I am personally unconvinced that something can be </span>
  <em>
    <span>too</span>
  </em>
  <span> sweet,” said Lysithea, an amused look on her face as she stirred a very generous spoon of sugar into her tea. “It is very good to see both of you. I shall tell you what I have learned from my investigation, and we can move on to more pleasant conversation topics afterward.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She reached into her satchel and pulled out what appeared to be a large file stuffed full of paper. “As you know, Tomas originally came to Garreg Mach at the recommendation of House Ordelia. Nearly a decade ago, he retired from his post as librarian, then returned to Ordelia territory. Two years ago, he came out of retirement and returned to Garreg Mach, and later revealed himself as a member of that group which performed those wicked experiments, claiming the name Solon.” She leaned forward, leaning her face on her hands. “Here’s the thing, though: I never saw Tomas in Ordelia territory when I was growing up, and neither did my parents. So I began my search there.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Carefully, I hope.” Concern filled Edie’s voice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Naturally. I’m not a child, you know.” Lysithea crossed her arms, annoyance streaking across her face briefly. “When Tomas retired, I thought he would have left an address at which he could be found, in case his successor had questions. However, his successor died – that’s what prompted the Church to ask Tomas to come out of retirement – and I could find no records in the library. I suspect they may have been destroyed by ‘Tomas’ himself when he returned to the post.” The quotation marks were audible around the man’s name. “But I didn’t give up. I suspected he might have left this information with the monastery administration as well... it took me several days of combing through Seteth’s files, but I found it. I returned to Ordelia territory, and learned that Tomas had last been seen around seven years ago. Shortly before his disappearance, neighbours reported that they had seen a number of strange visitors. The information I gathered on them is in the first section of this file.” A satisfied smile crept over her face. “We hardly needed confirmation at this point, but one of them fits your uncle’s description.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edie nodded. “Still, that concerns me. Tomas disappeared for several years before returning to Garreg Mach. What was he doing during that time?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wonder?” Lysithea looked pensive. “Was Tomas a convenient identity for Solon to take once the former librarian was dead? Or was Solon always Tomas?” Lysithea leaned forward again. “Tomas’s house had been partly burned down, but I investigated the remains. In what was once the kitchen, there was a large, old bloodstain. Perhaps it belonged to the original Tomas.” She shook her head. “Or perhaps he was already Solon even then, and the blood belonged to a victim of one of his foul experiments. I doubt we’ll ever know. But it gave me leads, regardless.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edie reached across the table and patted Lysithea’s hand. “You did amazingly well, Lysithea. You should be proud.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, don’t praise me yet.” The young woman looked almost smug. “The other lead I had proved even more fruitful. I’m speaking, of course, of the ones who did the experiments on me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Experiments on her?</span>
  </em>
  <span> thought Dorothea. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Did she mean...?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t remember much about them, but my parents are another matter. Mother and Father did not want to talk about it, but I was insistent. I got them to tell me everything they knew, every name or face they remembered. I won’t bore you with the details. Some of the relevant people turned out to still be in Ordelia territory, and I tracked them down, too. Those I deemed safe to pursue with questions, I did, getting more names. It ended up being quite a bit, as you can see. All the information I collected... that makes up the rest of this file.” Her eyes glittered as she carefully placed it on the table, safely away from the tea. “They are from all over Fodlan. The Alliance actually had the fewest – surprising, given where this was – and quite a number seem to be from the Empire.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edie nodded. “That’s no surprise. My uncle will have gathered people around him. Or perhaps his predecessor in their organization.” She reached and picked up the file, and looked through it with a reverent look on her face. Dorothea peeked over Edie’s shoulder, seeing page after page of meticulously organized notes with perfect hand-writing. </span>
  <em>
    <span>How very like Lysithea</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she mused with admiration.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edie placed the file carefully to her side, then walked around the table and gave the sitting Lysithea a hug. “You’re amazing, Lysithea.” She stepped back. “You have no idea how much Hubert has wanted something like this. I promise you, your hard work will not be wasted. We will unmask these people and put an end to their organization. We </span>
  <em>
    <span>will</span>
  </em>
  <span> make sure that nobody else has to suffer like the two of us have.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There it was again. This time, Dorothea spoke up, tentatively. “Like the two of you...?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edie whirled to face her, alarm in her eyes as they flitted between her and Lysithea.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s okay, Edelgard.” Lysithea spoke calmly, but there was an intensity in her rose eyes. “Go ahead and tell her.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edie nodded, recapturing her usual calm. She turned to Dorothea. “Lysithea was subjected to the same experiments as me. With the same effects.” Her voice became a whisper. “And the same sacrifices.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorothea felt the blood drain from her face. She would never forget that night when Edie had first confided in her the gruesome level of loss she had suffered. To hear that it was not an isolated case... she turned to Lysithea. “Then... your siblings...” she managed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lysithea stared straight at her, and said only one word. “Yes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry,” said Dorothea. “I had no idea.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not like it’s some sort of secret.” Lysithea’s voice was a bit testy. “It doesn’t matter to me if you know or not. It happened, and I’ve done my best to deal with it.” She gave a half smile, eying the file which Edie had left on the couch. “And I like to think I’m doing my part to get back at them, and make sure they won’t hurt anyone else. But anyway, let’s not talk about that any more, okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edie sat back down, and the three of them sipped their tea quietly for a few minutes. Dorothea felt a bit awkward in the silence. Worry gnawed at her that it was her fault, drawing attention to that unpleasant subject like that. But Edie was often happy to sit quietly, she supposed, and Lysithea seemed the same. Both women had contented looks on their faces as they enjoyed their tea. </span>
  <em>
    <span>They really are rather alike</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Their hair, their eyes, their height. Neither suffered fools, and both accepted the trauma they had suffered and used it to strengthen their resolve. Dorothea wanted to shake her head. She wasn’t sure how they managed it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>If Edie ever learned the true depth of what I had suffered, I don’t know that I could bear it.</span>
  </em>
  <span> She felt ashamed at the thought, as if what she had suffered was anything near as bad as what the other two women had. As if it weren’t Dorothea’s choice, and as if she weren’t benefitting from it now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Finally, Lysithea broke the silence, banishing Dorothea’s dark thoughts. “I guess the rumours are true then. The two of you are in a romantic partnership.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorothea almost spat out her tea at the younger woman’s sudden and rather clinical statement. It was Edie who spoke, though. “What makes you say that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lysithea rolled her eyes. “You’re holding hands </span>
  <em>
    <span>right now</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Dorothea and Edie glanced down at their hands in unison, then at each other, realizing she was right. They both smiled. Lysithea looked amused. “Congratulations, by the way. Especially to you, Edelgard. I remember how, less than a year ago, you said you thought you’d always be alone, because of your body. I remember how much that bothered you. Glad to see you were wrong.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edie blushed, looking a bit embarrassed. “Me too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorothea poked her lover in the ribs, gently. “Take a note of this day, Lysithea. Edie just admitted she was wrong about something.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Very funny,” Edie deadpanned, but a smile cracked her face as she spoke. “I’m very glad I was wrong, this time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorothea giggled, then turned to Lysithea. A grin broke out on her face; she wondered if it looked as wicked as she felt. “Lysithea, a word of advice, as an older woman to a younger one. Don’t be like this dummy.” She poked Edie again. “You wouldn’t believe how much she </span>
  <em>
    <span>tried</span>
  </em>
  <span> to push me away and ensure she would be alone forever. You’re smarter than that. So if you find that special someone and you want to be with them, you’d better go for it!” She crossed her arms. “And if someone says cruel things about you because of things you can’t control, you just let me know. I’ll hurt them for you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lysithea stared at her, her face unreadable. Had Dorothea gone too far, she wondered? Then Lysithea giggled. “I appreciate the sentiment, Dorothea. Right now, I have far too much going on in my life to consider such things. But, if I ever change my mind, I promise I will remember your words. Actually, I am rather encouraged by them... and also by seeing how happy the two of you are together. ” She grabbed another cake.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edie cleared her throat. “Are you done making fun of me, </span>
  <em>
    <span>my love</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” She shook her head. “I suppose it’s nothing I don’t deserve. Lysithea, I second all of my better half’s words, even if she is being quite inconsiderate of my feelings.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lysithea cocked her head, looking at the two of them in amusement. “On second thought, maybe a relationship is more complicated than it’s worth.” She paused. “That was a joke, by the way.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dorothea gave Edie a hug. “It can be complicated at times, but believe me, it’s worth it.” She gave Edie a kiss on the cheek.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t trade what we have for the world.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Visits</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p></p><blockquote>
  <p>“Honestly, everything is wonderful between us. I feel incredibly fortunate to have her. I want to live my entire life at her side.” Edelgard clutched a hand to her chest, over her heart. “She is so... wonderfully understanding of me, so supportive. Honestly? My biggest fear is I don’t do enough to show how much I appreciate her. I worry that she feels I take her granted. And... most of all, I worry that maybe I do take her for granted, a little.” She shook her head. “I apologize. You didn’t travel all this way so that I could unburden myself upon you.”</p>
</blockquote>Taking an evening alone to catch up with her work, Edelgard receives two visitors, and recalls another memorable one from her past. She reflects on her relationships with both of them, and of course with Dorothea, as she considers what is to come next between the two of them.
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Chapter 22</b>
</p><p>
  <span>~Ethereal Moon (month 12)~</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The coffee was bitter. It was supposed to be that way, Hubert had claimed. Edelgard didn’t understand the appeal. But, she did appreciate its ability to give her that extra boost of energy she needed this evening, as she pored over page after page of numbers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was sitting in her study, a blanket wrapped around her, looking over the palace’s accounts. Perhaps it was not strictly necessary – the palace had an accountant, after all – but trust did not come easily to Edelgard, and there was no harm in checking over the accountant’s work. Just to be sure. She had chosen this evening to do this monotonous task because Dorothea was away; lovely though the woman was, she could be... distracting. Particularly when she felt that Edelgard was doing work that she deemed unnecessary. Edelgard smiled. Her lover’s distractions were certainly not unwelcome, but sometimes it was nice to power through a task alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edelgard wondered how Dorothea was doing. At Edelgard’s encouragement, Dorothea had gone out with some of her old friends this evening. It was good that she had such friends, Edelgard reflected – they gave her the chance to escape from the demanding and dangerous job of being the emperor’s bodyguard, and all that stress that came with that. And, Edelgard reflected with a rueful smile, having other friends probably gave Dorothea a chance to vent about her. Edelgard wanted to be a good partner, but she knew she must be difficult to deal with at times. She was dedicated to her work above all, and she was painfully aware that she was not nearly as good at giving thoughtful gifts as Dorothea was. She was just glad that Dorothea loved her anyway. She sipped her coffee, clasping the mug in both hands to ward away winter’s chill.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a rapid knock at the door; Hubert’s distinct signature. The rituals they had adopted when both were young had not changed; as she called for him to enter, Edelgard quickly put down her coffee and one hand went by instinct to her knife. He opened the door and closed it quietly, bowing to her as she rose to her feet. As she met his eyes, Edelgard could see that he was smiling. His was nothing like the wide, beaming smiles that Dorothea gave her: just the faintest twist of the lips, the faintest sparkle in his pale eyes. But Edelgard had learned to recognize those over the years.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good news, I take it?” she said. There was no need for a long preamble with the two of them; she found that relieving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Quite.” The gleam never left Hubert’s eye. “I have discovered two spies in our midst. I am nearly certain that both are working for </span>
  <em>
    <span>those</span>
  </em>
  <span> people.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A spy discovered was a tool that could be used; Lord Vestra himself had explained that to her when she was young. She had learned to despise Hubert’s father thereafter, but his advice remained sound. His son continued, “One I could believe I was meant to discover. An administrative clerk, but when I dug through his references, well... for one of my training, it was almost </span>
  <em>
    <span>too</span>
  </em>
  <span> easy to discover a few lies and trace some connections to Lord Arundel. I discovered this weeks ago, but I knew there had to be more. And today I’ve confirmed another.” He shook his head, and his voice filled with admiration. “The second spy’s story led me on a merry chase. At several points I was almost convinced I was barking up the wrong tree, but I persisted, and now I am certain. They tried to hide it </span>
  <em>
    <span>very</span>
  </em>
  <span> well, but she had too many connections with Lysithea’s list I can no longer believe it a coincidence.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edelgard resisted the urge to clap her hands. “Well </span>
  <em>
    <span>done</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Hubert. Who is this second spy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hubert looked awkward for the first time. “I regret to inform you that she is your lead hairdresser, Your Majesty.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edelgard sucked in a difficult breath. She knew before Hubert asked her; they would have to keep that woman on. Meaning that Edelgard would have to deal with one of </span>
  <em>
    <span>them</span>
  </em>
  <span> touching her for the foreseeable future. “Unfortunate,” was all she said. “But we have to use what we have been given.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I apologize, Your Majesty. I wish this was a burden I could bear.” A smile returned to his face. “For now, I propose we decide what we should reveal in front of our first spy. We should let Lord Arundel think us overconfident, let him think that we believe we have unmasked his only tool. And then when we reveal different things to his better-hidden one...” Hubert let out a dry, satisfied laugh. “It may be years before we can take advantage of this, Lady Edelgard. But it shall be a glorious day when we do. I promise you that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked almost radiant as he spoke, for all that he probably wouldn’t appreciate Edelgard saying so. For a moment she felt like she was close to tears of joy. That would never do. “Oh, Hubert.” On impulse, she threw her arms around him in a hug. “Thank you. You’ve done so much for me... I don’t know what I would do without you.” And, against her will, the tears did start.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hubert stood there awkwardly, not moving to return the hug. But nor did he push her away. He clearly did not know how to respond to the situation. When was the last time she had hugged him? She was not prone to such displays, normally, not with him. She hadn’t hugged him, she thought, since... that time.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Edelgard sat on a bench in the Enbarr gardens, holding her head in her hands. She had believed that when she was released from the dungeons, the nightmare would finally be over. What a fool she was. Her brothers and sisters were dead. Her father was a puppet. Her body was wracked with pain; between that and the nightmares, it was a wonder she got any sleep at all. In the gardens, open to the outside air, she got a little relief, but it was not enough. Not on days like today, when she just wanted to curl up in a ball. Almost, she wished had not survived the ordeal. Almost.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She heard the sound of footsteps approaching, and looked up. It was a boy, tall and gangly, with black hair that was in desperate need of combing.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Lady Edelgard,” came his voice. Low but lacking confidence, it seemed to almost crack as it voiced her name. “Father said you were finally up and about, but the news seemed almost too wonderful to be true. It is... so good to see you again.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She recognized that voice, she realized. It was a bit deeper than when they had last met, and its owner had grown like a weed, too; they had once been close in height. Clearly, that was no longer the case. “... Hubert? Hubert, is that you?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The boy bowed. “I am glad you recognize me. I was told the illness may have damaged your memory.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Edelgard looked away, fixing her gaze on a single red flower, trying to remain calm. The illness. They called what had happened to her and her family an </span>
  </em>
  <span>illness</span>
  <em>
    <span>. What </span>
  </em>
  <span>they had done. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Edelgard felt rage flow through her; she wanted to scream. Somehow, she managed to avoid doing so. It was not Hubert’s fault.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She forced herself to meet his eyes. “I am glad to see you too, Hubert. It has been too long. Over three years, now.” She paused and considered for a moment. “Three years, six months, and nine days, I believe.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hubert paused and looked to the sky; Edelgard could almost see him calculating. Then he nodded and smiled shyly. “It seems your memory is not an issue after all.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He was wrong about that. Edelgard’s memories of her time in exile were very fuzzy, and the months since her return were a horrible tapestry of disjointed memories that she wished she could bury forever. But she would never forget the day, shortly after her ninth birthday, when her uncle had whisked her away from her father, her siblings, and her friends. In many ways that day was the beginning of the miserable life she now lived.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She had not responded, so Hubert spoke up again, a bit awkwardly. “You have no idea how happy I am to see you. When I was told that only one of the siblings survived, I prayed to the goddess that it was you.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Don’t mention the goddess around me,” she snapped. She felt a prickling in her eyes. “At least one of us is happy that the survivor was me.” She cast her eyes down to the ground. She did not want him to see her tears.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Happiness is just one of the emotions I feel right now. Relief that you survived. Sorrow for your loss. ... Shame, for the fact that my poorly chosen words made you feel bad.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Despite herself, she laughed. It was the sort of funny thing he would say as a child, too. “I guess I can’t fool you.” She looked up at him. “But please don’t feel shame on my account. My own sadness is quite enough for me to handle, I won’t be responsible for yours.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hubert stuck his hands in his pockets and looked at her awkwardly. His voice was hesitant as well. “I’m afraid I’m not much good at condolences. But if there’s anything I can do to help...” He trailed off.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Nobody can help me. I’m trapped. Powerless. </span>
  <em>
    <span>She bit back the words. She realized her hand was gripping her knife. They had let her keep that. A testament to how much they didn’t fear her.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Lady Edelgard? You are... shaking.” Hubert’s voice cracked again, betraying his concern. “Is it the illness?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Not an illness,” Edelgard hissed. “There was never an illness. </span>
  </em>
  <span>They</span>
  <em>
    <span> did this to me.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hubert stared at her.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“They took my innocence. They took my siblings’ lives. And they dare blame an </span>
  </em>
  <span>illness</span>
  <em>
    <span>?” Her voice rose to almost a scream.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Lady Edelgard!” Hubert’s voice carried alarm, but it was a loud whisper. “Please, not another word!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Does it make you uncomfortable, to hear the truth?” She could tell him more, she thought grimly. Did he realize that his own father...?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“No!” Hubert held out his hands, palms forward. “I would never doubt you. But whoever </span>
  </em>
  <span>they</span>
  <em>
    <span> are, they will punish you if they found out you spoke about this openly. Please, Lady Edelgard, you must not speak about this so casually again!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I... I...” Edelgard felt her lip trembling. She did not care about any punishment... but they could still punish her father. That was what the Prime Minister had said. “You’re right, of course. I’m... sorry.” She buried her face in her hands and sobbed.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She was aware of Hubert’s arms around her. It was a tentative hug, as if he would rather be doing anything else, but a hug nonetheless. She returned it, wrapping her arms around him, tightly. His lean body was surprisingly firm and strong; it was... comforting. “Forgive me. I’m embarrassed that you are seeing me this way.” She pushed out the words, meaning every one of them. She </span>
  </em>
  <span>hated</span>
  <em>
    <span> crying. It solved nothing!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“There is nothing to forgive,” came Hubert’s voice. “Lady Edelgard, I am... deeply moved that you have shared your burdens with me.” She looked up at him. He had not removed his arms from around her, nor she from around him. “I am your future Minister of the Imperial Household. It is my duty to support you, whatever difficulties you may face.” A fire seemed to kindle in his pale green eyes. “And I swear to you, Lady Edelgard, I will help you get revenge.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>For a long while, she looked at him, as thoughts ran through her brain. Revenge. Seeing her uncle and the others suffer, as she had, paying back cruelty with cruelty. Did she want that? Would that make her feel better?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>An answer came to her. She had never felt more certain of anything in her life. “I will be counting on your support, Hubert,” she said, finally. “But my goal is not revenge. Instead... I want to build a world where my suffering shall not be repeated.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edelgard heard the footsteps approaching the door before the knock came. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Dorothea?</span>
  </em>
  <span> No, the distinct knock announced Hubert. It wasn’t like him to pay her two visits in such quick succession. Was something wrong?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hubert did not step into the room as she opened the door. “I’m sorry to interrupt you again, Your Majesty. But a visitor has arrived. I know it is late, but would you be willing to receive one at this hour?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edelgard felt a pit forming in her stomach. A visitor at this hour likely meant bad news. From Garreg Mach? From Aegir territory? Well, there was no use putting it off. She waved her arm, projecting command and confidence in her voice. “Send them in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a few nervous moments of waiting, Edelgard saw the door open again. A woman stepped into the room, and Edelgard’s eyes were drawn immediately to her outfit. It was a patchwork of furs and fabrics, many of which Edelgard did not recognize, and of so many different colours: greens and yellow, oranges and browns. The dark-skinned woman wearing it looked very familiar: she was from Brigid, of course; the clothing already marked her as such. But the hair was done up in a series of elaborate braids, so it took her a moment to recognize... “Petra?” Edelgard could hardly keep the incredulity from her voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Petra raised her hand to her lips, probably to stifle a chuckle. “I am happy to be seeing you again, Edelgard. And I am having amusement that you needed time to recognize me. I am happy to be wearing the clothing of my own people again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It certainly suits you well.” An understatement; Edelgard thought the other woman looked absolutely stunning. “It is wonderful to see you again. I assume you just arrived in Enbarr this evening?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” said Petra. “But I was wanting to see you immediately. I have heard Linhardt and Caspar are here as well. And Dorothea is also.” She smiled a knowing smile at that. “And of course I have already seen Hubert. It is good to see friends again.” She stroked one of her bare forearms, and looked a bit uncomfortable. “It is less good to be back in Fodlan winter. Your cold gives me great discomfort.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edelgard hoped Petra would never have to endure a winter in the Kingdom. Her memories of that time might be hazy, but she remembered the bitter cold well. “It is warmer here than Garreg Mach, at least.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is true!” Petra smiled. “My apologies, for my complaining. You will be wanting to hear about my news.” And without warning, she sat down on the carpeted floor of Edelgard’s study, crossing her legs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edelgard thought Petra’s sitting position looked rather uncomfortable, and she said as much, offering her a chair. But Petra laughed and made some comment about how it was so strange that the people of Fodlan preferred a hard wooden chair to the simple, soft ground. Edelgard decided not to argue the point, and simply got her own chair and sat in it, facing Petra.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Petra tilted her face down. “I am asking your forgiveness, Edelgard. I was not able to convince the elders of Brigid to support the Empire. The war with the Empire is too recent; many find forgiveness hard.” She looked up, a determined look on her face. “But do not fear that they will support the Church. They know the Church cannot guarantee an independent Brigid. Only you can. And they have no trust for the religion of Fodlan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is good news, really.” Edelgard smiled at Petra. “I was not expecting any more.” Immediately she wished she hadn’t said that; </span>
  <em>
    <span>Petra</span>
  </em>
  <span> would have certainly expected more of herself. But it was a simple reality; the differences between the Empire and Brigid would not be easily mended. It would require deft political negotiation to turn them from a former vassal state into a willing friend. There was no need to rush the result, though... not until Edelgard was ready to take the war to the Kingdom. Which likely would not be for some time yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But, as you see, I have returned; and I will be lending you my strength. I have brought a small group of loyal Brigid warriors with me. I hope you will make use of our power, Edelgard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edelgard nodded. “Not for a while, I think, but I thank you deeply.” Still seated, she made a slight bow in thanks. “Your friendship means a lot to me, Petra.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A proud look took over Petra’s face. “And yours means a lot to me, Edelgard. Having friends is a good thing. Which is reminding me. I am surprised that I am not seeing Dorothea here. Is all well between you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edelgard closed her eyes for a moment. She knew her own feelings, but sharing them had never come easily. Could she tell Petra? She and Petra had gotten along well, had pushed each other to excel in the Academy, and saw eye to eye about the challenges facing the world. Yet she had always thought of the woman as more Dorothea’s friend than hers. Edelgard barely had friends, aside from Dorothea and Hubert. So she wasn’t sure if she could share an honest answer with Petra.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But one tumbled out anyway. “Honestly, everything is wonderful between us. I feel incredibly fortunate to have her. I want to live my entire life at her side.” She clutched a hand to her chest, over her heart. “She is so... wonderfully understanding of me, so supportive. Honestly, Petra? My biggest fear is I don’t do enough to show how much I appreciate her. I worry that she feels I take her granted. And... most of all, I worry that maybe I do take her for granted, a little.” She shook her head. “I apologize. You didn’t travel all this way so that I could unburden myself upon you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Petra raised a hand to her chin. She maintained a serious expression, but her eyes betrayed her laughter. Edelgard wasn’t sure what was funny. “There is no need for your apology. And there is also no need for your worry, I think. Actually...” She looked to the side. “You must not be repeating this to Dorothea, but Dorothea said almost the same things in her letters to me. So I do not think you have cause for concern.” And finally a big, jovial smile broke out on her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She writes you? I didn’t realize.” Edelgard fought back the embarrassment that she had never thought to write Petra herself. Despite what Petra had said, Dorothea was </span>
  <em>
    <span>definitely</span>
  </em>
  <span> the more thoughtful of the two of them, Edelgard reflected ruefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She writes me about very much, but she has nothing but good words for you. I think you are wonderfully happy together.” The smile never left her face “So when are you going to... what is the word... ah, yes. When are you going to marry?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edelgard blinked. “We are both women, Petra. I’m not sure how it works in Brigid, but in Fodlan, a woman can only marry a man.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Petra looked at Edelgard as if she had just announced that grass was purple. “I have confusion. Fodlan customs are not making sense to me. You are mates, and you have already said you want to live with her for all your life. Neither of you has doubts, and your love has lasted long so that it can not be a... is the word ‘crush’? So you should marry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edelgard shook her head. “Again, Petra, we can’t. That’s not a Fodlan tradition.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Petra cocked her head. “It is a Fodlan tradition to pay respect to the goddess and her church. It is a Fodlan tradition to have nobles who do not work because they have a crest.” She crossed her arms. “I did not think you had caring for traditions, Edelgard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edelgard looked at her, and blinked. What Petra was saying was radical, but... she was also right, wasn’t she? Why hadn’t Edelgard thought of that herself? “Thank you, Petra. You have given me a lot to think about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then I will be leaving you to your thinking.” Petra made a bow. “The day has been very long, and I have much tiredness from travel. Hubert has with kindness given me a room, so I shall be taking sleep there.” Petra reached for the door, and Edelgard acknowledged her friend with a smile and nod of her head as Petra departed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Turning back to her work, Edelgard took another sip of her coffee and realized it was cold. Her face twisted in a grimace. As if its taste wasn’t bad enough when it was hot! But now was not the time to complain about such things. She eyed her coffee cup, thinking about what Petra had said. Dare she take Petra’s advice?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She laughed to herself, quietly. After all the traditions she had dared to challenge already, could she live with herself if she did not?</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. The Answer</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p></p><blockquote>
  <p>“They... they installed a plaque commemorating his generous donation in the opera house, afterwards. Do you know how painful it was, for me to look at that every day? Knowing that the money was not given out of some high-minded love of the arts, but instead to purchase my body? A permanent monument to my shame, engraved in brass with a thin rim of gold.”</p>
</blockquote>Dorothea finally works up the courage to open up to Edelgard about some events from her past which haunt her. Edelgard's response is not what she is expecting.
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Content warning: this chapter deals with exploitation of a minor</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Chapter 23: The Answer</b>
</p><p>
  <span>~Great Tree Moon (month 4)~</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dorothea lay on her left side in their bed, feeling very much awake. Her eyes took in the darkened silhouettes of the palace’s master bedroom. The nighttime candles had long since burned out, and the only light that permeated the room was the dim amount of moonlight which made it through the curtains. Edie lay nestled against her back, one arm thrown around Dorothea’s side and a calloused hand gently pressing against her lower ribs, locking them into an embrace. Dorothea could feel the press of Edie’s body, could feel the rise and fall of her chest as she took the slow breaths of a sleep which had come to her quickly after their earlier lovemaking. It was a wonderful position to fall asleep, if Dorothea were in the mood to do so.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dorothea thought about what she wanted to say. She had put it off for too long, of course. There was always some good reason to put it off. Edie was too stressed with the work of being emperor, Edie had too many other things going on in her life, their anniversary was soon and it would be a shame to spoil that with something that might make Edie unhappy. Always Dorothea had a reason, and always it centred around Edie. It was as if some part of her wanted to make the delay Edie’s fault, and not her own. Well, enough was enough. She had made a promise to herself. The day after their anniversary, she would tell Edie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their anniversary had been beautiful, of course. A perfect day; they had stolen out to the countryside in secret and took a long walk through the forests north of Enbarr. Edie had even packed a picnic herself, and they had professed their love to one another so many times that Dorothea had lost count. Today, it had been back to work for the tireless emperor. Dorothea had wanted to bring the subject up with Edie in the afternoon, but Edie had been called to an emergency meeting with a messenger from Count Bergliez. Dorothea had wanted to talk to Edie after dinner, but the time had never seemed right. She had finally worked up the courage – maybe – and then Edie had given her one of </span>
  <em>
    <span>those</span>
  </em>
  <span> kisses, and that was the end of that. There was always a little more time. She had until the end of today, and today didn’t end until she fell asleep. And here she was, wide awake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shivered, even though Edie’s body warmth meant that cold was not the reason. She didn’t know what she should do. Wake Edie up? That seemed rude. But today was her deadline... if she broke this one, she did not think she would ever be able to tell Edie. And that would be bad. Her friend Simone, far wiser about this sort of thing, had agreed with her assessment: it was the type of thing which would be far worse for Edie to learn on her own; better she hear about it from Dorothea. Petra, without knowing the full details of Dorothea’s secret, had echoed Simone’s thoughts: </span>
  <em>
    <span>“If you are thinking you should be telling Edelgard, then you should be telling Edelgard. You are no coward, Dorothea. You will be facing this battle.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Dorothea smiled to remember her friend’s simple advice; she had made it sound so easy. It had stopped being easy the moment Dorothea and Edie were next alone together. Dorothea had a great amount of respect for Petra’s intelligence and wisdom both, but she was not sure she agreed with her friend’s assessment of Dorothea’s own bravery. She shivered again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay, Dorothea?” A sleepy voice spoke behind her. “You’re shaking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I...” Dorothea fought the urge to say she was fine. The lie was seductive; only with great difficulty did she push it aside. “I’m scared, Edie. Because there’s something I want to tell you, but I’m... afraid.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Afraid you won’t love me any more if I do.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Edie gave her a squeeze. “Is there something I did wrong? Please, Dorothea, speak freely with me. You know I want you to be happy. If there’s anything I can do better, please, you must let me know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no!” Dorothea spoke quickly, her voice almost a squeak. It was almost comical that Edie assumed the exact opposite of reality. Truly, Dorothea did not deserve this woman. She powered on. “It’s nothing to do with you. It’s about me. Something I’ve... never been able to tell you. But I don’t want to keep secrets from you. I just...” Her voice caught. She swallowed. “I just hope you’ll forgive me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edie’s arm stroked hers gently. “You forgave me for being an idiot and putting you in danger at the Holy Tomb. I suspect that whatever you did will be easier to forgive than that.” Her voice was bitter in a way Dorothea was not used to. Edie rarely spoke about that event; it had to still haunt her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dorothea took the plunge. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Where to begin? Probably... at the start</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. “It was the winter of six years ago. I was the young rising star of the Mittelfrank Opera Company, the Mystical Songstress. And I had many fans who absolutely adored me. Some adored me a bit too much. The other women taught me how to stay safe from the most unsavoury types, though. And before she left for Garreg Mach, Manuela paid for me to take self-defence and sword training, which saved me on more than one occasion. But... there are some things a sword can’t you save you from.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dorothea was aware that Edie was hugging her tightly, now. She had to suspect what was coming. But she didn’t tell Dorothea to stop, so Dorothea continued. “One night, after a show, the general director of the company approached me. She informed me that I was going to do the company a great service. A certain lord had agreed to make a </span>
  <em>
    <span>very</span>
  </em>
  <span> generous donation to the company, on one condition.” With one hand, she gripped her pillow, squeezing it tightly, as she squeezed the words from her mouth. “I was to spend the night with him. To do whatever he wanted. And I was told that, if I refused, or hurt him, or otherwise endangered his... </span>
  <em>
    <span>financial contribution</span>
  </em>
  <span>... I would be turned out of the company. She could make it happen, of course. I was a common girl and she was a noble; she could tell any number of lies to permanently disgrace me, and she would be believed. I’d be back on the streets, permanently.” Her nails wanted to punch through the pillowcase; she clenched her teeth so hard she was surprised they did not break. “So I... I did it. I did as she asked.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Dorothea.” Edie’s voice was heavy with some sort of emotion; disgust, probably. Dorothea prayed it was not directed at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They... they installed a plaque commemorating his generous donation in the opera house, afterwards. Do you know how painful it was, for me to look at that every day? Knowing that the money was not given out of some high-minded love of the arts, but instead to purchase my body? A permanent monument to my shame, engraved in brass with a thin rim of gold.” Dorothea felt hollow, remembering it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edie gave her a gentle squeeze. “That sounds so horrid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And...” She pushed herself to go on. It was easier, now that she had started. “That... was not the only time. On two other occasions, I was presented with the same choice. Those noblemen didn’t pay as much as the first, I learned.” She laughed, pinching her eyelids tightly together as she fought off the urge to sob instead. “Apparently I was worth more as a virgin.” Her mind went to what the discussions must have been like between the director and those men; she suppressed a shudder and changed the subject. “I remember... the director gave me some foul-tasting tea which she said would keep me from getting pregnant. And she said that if I became pregnant she’d kick me out of the company, too. The Mystical Songstress needed to maintain a pure image with the general public.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I... am pretty sure such concoctions don’t actually work,” came Edie’s voice behind her again. </span>
  <em>
    <span>That </span>
  </em>
  <span>was what she decided to comment on? No, she had no right to judge how Edie was processing this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, either way, I didn’t get pregnant.” She considered adding that one of the nobles hadn’t done anything that could have resulted in pregnancy; no, better not to, given what it implied about the others. “And I didn’t get kicked out of the opera. All I had to do was... was sully myself.” The last words came out as a sob. “I’m so sorry, Edie! I’m so... very... sorry.” And she let herself cry, felt her tears staining the pillow as she no longer made any effort to hold it in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was aware of Edie’s hand gently stroking her hair, of the other woman giving her soft kisses on her shoulder which she did not deserve. Only once the sobs subsided did Edie speak. “Dorothea, please look at me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dorothea sniffled. “I don’t want you to see me now.” She did not want to see Edie’s judging eyes looking down on the sorry creature she had had the misfortune to fall in love with.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dorothea, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” The emperor’s voice ached; it was somewhere between an emperor’s command and a beg. Reluctantly, Dorothea turned to face her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dorothea’s eyes had long since adjusted to the dim light, so Edie’s face was easy to make out. Her eyes were open wide, black pupils swollen to eat most of the pale irises which reflected what little light was in the room. The emperor stroked her cheek gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you apologizing, Dorothea?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dorothea’s eyes focused on the movement of Edie’s hand, to avoid looking at her directly. Why was the woman stroking her? Pity? “Because you deserved better than... than...” A whore. A plaything for nobles. A woman who had traded her dignity for prosperity. “... than me,” she finished, simply and sadly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you blaming yourself for this? Dorothea, six years ago, you were </span>
  <em>
    <span>fourteen</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Edie’s voice quavered just a little; the cold fury that she normally reserved for conversations about her enemies was evident. “I am angered beyond belief at the </span>
  <em>
    <span>adults</span>
  </em>
  <span> who abused you, but certainly not you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was old enough to know exactly what I was doing.” Dorothea’s voice sounded hollow even in her own ears. “And I had the choice to walk. This wasn’t like Vilfried. Nobody hurt me, or even threatened to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A choice?” Edie shook her head. “Dorothea, please... look at me again, my love.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was Edie mocking her, still calling her that? But Edie’s requests were powerful things; Dorothea looked back at the woman who claimed to love her. Edie’s eyes seemed almost to shine despite the dim light.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dorothea, I have never truly known what it is like to live on the streets. But when you described your experiences, they sounded horrible. To be threatened with having to go back there, and to face the dangers there, was no different than if you’d been threatened with a knife. I do not think less of you for making the only rational choice.” She shook her head. “My own nation. How vile.” She pounded the bed with her free hand. “To think that such exploitation was going on; we will have to find those responsible and… no. The root problem is that they could threaten you with poverty. We must strive to eliminate poverty itself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite herself, Dorothea smiled. Leave it to Edie to turn these horrible memories into a drive to make the world better. But the smile melted as she remembered what she had to say next.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Even if you think that I had no choice there, Edie...” She shook. Would this be the thing that finally broke Edie’s love for her? But... she </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> to go on, now. “I’m so sorry. There’s more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edie gave her a gentle kiss. “Go on if you wish, my love, but please don’t apologize. You’ve done nothing that merits an apology.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I...” Dorothea took a deep breath. “I hope you still think that in a moment. I need to tell you how I got into the Academy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edie said nothing, but continued to gently stroke Dorothea’s face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s easy for you nobles, but for us commoners... not only do we have to pass the entrance exams – which I did legitimately, I’ll have you know – but we can only get into Garreg Mach with the recommendation of a noble. </span>
  <em>
    <span>And</span>
  </em>
  <span> a fair bit of their money; they have to make a generous donation. I had a bit I could contribute, but nowhere near enough. The admission fee was more than I had earned in my life.” People were often surprised to learn even opera stars were not well off; the company made a lot of money, but shared precious little of that with the cast or crew. “But I had to get to Garreg Mach, I just had to.” She looked at Edie. “You know what I had to escape.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do,” said Edie simply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well... Edie, I... I knew how I could get both things I needed.” She closed her eyes, not wanting to look at Edie. “He was a big fan. A gentleman, with a reputation of being true to his word, and the crush he had on me... believe me, it was obvious. I told him what I needed, and I implied what I could offer him for it. You can guess how the rest played out.” She opened her eyes. “So there you have it, Edie. The real Dorothea Arnault.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edie’s expression was unreadable. For a long time – it seemed like an eternity to Dorothea, at least – she just lay there, looking at Dorothea with those big eyes of hers. Perhaps seeing her for the first time. Dorothea was painfully aware of the ticking of a clock, of her own pulse beating in her flushed cheeks. She closed her eyes again, and took a deep, ragged breath. She felt like a prisoner awaiting her sentence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dorothea, let me hug you. Please.” Edie’s voice was tentative. Dorothea snaked one arm under Edie’s left side, trying to avoid the old scar that lay there, as Edie’s own arms encircled her, and pulled her into a strong hug. One of Edie’s hands gently caressed her back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Edie gave a short, sad laugh. “To be honest, my love, I wish I knew what to say. I have never been in a situation like yours... I’ve never had to balance the need to exchange such things to get through my life.” She took a breath. “I’ve faced my own hardships, to be sure, but they’re so different from yours. I want to say the right thing to cheer you up, but I don’t know how. But.” She gave Dorothea a squeeze. “Please, my love, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span> do not blame yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you...” She had to know. She felt as if the words were trembling on my tongue. “Do you still love me?” She heard Edie suck in a breath in surprise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edie pulled away to look in Dorothea’s eyes again. “Of course!” She sounded... not quite indignant, but close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dorothea closed her eyes. “I’ve always felt nobody could ever truly love me. The real me. When I came to Garreg Mach, I hid those parts of my past which I was ashamed of, trusting that I’d find someone to fall for my pretty face and marry me before they could learn the ugly truth. I would find security, but not love. I was not worthy of love.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Slowly, but unrelentingly, Edie sat up, pulling Dorothea up with her, until they were sitting on the bed facing each other. “I know how that feels,” she whispered. She shook her head. “I’m sorry, I know it’s not precisely the same. But... for years, I thought nobody would ever love me. How could they? Not just my body, but what I had to do. I would be a villain for the good of the world, and spill the blood of innocents in the process. Who would love me? I did not deserve it.” She curled a finger in Dorothea’s hair, and slowly traced the finger down across Dorothea’s face. “But, I was wrong. And Dorothea, you are just as wrong to think your actions make you unlovable. Because I love you. I always will.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Edie... do you really mean that?” Part of her asked the question, but a greater part already knew the answer. She was suddenly aware of tears on her face. She felt her heart was about to burst, so strong were her feelings for this woman.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have laid your heart bare to me, my love,” Edie wore the most beautiful smile. “And I love you more than ever.” She looked away, a strange smile on her lips, then she turned back to face Dorothea. “Dorothea. My love. Let’s get married.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dorothea’s heart felt like it was going to leap out of her mouth. “You... you really mean that, don’t you? Oh my.” Her voice sounded almost faint in her own ears. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Can</span>
  </em>
  <span> we do that? I mean, setting aside that what you’re proposing is just not </span>
  <em>
    <span>done</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I thought there were political concerns.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“True, I will need to think on those. But let me deal with that issue, Dorothea. The only question is, would you like to marry me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“More than anything!” And it was Dorothea’s turn to embrace Edie in the tightest hug she could manage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edie laughed. “You weren’t the only one trying to work up the courage to talk about something, you know. I must admit, I had imagined a much more romantic occasion for a proposal. A better time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dorothea shook her head, feeling Edie’s hair rub against hers as she did. “I can’t imagine a better time. You’re the best, Edie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“On that point, we may have to agree to disagree,” said Edie, and chuckled. “You know, I don’t think I’m going to be able to sleep for quite a while, my love. Why don’t we get up, and I’ll prepare some tea.” She patted Dorothea’s shoulder. “And we’ll have a drink in honour of two foolish women, who love each other... and yes, deserve each other’s love.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm excited (and a bit sad) to announce that the next chapter will be the last in this particular work. To those of you who have stuck with the story, thank you so much for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. The Exciting Future in Store</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>“And even if you stumble over the words, or Hubie makes some inappropriately macabre jokes, or the cake gets carried off by a ravenous army of ants, it won’t matter. Today is about us, and the love we share.” She shook her head. “And nothing could possibly ruin that.”</p>
</blockquote>Five years after they first met, Edelgard and Dorothea are finally to be married. The day is a beautiful and memorable one, and the two look to a future together... one that, while happy, still promises to presents new challenges and difficult times ahead.
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>~Spring, Imperial Year 1185~</p>
<p>Edelgard took a deep breath as she looked at herself in the mirror. She pressed her hands over her stomach, smoothing the red dress she was wearing, and trying to control the butterflies she felt dancing inside her. It was such an important day; it had to be just perfect. <em>She</em> had to be just perfect, for her subjects, her friends, and for Dorothea most of all. She took another deep breath. <em>Their wedding</em>. Somehow, it didn’t seem real.</p>
<p>She heard the door into her dressing room open, and whirled to face it, aware of her long dress fluttering around her feet as she did. Fortunately, she managed to avoid tripping, as Dorothea pushed her head into the room, and then, with a radiant smile, slipped through the doorway and closed the door behind her.</p>
<p>Dorothea gave a quick clap and put her hands over her mouth. “Edie, you look <em>wonderful</em>. I’m so glad I decided to sneak a look now. If I had first beheld this vision of beauty at the ceremony, I’m afraid I might have made quite a fool of myself in front of everyone else.”</p>
<p>Edelgard blushed. “It is kind of you to say so, but we both know the real beauty here is you.” She was stating simple facts; she could already feel her mouth going dry as she looked at Dorothea. The taller woman wore a stunning gown of crimson slashed with burgundy and black; it was recognizably in the style of a wedding dress, but at the same time, the colours made it look very different. They had both agreed to wear primarily red, their shared favourite colour, but Dorothea had obviously drawn on her creative fashion-minded side for the rest of her dress’s design. A pair of emerald earrings adorned her ears, and her gorgeous brown hair was done up in an elaborate tower of curls.</p>
<p>Dorothea crossed her arms, her looks marred just a bit by one of those fake pouts she was fond of. “We’re not making this into a competition, my love. Today, let’s just say we can both be the most beautiful.” Her pout melted into another glorious smile, and she stepped forward, a diamond-studded slipper extending from the folds of her dress as she did. She stretched out her arms. “Now give me a hug, Your Majesty.” Her eyes sparkled a bit at that. “Carefully.”</p>
<p>Edelgard obliged, gently embracing the other woman and craning her neck to look up at her. Unlike Edelgard, Dorothea had already put on her heels; Edelgard felt <em>quite</em> diminutive at the moment. “I’m a little surprised to see you here,” she said, softly. “Some people say the bride and... the other bride...” She smiled at that. “... aren’t supposed to see each other before the wedding.”</p>
<p>Dorothea raised a finger to her face in a mocking gesture. Her voice was sweet, however. “Eh, I seem to recall waking up in the same bed as you this morning, Edie, so I’d say it’s too late for that. Besides, I wanted to check in on a certain little emperor to make sure she wasn’t stressing herself out about the day needing to be <em>just perfect</em>.” Edelgard tried to avoid wincing at that; Dorothea must have seen something, because she laughed. “I knew it!”</p>
<p>“I won’t lie and say I’m not worried.” Edelgard carefully leaned her head against Dorothea’s bare shoulder. She tried to do so gently, so as to not mess up her own hair.</p>
<p>“Everything will be fine, Edie.” The taller woman stroked Edelgard’s cheek. “I think if you could see yourself, you’d know it. We’re going to make everyone envious, trust me.” She pulled away, holding Edelgard’s shoulders and looking her in the eyes. “And even if you stumble over the words, or Hubie makes some inappropriately macabre jokes, or the cake gets carried off by a ravenous army of ants, it won’t matter. Today is about us, and the love we share.” She shook her head. “And nothing could possibly ruin that.”</p>
<p>Edelgard felt warmth flowing through her chest, and found herself at a loss for words. She bent slowly to kiss Dorothea’s hand, hoping that her bride-to-be did not notice the tears in her eyes.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“And so, by the authority vested in me by the Adrestian Empire, it is my great honour to perform this marriage today.”</p>
<p>Manuela stood with the two of them on the podium in the palace’s audience chamber. She was dressed in white robes which could easily have been mistaken for those worn by priests, although the emblems of Seiros were nowhere to be seen, replaced by the Adrestian eagle with the colours of the Ministry of Social Affairs (as the Ministry of Religious Affairs was now named). It had been Dorothea’s idea to have Manuela conduct the ceremony: it was in line with the woman’s many skills, and she was someone both of them knew and liked.</p>
<p>“If anyone present knows a reason why these two should not be married...” Manuela’s voice rang out clearly, echoing slightly in the grand hall. “Let them speak now.”</p>
<p>This was the part Edelgard had dreaded most, but they had dared not remove it. She swept her eyes across the room, trying to appear confident. She caught sight of her friends and took heart from their smiles. It was not them whose words she feared, nor those of the commoners present, but maybe some of the more conservative nobles... <em>The emperor cannot marry a commoner! A woman cannot marry another woman!</em></p>
<p>Those voices, mercifully, did not come.</p>
<p>The only voice Edelgard heard was Manuela’s. “Then, Your Majesty, would you speak your vows?”</p>
<p>Edelgard turned back to face Dorothea, and drank deeply of her shining green eyes. “Dorothea.” She knew the words she was to speak; Manuela had suggested writing them down on a small bit of paper, but she had wanted to memorize them. “For these past five years, you have been my dearest friend. You had faith in me when I lost faith in myself. You... convinced me that I deserved to be happy. Through your love, I became a better person. I love you dearly, and whatever life has in store for me, I want to share it with you.” She clasped her hands in front of her. “I vow to love you, cherish you, and protect you, come what may, for the rest of our days.”</p>
<p>The stunning smile on Dorothea’s face only seemed to grow more beautiful. She mouthed something quickly. <em>I love you</em>.</p>
<p>Manuela continued. “Dorothea, how do you respond?”</p>
<p>Dorothea reached out and took Edelgard’s hands in her own. A slight departure from the wedding protocol, but Edelgard felt her heart quicken at it anyway. “Edie... from the first day we met, you have always respected me. You cared for me deeply as a friend, and then more. You convinced me that I’d misjudged nobles.” She shook her head. “You convinced me that I’d misjudged myself. In you, I fell in love with someone who wanted to use her power to improve the lives of everyone. I fell in love with someone who sees the big picture, but always had time to love me as well. I wake up each morning thinking about how fortunate I am.” Dorothea did not hesitate over her words; her singing background served her well. “Thank you for making me the happiest woman in the world. I will follow you anywhere, Edelgard.” Her eyes sparkled, as she said the words that would seal them together. “I vow to love you, cherish you, and protect you, come what may, for the rest of our days.”</p>
<p>Edelgard was vaguely aware of the sound of someone crying. Multiple someones, she thought. But at that moment, all her focus was on Dorothea, and on Manuela’s voice. “Then, I declare the two of you married.”</p>
<p>Edelgard did not wait; she stepped forward confidently, threw her arms around the woman she loved, and brought her lips up to meet Dorothea’s. She closed her eyes and savoured the moment; the feel and taste of the woman who had married her. After a moment, they broke off, and she opened her eyes and beheld her wife. She was aware of cheering, and turned to look out across the audience chamber. She saw many who were politely clapping, but no small few were obviously sharing in the joy of the moment... none more than her friends. Caspar was whooping and pumping his fist in the air, Bernadetta had her hands clutched just below her chin and looked on the point of crying tears of joy, and even Linhardt looked very alert and had a rare, genuine smile on his face. And Hubert... if one did not know him well, they would think he was merely staring very intently at the ceiling, rather than trying very hard not to show the emotion written on his face and eyes.</p>
<p>With a pleased wave to the crowd which she hoped made her look more like a dignified emperor than a giddy girl, she took Dorothea’s hand and stepped down from the podium.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>They held the reception in the palace gardens. Edelgard and Dorothea took their leave of each other, difficult though that was, and mingled with the guests separately. Edelgard, having changed into her official emperor’s garb, took the time to greet and thank the various guests; most said very polite things back, some obviously unsure whether to give advice to a young bride or whether to be appropriately deferential.</p>
<p>Turning a corner in the garden, she caught sight of a pair of familiar faces. Petra was unmistakable in her colourful Brigid clothing; with a bright, feathered headdress, it was even more elaborate than her usual outfits, presumably intended for special events such as this. Ferdinand, by contrast, wore the most traditional black Fodlan suit imaginable, though Edelgard had to admit it did make him look very sharp. As they caught sight of her, Ferdinand raised his wine glass to her, and Petra inclined her head slightly.</p>
<p>Ferdinand spoke first. “Edelgard! Congratulations are in order. I will admit, that was a very lovely ceremony.” He smiled, closing his eyes as he shook his head.. “I do not think I will easily be able to have a better one from when I get married, but that will not stop me from trying.”</p>
<p>On any other day, such a comment might have annoyed Edelgard, but not today. “Ferdinand. I am very glad you were able to come. We have not seen each other enough, recently.”</p>
<p>“Well, I believe that is your fault, Edelgard, is it not?” Ferdinand looked amused. “Do not get me wrong. I am honoured that you have given me command of our front lines.”</p>
<p>Petra crossed her arms, a stern expression on her face. “It is a strange day for your Fodlan jokes,” She turned to Edelgard and smiled. “Ferdinand was just saying how happy he was to see your happiness.” She elbowed him. “He should be saying such words to you instead.” A big smile broke out on her face. “And I should be taking my own advice. Edelgard, it makes my heart great with joy to see you and Dorothea so happy.”</p>
<p>Edelgard took Petra’s hand. “Thank you, Petra. For that and... for everything. For giving us the idea to do this.” She giggled, just a bit.</p>
<p>Petra laughed. “Brigid’s gift to Fodlan.” She cocked her head. “It was good to be seeing a Fodlan wedding.”</p>
<p>Edelgard nodded, smiling herself. “Hopefully it will not be the last. Most of us are of an age where marriage is common. While I certainly do not want to see marriages done for purely political purposes, I wouldn’t be surprised if the wedding bells ring for a few more of us soon.” She turned to Ferdinand. “How about it, Ferdinand? Is there anyone you have your eye on, back at Garreg Mach? Or perhaps here?”</p>
<p>“A true noble does not reveal such mysteries,” said Ferdinand. Edelgard had no idea whether his coy smile meant that the answer was yes, or whether he was just trying to imply as much to impress her.</p>
<p>She looked past him, to the figure mostly hidden behind the rhododendron bushes. “And you, Hubert?” She let her voice carry just a bit. “You don’t have to skulk there, you know. Tell us, is there any romance in your life we should know about?”</p>
<p>Hubert walked out from behind the bushes. <em>How like him to try to keep an eye on me, even on this day!</em> “Me, Lady Edelgard? Don’t speak such nonsense.” He almost spat the words. “I don’t have time for such things. Besides, I can’t imagine anyone would be interested in someone like me.”</p>
<p>Edelgard sighed. “I once thought the same. I was wrong, as you are now.” She was aware of Petra and Ferdinand, their expressions unreadable; she carried on. “Tell me, Hubert, do I look happy today?”</p>
<p>Hubert’s green eyes glittered. “The happiest I can ever recall.”</p>
<p>Edelgard smiled, and closed her eyes. “Words cannot convey my appreciation for all you have done for me, Hubert. But... promise me that you will take some time for yourself. You deserve happiness as well.”</p>
<p>She opened her eyes, and was rewarded with the sight of Hubert arching an eyebrow at her. He cleared his throat. “I will... consider it.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>After leaving her friends, she ran into Counts Hevring and Bergliez, who wished her well and made some nostalgic comments about their own weddings. When the conversation somehow turned to an argument between the two of them over whether Bergliez had paid in full for some of Hevring’s prized thoroughbred horses, Edelgard excused herself, and moved to another part of the gardens.</p>
<p>As she rounded the corner, she caught sight of her wife, looking resplendent in her wedding dress. She had decided to keep wearing that for a bit longer, and Edelgard could hardly say she disapproved. Dorothea had her head bent in conversation with another woman as they both faced away from her.</p>
<p>“... really so happy for both of you. And good for Edelgard, for making it happen.” Lysithea’s voice was unmistakable.</p>
<p>“She was very worried that she might get some pushback from some of the more conservative nobles.” Dorothea’s voice was pitched more quietly, and Edelgard crept forward slightly to hear. “But so far, it hasn’t happened. I think Edie did a better job of selling people on it than she will admit.”</p>
<p>Lysithea’s head bobbed. “Tying it to anti-Seiros sentiment was quite effective, given the social climate in Adrestia at the moment. But personally, I like to think that good, solid, rational arguments won the day. I have no time for laws or conventions which clearly serve no useful purpose.”</p>
<p>Dorothea laughed. “You’re much like Edie in that way.” She half-turned her head, favouring Edelgard with a sly smile. “Wouldn’t you agree... my wife?”</p>
<p>Lysithea gave a small start, and both women turned to face Edelgard. Dorothea’s graceful hand held a wine glass, while Lysithea’s held with a large piece of wedding cake. Lysithea recovered quickly, though, and her face blossomed into a smile. “Congratulations to you too, Edelgard. I was just telling Dorothea how pleased I am, not just for the two of you, but for the fact that now any two people can get married, regardless of gender.” She crossed her arms. “I’ve read that the people who prefer the same gender romantically are a significant minority, although the exact number is debated. But if this new law allows even a single-digit percentage of people to be happier than they otherwise would, the total amount of increased happiness is substantial, at essentially no cost.”</p>
<p>Edelgard smiled, and reached to pat Lysithea on the shoulder. Reached <em>up</em>, she realized. She suppressed a moment’s annoyance. “I hope you never lose that analytical mind of yours.” She lowered her voice, just in case. “I don’t know where we would be without it. Not where we are today, that’s for certain.”</p>
<p>“Yes.” Dorothea nodded. Her eyes became intense, but also a bit sad. “Very soon, we will finally be able to act using the information you have given us.”</p>
<p>Lysithea’s eyes were thoughtful. “Then...” Her voice was, by her standards, almost tentative, and little more than a whisper. “Does this mean the Imperial Army will be–”</p>
<p>Edelgard cut in. “Let’s not talk about that now, if it’s all right.” Both because Hubert would never forgive her for talking about such things in a place they might be overheard, and also because she didn’t want to ruin the day.</p>
<p>“Of course. I’m sorry for being thoughtless.” Her voice was conciliatory, but her rose-coloured eyes burned. “Please, tell me more later. For now, I hope both of you enjoy each other, and this day.” With a wave, she turned and headed off, picking up her fork and taking a bite out of the cake as she left.</p>
<p>Dorothea watched her go. Then, she reached for Edelgard’s hand, and they turned to face the flowers. The carnations were just starting to bloom. For a while, they stood and said nothing, enjoying a moment. Other guests passed them by, but none bothered them.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Edie.” Dorothea’s voice was soft, but sad. She sounded like she was holding back tears. Edelgard looked up at her wife, looked at those beautiful green eyes, locked on the flowers in front of them. “I’m just thinking about what is to come. I know this is what we’ve worked towards... but I still can’t help but be scared.”</p>
<p>Edelgard understood. There would be war; she knew how Dorothea hated that. It wasn’t as if Edelgard loved it, but she had accepted its necessity. She was not sure Dorothea ever would. She was not sure if they could truly be happy until the war was won and over. She opened her mouth to reassure Dorothea, but something else came out instead. “I’m scared too. More than I was five years ago. Because this time, I worry that I will lose you.” Edelgard shook her head. “I feel selfish. Many people may lose loved ones in the times ahead.”</p>
<p>Dorothea eyed her, and smiled. “Maybe it’s selfish, but that’s okay. Everyone’s allowed a little selfishness. And you’ve made the choices you’ve made because you’re <em>not</em> selfish. A selfish woman in your position would live in wealth and comfort with her devoted wife.” She cast her eyes down. “Honestly, that’s the decision I would make. But you are different.” She bent down, and gave Edelgard a kiss, soft and tender. Her lips were warm and soft against Edelgard’s, then too soon, they were gone. “And I love you for it.”</p>
<p>Edelgard looked into the eyes of the woman she loved, trying to avoid blushing. “I’m not sure I’m as good a person as you think I am. But I will continue to try to meet your expectations. Both as an emperor, and as a partner.”</p>
<p>“Then lead on, to a brighter dawn, my beloved. We’ll make it through this together.” Dorothea extended her hand, and Edelgard took it gratefully. Dorothea winked. “And only then will you finally be able to see my wonderful opera about you.”</p>
<p>As they strode away from the flowers in search of another group of guests, Dorothea began humming a tune, one which Edelgard recognized well. Their tune. As Edelgard listened to it, she knew all would be well. Hand in hand, they walked towards their future together.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This has been a major project for me and I am proud to have completed it.</p>
<p>Thank you above all to my lovely wife, both for helping me edit my work and for her never-ending encouragement. She’s also a great writer; check out her work under the name FallenCiatokins. :)</p>
<p>I would also like to acknowledge the work of many authors whose work kindled my love of reading and from there, writing. I’d particularly like to acknowledge the work of Robert Jordan, whose masterful ability to get inside the head of his point-of-view characters is something I sought to emulate in my own writing.</p>
<p>And most of all, my thanks to you, anyone reading this! I hope that you enjoyed reading this work as much as I enjoyed writing it.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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